We Heart Ethiopia

A Year Home

2011-08-10T21:27:00.020-04:00

It's a bit strange to sit down and have the time to write again. This day is monumental in our lives and one that has brought me back to making the time to say something again. A place I used to run to each morning, checking others' updates and posting my own rants & raves that has somehow dwindled over this past year. Yuk for me not making the time.

August 11th, 2010. The day our little man's toes hit U.S. soil. To be a bit mushy for a minute...last year at this hour (as I write, not post, b/c that may take until tomorrow morning in case I blab too long and end up going to bed and then quickly finish in the a.m. rush of things) we were waking in our guest house to head to the doctor for Niko's final round of shots to keep him breathing safely on the flight home with (then) plans to have a doctor meet us at JFK for another shot in case he became more ill in-flight. Thankfully the shots worked and we were able to rest upon arrival, seeing the doctor the following day and not as our welcome home at the airport.

Fast forward to tonight, 8/10/2011...I walked in to the most amazing little boy opening the door for me and loudly announcing to daddy that it's 'mama', 'mama', 'mama' followed by jumping and then peeking inside my purse for the banana I bring home each night, which he then grabs and runs to the kitchen where we sit on a large throw and a have a 'picnic' together.

This past year has been quite an adventure. Of course after not updating as much as I did in the past, it's the most recent events that are the easiest to put into words. I know I read so many blogs for friendship, comfort, advice and simply to check out how the many diverse personalities out there cope (yes, cope) with the 'adventures' children throw our way.

I feel our biggest hurdle has been coping with lack of sleep. You're not the same person when you don't sleep. Things just don't make sense. YOU don't make sense.
We've had a great strategy going from day one, which is called My Night, Your Night. It's self-explanatory and only has one rule...we do it until neither of us have to deal with nighttime drama for 14 consecutive nights. Eleven nights is our record. We've been home a year. Yup.

It's because just as you conquer one issue, there's ALWAYS another lurking. Once you deal with the initial two-month hunker down bonding period of sleeping closeby, then it's because they wake up in the night and are afraid. A few nights go by peppered with the rare awakening and you congratulate each other on your great progress only to find out the first tooth is peeking through. HA! That first tooth means no sleep for the next eight months as you await the next 19.

The reason I'm focusing on lack of sleep is because it's what recently brought me to my knees. After months of this, I was up for a new reason...the first ill stomach. This was just so sad, as Niko and I were sleeping on his floor with no cushions or blankets because it was so spur of the moment that he yelled a very unusual cry, I was just holding him and then it all happened everywhere. 2am and I'm giving him a bath with him moaning 'mama' 'mama' with his eyes half closed. I was teary, completely fried and in mama-bear mode at the same time. Three hours later I was still up with only two hours remaining before needing to shower and leave for work.

The dirt...skip ahead a few nights with not much more sleep. Mama's close to losing it! Thankfully I have the best husband in the world, because as I'm showering for work with the room spinning from my delirious state, I decide I'm going straight from work today to a hotel because if I don't get a straight 8 hours sleep, I'm going to be no good to anybody, including myself.

I tell him I'll be home by 6:45am the next morning to do the a.m. Niko routine and it won't be a blip on his radar at all. He tells me to enjoy it and that he may do the same in the near future which I completely encourage. I checked into the hotel around 7:30pm, ate dinner, drank 1.5 glasses of wine, caught about eight minutes of Shark Week and was comatose by 8:35pm. It was the best night's sleep I've had in so long. I woke up so refreshed (yes, still tired) but not exhausted. WHAT a difference that makes. I could function and was on top of the world.

A recent melting 'o the heart moment occured as Niko was in our bedroom flipping through one of my fashion mags as I stared in the mirror wondering what to wear to disguise my banged-up, tired looking self. He then comes bounding toward me with much excitement pointing to a Versace model saying "mama"! I melted. My baby thinks I'm pretty, not old & haggered! This couldn't have happened on a better morning for the self-esteem. (On the flip-side of this, our nephew continues to think the shot of David Johansen in our hallway is ME. So, good day = Versace model. Tired day = 61 year old, MALE rocker.)

There will be a warm & fuzzy feeling as I go about my day today, looking back on last year as we landed at JFK with a little boy who had no idea what's in store. His Uncle Scott and Cousin Jack met us at the airport with big hugs & smiles as Niko simply stared them down, assessing the situation. A year later and they're inseparable.

Kechene OTO Charm Necklace is HERE!

2010-11-22T06:26:00.018-05:00

Nine months in the making...

The necklaces are complete, on US soil and ready for sale.

To preorder ($35), email: shop@newyorkdesigner.com with Kechene in the subject line.

Note: Please feel free to repost this to your blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

This necklace was designed to assist young girls aging out of the orphanage system. (remember this post?) Supplies were shipped to the girls, who then created each necklace by hand. I had the opportunity to meet them while in Addis. What an AMAZING group of young women!

and now for the sales pitch...

Number one and most importantly...all proceeds benefit these girls and the Gladney On Their Own project (providing life skills to older girls aging out of the system) throughout Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America.

Number two...they're not mass produced, which gives such a special background to the project. The girls who benefit from the sale of each necklace are the same girls who assembled them (with much excitement and professionalism I might add!).

Lastly...they are very versatile depending on the recipient. I added an "E" to mine, signifying Ethiopia and wore often during our wait. I'll now be adding Niko's birthstone and probably an "N". (note the hidden messaging there with the birthstone reference, making for a great holiday gift for grandmothers, sisters, friends and mothers everywhere)

Our original plan was to create a design that reaches beyond the adoption community, making it possible to maximize the fundraising for these young women. A charm necklace seemed to work best and reach a wide audience.

Kai & I visiting the Kechene girls - xo

I was a bit nervous as Kai & I walked into the Kechene shop in Addis. None of us spoke the same language and I wanted so much to introduce myself and chat with these amazing women. They stared back at me as I oddly mimed various design motions (not easy). I then pointed to my necklace. There was a sudden burst of squeals, smiles and they were rushing forward with loads of hugs. We all began speaking at the same time as if we all now understood each other. It was very humbling and such an honor to spend time with the girls.

The On Their Own mission statement

To provide meaningful financial assistance and educational programs
to older, unadopted orphaned children served by Gladney Center for Adoption
in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America
to prepare them for a safe, self-sufficient life on their own.

from Gladney:

On Their Own provides support for the Kechene Women's Association, an organization of young women who have "aged out," of the Kechene Children's Home in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

There are few opportunities for these orphaned young women once they have been released from government care. Most seek low-level service industry work in Ethiopia and Middle Eastern countries, but pay is extremely low and such work is dangerous in countries with few women’s rights and no citizenship protection. Unfortunately, many fall back on prostitution to provide for themselves.

The young women of Kechene need life-skills to navigate the world, earn a living and use money wisely. They need to learn how to set goals based on safe choices, self-sufficiency, and self-esteem. They need a future that offers a chance for a long, productive, and happy life.

Your purchase of this beautiful necklace supports life-skills programs for the Kechene Women's Association. Every dollar dedicated to On Their Own is stewarded by the Gladney Center for Adoption, a 501 (c) (3) not-for-profit organization, to ensure the funds are invested in empowerment projects for orphaned children.

To learn more about the Kechene Women's Association and Gladney's programs for orphans around the world, please visit Gladney's website http://www.adoptionsbygladney.com/

Our Three Month Anniversary

2010-11-11T21:40:00.010-05:00

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Three months ago today, early afternoon, Niko landed on U.S. soil at JFK with a fabulous greeting from his Uncle Scott (my brother) and his Cousin Jack (our nephew). I'm sure there are many profound things I could be saying right now about this special moment, but because we're spending 100% of our energy during all Niko-waking-moments, I'm a bit fried and at a loss for words. It's a good thing I have a gazillion photos to document these three months!

I will refrain from posting said gazillion shots and limit the assortment to the month's highlights, including HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, MR. NIKO! Yes, he turned one year old this month. I'm seeing this is going to be a very busy month for us for many years to come, as the big day falls very close to Halloween.

How is it that a one year old has three birthday parties, all filled with friends and loved ones? Okay, I get the loved ones part, but how does a one year old already have friends? Impressive, I must say. I will also say I was really into the 'mommy is making cupcakes thing' and then getting a big smile from his little friend, Lilly, who greeted me at the babysitter's door with "Niko's mom...I know you made us Elmo cupcakes and I'm really excited! I love Elmo and I love Niko!"

We have THE best babysitter in the world. This is something for another post, but going back to work was a difficult time with Niko. It was much harder on us than on him. Toward the end of my maternity leave I began taking him over to play and we would both stay about 20 minutes and play with the two other children and leave together. They were so accepting of our attachment & bonding 'rules' that we were very strict to adhere to and after a few trips together, I left him for an hour as a test run (with me two buildings away at home). All went so well and has only gotten better. He now looks forward to playing there and being with his two new friends. We have our morning breakfast dates and playtime and then we walk down the sidewalk (him by himself now holding my hand). The two other mothers clued me in immediately that this will be far harder on me than it will be on him! They were SO right.

Enjoying cupcake #1 all to himself.

So, after the birthday parties, we went straight into Halloween which explains the cow costume.

Next up, the big family Thanksgiving! We followed all the rules (bending some to fit our situation), particularly the two months without large crowds or incoming traffic to the home. It worked and we're so glad we stuck to it. We're still the only ones to feed, bathe and put him to bed and will continue this for many more months. Niko has met all members who will be at Thanksgiving, but NEVER more than a few at a time. His little head is going to be spinning with all the attention and we're prepared for securing some alone time with him. I'm sure it will be needed and I'm so grateful to our family for understanding how we've handled the past three months. I know some things may seem strange at times, but in the end it's all about him, not us.
And I can say with much certainty that these 'rules' are a huge factor in how well he has adjusted to this point. That smile of his is not all due to Kai & I knowing what we're doing! It's from following his lead, taking things seriously and sometimes taking nothing seriously. I've heard it takes six months to really get in your groove. I'm just happy to report, I feel us all now wanting a groove to get into and we're making great progress. There are still ech days, but I must say they're different from that first month of ech days.

Three Months! It feels like Niko has been here forever. It really does and in the most wonderful way.

Our first winter hat & coat...

Steps, Aide and Special Mothers

2010-10-22T08:57:00.017-04:00

It appears that part of my new normal is blogging once a month with as much crammed into a post as possible. Apologies for the info-overload, but as life continues to settle in so will my ability to ration the blogging. We can hope anyway!

STEPS: So, the big news first...our little man is walking!!! He has been pulling himself up for quite some time which led to taking a few steps here and there. And then...drumroll...on October 9th, 2010, as he was sitting on the kitchen floor banging two chopsticks together, boom. He got up, continued banging the chopsticks and took off without stopping until he made a full loop to end up back where he started. He then hurled himself forward in exhaustion and remained flat on the floor. (chopsticks were removed from hands by this point)

Nikolicious is also sleeping through the night! Last night was the fourth night in a row and I really hope I'm not jinxing it now that I've put it in writing. His crib is now his friend, which is just amazing to see. He loves playing and dancing in his room at the beginning and end of each day. Watching him now from only two short months ago is like watching a different child. He's growing each day, both physically and mentally. It's so comforting and rewarding to see his confidence, joy, content and overall excitement each day. He is truly his own little man.

Leading up to the big day, a little girl in the park asks if she can help him walk. So cute!
One of the final days in shorts. I can't believe he's outgrowing clothes already!

AIDE: If you are traveling soon and able to carry aide, please email me at tamara at newyorkdesigner dot com. If you know of anyone traveling, please pass this info along.

One of the government orphanages that Gladney families tour is Kebebe Tsehay. This place will leave you speechless. Before entering the baby house we were given a short overview. It is labeled 'the worst government orphanage in Ethiopia'. A heavy title to bear in a country already known for such poverty. We were also told that two weeks prior to our visit, they lost seven babies in one night. There are babies living with a series of illnesses that are otherwise preventable in the United States, due purely to a lack of resources.

On our tour, there were 14 adoptive parents in our group. Each parent had a baby in their arms while holding a bottle for another lying nearby in their crib. There were still babies not being tended to. On a daily basis these babies have TWO caregivers. That was until this amazing woman stepped in and was able to assist in providing 24 caregivers. Her blog describes the orphanage in great detail and I suggest reading it.

Asking what else could make an impact, I was told hand sanitizer. There was NONE. The caregivers are doing the best they can with what they have, but are treating one baby and then moving on to the next and very likely spreading disease in the process. I have secured multiple refills of hand sanitizer with their corresponding wall mounts. If you're able to drop them at Kebebe on your upcoming visit, I will ensure I wrap it in a way to avoid any leaks. One item is the size of a standard wall dispenser. Hopefully this can work out and I will continue working on this end to keep the supply coming. Each refill bag = 2,000 squirts.

SPECIAL MOTHER: Our little boy's personality continues to amaze us. As he reaches a new development stage, looks to us with such security, trudges along with such determination if he toddles over, discovers a new sound and experiences everything with such joy we continue to think of his Special Mother. I think we always will. She played the biggest role in his life prior to our care and we are forever grateful for the genuine love and guidance she provided. We know his transition to our care would not have been as productive had she not supplied him with the proper tools.

She asked for updates and photos as he grows, which we are so happy to do and recently sent our first to her with a traveling family. It was a little hard to write and show pictures of him walking, knowing she may be a little sad reading this from afar. However, I truly believe all the Special Mothers do want updates and the comfort of knowing all their little guys & girls are doing well. What a great role you all have played in the lives of our children. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

from Arghhhh!!! to Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

2010-09-30T17:05:00.001-04:00

I didn't miss a beat during our wait for Niko; blogging each and any anniversary imaginable. The reminders on my Outlook calendar were ridiculous in number. Oh, how things have changed, gone pear-shaped, headed south...however you put it, I've become a hot mess of exhaustion since returning home seven weeks and one day ago. Wow, has it really been that long?

How sad is it that my first red flag was that of a new reminder on my calendar that I go back to work soon. WHAT? But I just got home!!! Nope. Voice in head says: Lady, you've been home seven weeks and one day and not one mention of one detail on that blog (that at one time) tied you to all the others. Nooooo! I've become the person who comes home and stops blogging. Say it ain't so.

A few anniversaries and milestones I've neglected to mention include: The Flight Home, Home One Week, Has it Really Been a Month?, The First Dr. Appt, The First (non-adoption related) Dr. Appt, Did He Just Say Ma-Ma??? and so on. You get it. So, before this post turns into a list of everything I haven't blogged about, I will simply say...This seemingly non-eventful time frame has actually been pretty jam-packed, both emotionally and physically for all three of us.

Week One - Four: the "Arrrggghhhh!!!"
Oh boy. All that prepping, reading, researching and Googling during The Wait did not fully arm me to face a nine month old in full transition mode. They tell you "sleep now, because you won't get any later". Well, what I didn't take into account is that it may not be unreasonable to be home six weeks and the first minute to myself I catch a glimpse in the mirror and ask aloud, 'how did I go downhill so fast?'. And then I wonder, (also aloud because when your audience is a nine month old day in and day out, you really begin to just let all the crazies hang out) 'did I ever conquer that jet lag?' When said nine month old wakes up every hour every night, it's quite likely the answer is a resounding no.

I should also point out that when you're in the waiting period reviewing the training videos and reading the books, you're likely doing so during a time slot you planned. Maybe it's a rainy afternoon, nothing much to do so you pick up a book. Or maybe you and your husband mark your calendars for say, next Tuesday when things calm down at work. You'll make a nice dinner, grab your journal with pen and soak up every detail of the videos during this very focused time you allotted for yourself.

Well, when the real-life 'baby with a serious moment of separation anxiety' actually occurs it's unlikely to happen when you're rested, focused, have a full stomach and your partner will most likely be at work, not sitting beside you to offer their $.02. Oh, and that journal? It will not be in arm's reach.

I don't say this to sound unappreciative, cynical or to minimize the amazing family I am so fortunate to have. I say this because I was somehow blindsided by the reality of the scenarios I read and video clips I viewed once they entered my own household.

Day two home alone once Kai returned to work, I looked at my clock and my stomach sunk when I saw it was 10:30am. WHAT? It felt like it should be at least 3:45pm. During nap time I tiptoed past Niko's bedroom to use the bathroom in our bedroom. As I turned to flush the toilet, I realized this was no longer a luxury I had. There would be no flushing toilets during naps. That's when it all poured out. I found myself, a grown woman, sobbing in the bathroom because I could no longer flush my toilet when I chose to do so. What is happening?

My body was physically sore due to Niko scratching at my legs to be held, scratching my chest once I held him and afraid to be put down. My hair, even though always in the now obligatory ponytail, was still being pulled. My face and arms were scratched because he couldn't get close enough. He would scream bloody murder if I left the couch to put away a dish. On top of this, he weighed over 23 pounds at the time and I had lost seven while traveling. I was run down and being taken over by a nine month old, both physically and mentally. Emotionally I was drained and beyond in love with this little guy.

It was after the bathroom no-flushing-sob that I pulled myself together and searched for our social worker's phone number. She did our homestudy and worked in the NY office. I told her briefly what was up and asked for help, focusing on his separation issues with me and the fact I will be returning to work at some point. At the time I felt we were moving backwards, rather than moving forward.

This was the wisest thing I did in my cloudy state. Within 24 hours, Kai and I were having a conference call with a therapist who listened and offered such wonderful advice specific to our situation. A big YAY that we actually were doing things correctly and our scenario was not an unusual one. We both exhaled after that call and took things a little more in stride moving forward. We began to look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Week Four - Seven: the "ahhhhhh...."
Wow. Wow. Wow.
We are friends, family, buddies and everything in between. It's pure joy in the morning when I hear him beginning to wake up and I wonder what's in store for the day (in the good way). There are days when I walk by his room, hoping slightly that he'll hear me and wake up early because I can't wait to play with him. His edge is gone and so is mine. He trusts us and the first time we saw that in action, I completely melted. The fact he knows he's safe has changed everything.

So now that I've gotten back on the blog, I can't stop yapping. I better wrap it up.
In closing, I would like to say there have been many tend-to-Niko breaks since I started writing this morning. During the last break, HE TOOK THREE STEPS!!!

p.s. Good luck to all the families waiting for court dates and decisions. Now that rainy season is over and the courts have reopened, I've been thinking of you all. Sending lots of love your way!

The Nikolicious

2010-08-19T20:36:00.009-04:00

Don't you all just want to spend your day showing baby pictures to the whole world, but without being THAT parent? That's one more reason why I love this community. We love looking at baby pictures! And as I sit here feeling tired, exhilarated, accomplished and completely spent, I can upload a slew of shots from Niko's first days home and call it a (semi-legit) blog post.

the morning starts in the roundabout

and there's always dancing, clapping & snapping (attempts at)

short trip to the park; a bit skeptical of the swing

and then daddy jumped in

mommy still can't find the right shoe size, hence the socks

food!

done

Niko is Home...ahhhh

2010-08-16T19:25:00.013-04:00

his favorite toys are a wooden spoon & used envelope

no words needed

So, I did it again and let a whole load of time slip by since my last post. That's not good for anyone because it means I either have to:

a) come up with a very clever means of engaging your attention while explaining two trips to Ethiopia that covered ten days each (both packed full of lifechanging sights, sounds & emotions) or...
b) go the self-indulgent route and start typing away each detail, covering every moment of each trip in its entirety and risk boring you to death

I choose to opt out of both and simply jump into the present; with the intent of leaving little sprinkles of our two trips via captions and pictures in future posts.

Before jumping into the present though, I must mention two family matters that touched us greatly as we departed on Sunday, 8/1; fully aware of one while not knowing the other until our return. Late Saturday afternoon (7/31) our 16 month old nephew was airlifted to a local hospital for emergency care. His family was visiting my ill grandfather in PA.

Kai and I shifted gears asap from packing-for-Ethiopia-mode to get-to-the-hospital mode. Because the medics didn't allow parents in the helicopter, it was important the little guy had a familiar face with him at the hospital until his parents had time to drive the distance (he was being flown to our area). We stayed the evening in a local hotel, making it home the next afternoon with time to finish packing and head to the airport.

He remained hospitalized for quite some time and has since been diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. He is a trooper and doing very well.

The following day while we were in flight to Addis, my grandfather passed away. He was a man who easily fit into the cast of Tom Brokaw's The Greatest Generation. He lived into his nineties, was one of the smartest men I've known, adored his wife and four daughters and was very proud to be adding a great-grandson to his brood. We talked often about Niko's arrival, as he was very curious about the process of international adoption. He also loved quizzing people on history and facts, (taking every opportunity to use this as a great platform for doing so!) Poppy, we love you and will miss you greatly!

So, while the family rallied around each other here for the young, the elderly and the new arrivals, Kai and I were a world away gathering our little guy, soaking him in and letting him cry his little eyes out until he knew it was okay to relax. And once he did, we all began to relax a bit and things slowly started happening. Family started happening and it continues each day. There are ups, downs and in-betweens with the only constant being the utter cuteness of Niko and the size of those cheeks!

I'll be updating more as we go and will definitely include a few powerful moments along the way. Ethiopia has a lot going on. I saw things on the first trip that will forever be ingrained in my memory. The second trip only reinforced the notion that, yes I can do something and I will. Realistically, many issues are an ongoing battle and of a large magnitude. However, there are plenty of 'situations' at hand that if simply nudged a little, can change the outcome of someone else's life. Seriously.

It was a very bittersweet return, to say the least.
p.s. future posts will be light & fluffy and continue to include silly, giggly, cooing baby shots

getting accustomed to the seat that allows mommy to shower and eat

the end of a long day

IT'S THE SISTER AGAIN!!!!

2010-08-07T19:27:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone. I just received a message from Tamara. She wanted me to satisfy everyone's curiosity with an update. They officailly have His passport and visa in hand and are ready to head home on Tuesday. He is everything they thought he would be, and more, much, much more!!!!! He is crawling now and pulling himself up at the kitchen table. Tamara said they can tell he is really sensing his freedom and space, and exploring it ALL, FULL SPEED!!!!!

They toured the government orphanages yesterday. It was very emotional and sad for their group to witness such need coming from these tiny babies. The group gathered bottles, diapers, etc. and began feeding, holding, rocking, and talking to the helpless little ones.

They are very sleep deprived right now.....I tried to tell her!!!!!! Tamara and Kai are relishing in the moment and thoroughly enjoying every single second of parenthood. They will be home early next week....and I for one, can't wait....I have waited for YEARS for my sister to become a mother and the moment is finally here....

I will post more as I receive phone calls, messages, and emails....Take care everyone!!!

ZZZzzzzzz...

2010-08-05T00:08:00.002-04:00

Niko and the muscle of his 22lb self (not too shabby for a 9 month old) has completely overpowered, conquered and planted his flag in what were previously two fully functioning adults.

We decided to take placement within a few hours of landing, which was Tuesday afternoon. Some suggested we wait a day to at least put a dent in our jetlag but we were too excited and agreed to same day placement. (I now lightly suggest what the others suggested to us!) Niko arrived sound asleep with us waiting in the driveway with the other (AMAZING) families who are also staying at the guesthouse, all armed with videos & cameras. He was trying to take in the new surroundings when things became a bit overwhelming for him and the tears appeared. We spent the rest of the evening in our room walking him, playing, talking, holding but nothing really helped take the fear away that still showed in his face. It was the worst feeling. He just looked so helpless and so very scared. He finally fell asleep in our arms with his bottle and continued hourly cries throughout the night.

And then...in the middle of the chaos he woke up and was ready to ROLL!!! He was smiling and ready to play! Of course we obliged :)

Yesterday, we were all pretty out of it but things are moving in a much more positive direction. After our coffee ceremony where we met Niko's Special Mother, we all came home and took an hour nap together and later had our first bath, which went well. He's now getting wound up again (he's in FULL discovery mode) so I'm going to run but will post more later.

I'll try to do quick updates with full trip details when we return.

Off We Go!

2010-07-31T07:02:00.008-04:00

the face that awaits us

As I write this, I'm sipping on the fabulous coffee that only Ethiopia can produce and I hear Kai in the background packing his bags. He just yelled from the bedroom that he would like the bag of diapers we're taking to the orphanage be used on the return trip solely for more coffee, as he plans to bring home as much as possible without raising a red flag at customs upon our return through JFK. Funny, because I was just thinking the same thing. I yell back, "but of course!"

After exploring, trekking and seeing the ins and outs of Addis on trip one, our return trip feels like we're returning to old friends in a way. It's hard to describe, but it's definitely on the warm & fuzzy tip. Almost like a little kid who gets homesick at camp and gets an early exit ticket home. And the best part is knowing what lies ahead on this trip. I can't begin to put it into words, so I'll stick to the logistics.

This is the hunker-down-round with the majority of our time being spent at the guest house with Niko. (that just makes me want to burst) Our plan is to take placement shortly after our Tuesday arrival, meaning someone from the staff will bring Niko to our guest house around 3pm local time on Tuesday. (possibly a little later because I think he takes a 1pm nap)

We're staying at Bejoe which offers sooo much for what a new family needs. All bedrooms have a bathroom, crib if needed, high speed internet on location, laundry, communal kitchen, livingroom, nice yard and the best part? Caregivers are on hand if you need assistance and they are familiar with all the children and the children know them from being in the Gladney care centers. What a great transition for both child and parent.

So, of course Niko's bag was packed first (ours are still works in progress). It wasn't easy packing for him. There were many calls to The Mother who offered greatly needed advice. In addition to the in-country bag, a separate bag is packed for his plane ride home.

the clothes he will wear

Long ago, I read a tip that I printed and stuffed into the "When We Travel" folder. It was from an adoptive mother who also had a long flight home. She created 10 one-gallon size Ziploc bags, each with: a not-fancy outfit (no onesies), socks and a Huggies overnight pamper. They all went in one zipped carry bag with a carry-size packet of wipes. This was in the event her baby faced the very common bout of bad-tummy, to put it mildly. It's a no-thought process now. Grab the wipes and a baggie and head to the bathroom. The new outfit goes on while the dirty one gets sealed in the Ziploc, thrown in the bag and all will get tossed upon departure.

Also packed for the plane are toys, snacks, blankets, a stuffed toy, teethers, food, bottles, formula and a carrier. We've also packed a bundle of earplugs for our neighbors sitting nearby. Another tip from a mother making this journey suggested offering earplugs to fellow passengers. She said it worked like a charm. She let them know her baby may cry (or may not) but in the event he does, this is her little bit of peace to them. All were very respectful, even offering assistance when she needed it.

the place he will dine

So, upon our return I'll let you know what really happened and how these plans all panned out in 'real life'. You can probably tell by now, I'm a bit anxious about the flight home!

Okay, so I must stop yapping now and get back to what's at hand here. We leave tomorrow and our to-list isn't getting done with me blogging and drinking my fabulous coffee! For some reason, I couldn't log onto our blog from Ethiopia on our last trip, but will try to update via Facebook. My sister may jump in again too. (thanks Man!)

The next few days and weeks are going to be ones we will forever remember. On one hand this is so very hard to get one's head around, while it also feels so natural.

I just want to stop anticipating and DO. To be with him and start this journey.

Update: File Has Been Found!!!

2010-07-27T22:20:00.004-04:00

There have been a few heroes along our journey and today I'm adding a new one to our list and will simply refer to her as Ms. M.

Ms. M is one of the many employees in one of the many feds' offices we've contacted since hearing the news last Wednesday that we may not travel to pick up our son. Turns out, Ms M is a grandmother of not one, but two, adopted grandchildren. She's in the know. She gets it. And...she's a government official in the very department we need an advocate right now. We bow down to her.

About an hour ago, we received an update from the NH office that our file has been located, is being entered into the U.S. system and will be processed to Addis within the next 24-48 hours.

Ms M,
We thank you and our family thanks you. We are forever grateful.

I am now going to bed and plan to sleep for eight *gasp* hours. Yes, I really am.

Happy Birthday Baby!

2010-07-26T07:01:00.004-04:00

Niko turns nine months old today. Instead of cupcakes and sweets, which will be the obvious treat for all future birthdays once his little toes touch down on U.S. soil, I spent most of yesterday with some good 'ole fashioned nuts & bolts for the immune system. We now have enough pureed mango/banana, sweet potatoes and carrots for twenty five meals.

I had hoped this would be the weekend we spent in a giddy-fog as we packed Niko's homecoming bag, our bags, some more donation items for the orphanage and ran the final errands before flying out next Sunday. As more bits came in from various sources this weekend, our odds of flying have significantly dropped. In turn, our personal efforts have spiked in equal value.

I am headed to our congressman's office this morning on my way to work. Should our file not be scanned by end of day today, I'll be heading to New Hampshire either tonight or tomorrow morning to sit in their office and await some personal attention. It was confirmed late Friday that this is where our updated file (remember the lovely Officer? This is where she sent it) is most likely sitting in the mailroom awaiting scan & upload into the National Visa Processing system. Yes, it may be a shot in the dark but we're running out of shots here and I'll take what we can get. The senator's office will also be getting involved today, as they are already in the loop and willingly offered assistance.

I must also say that we've faced zero resistance from anyone who ends up hearing our situation. Everyone is accomodating and onboard to offer whatever help they can. If the person at the front desk of this office follows suit, we may see a positive outcome after all.

To recap, once our file is scanned in the U.S. system it will be cabled (emailed) to the embassy in Addis, Ethiopia for our scheduled embassy appointment (8/5) . We're told this can take from one day to weeks to appear. We don't have weeks.

It's a risk, but at this point it's likely one of us will be flying if our scan makes it into the U.S. system but doesn't reach Ethiopia. The reason...there are still four days it COULD arrive (8/1-8/5) and if we don't get on the plane and our embassy appointment is ready to go, can you imagine the horror if the parents didn't show up???

Thanks again for everyone's support. It really does make a difference and we appreciate it. I know some of you have emailed and asked about our trip, but to be honest I don't have the time nor the energy right now to tell that story with proper attention to do it justice. I will tell it, but not until this is resolved.

Stay tuned as The Drama of The Prints continues...

On a sidenote, the blog design we've been using has changed on the backend and will be updating shortly. In the meantime, you may see some funky things in the layout.

Are You KIDDING Me???

2010-07-22T06:01:00.005-04:00

It’s 4:30am and I’m up again, except today isn’t because of jet lag. That’s long gone.

Today I’m up because at 3:30am the double knots in the stomach came back in full force after replaying yesterday’s events in my head. I thought at this point I would be posting pictures from our trip and telling warm & fuzzy stories about how we have the most adorable, perfect son in the world. Not so.

I received a call from our caseworker mid-day yesterday. She wanted to recap all the bits of our trip and asked if I would be interested in being a guest on next week’s conference call with a Q&A style covering any pertinent details for fellow families. Absolutely!
The conversation then turned to one that involved the words...great concern you will not travel as expected.

Our CIS fingerprints have gone missing. They expired on 7/15, so the extension we filed and reprinting we did on 6/29 did not make it into the newly updated USCIS centralized computer system. Once our prints go through the state division, they are then processed through the National Visa Processing Center where they are reviewed and once given the okay, cabled through to the embassy in Ethiopia. (Our embassy date is 8/5)

Six business days remain for the above to occur and nobody has records of our prints to even start this ball rolling. The alternative? To reprint, we’re looking at an estimated two months. Embassy dates in Ethiopia are only every other Thursday. We would have to fit into the next available one, which is anyone’s guess.

This is what caused an eight minute mental breakdown in my boss’ office yesterday, which enabled me to decompress and come back in full force with proper frame of mind to be productive. (she gave the okay to work on this for as long as necessary, ending with “bring that boy home”) I gathered all necessary documents and began emailing and calling anyone who would listen that works in immigration in the U.S. Three hours in, a “live” woman answered her phone. She referred to herself as an Officer. I liked that title for what we needed right now and knew this was our woman.

I think the most productive 30 minutes of my life were spent with my Officer. She willingly engaged all resources on her end after listening to our situation and began recreating our paperwork! Much more to it, but this is the gist…if this works, our file should show in the National Visa Processing Center by Monday of next week, allowing three business days for processing before being transferred to Ethiopia. (I am purely speculating that they need three days, only because that’s what WE need to meet deadline. I’m hoping that’s reasonable.)

If this new scenario works, we will travel next Sunday, 8/1 as planned. If our file is not in Ethiopia by next Friday, we will not travel. We’ll then await word on reprinting or await the appearance of our file and then wait for a new embassy date.

I must also mention (and this is the advice part, should this happen to others) that during those three hours of scouring for officials to listen to me, I had left messages with the NJ senators’ offices. After speaking to my Officer (the one who helped) I did receive a call back from the senator’s office. They listened to our situation and advised to call back Monday if we still need assistance. My advice is to get them on the horn immediately if you see your prints lapsing in the new system, just in case you need them down the line.

I’ll end with this…a new mother recently asked me if she could ask a personal question which was, At what point in the adoption process do you have the attachment feeling of a mother/child bond? (I welcome all questions like this because it makes ME think too.)
My answer was, it’s a gradual process that grows stronger through each phase of the process. I’ve now changed it to…
Meet your son, play with him, hold him, squeeze him, have a federal judge deem you a family by law, get on a plane, leave him behind and then be told you can’t get him because a piece of paper is missing.

You’re far beyond a mother/family. It’s like this little guy has been with us forever now and someone has temporarily taken him away, not that he hasn’t arrived yet.

And on what planet do fingerprints expire?

The Highs & Cries of Trip #1

2010-07-19T15:26:00.014-04:00

First Family Photo (Niko is mid-raspberry)

I missed you!!! Thank you to my sis for updating while we were away and thank you all for the support! I didn't realize the power of my virtual circle of friends until I had no access to you.

This post may be a bit scattered, as I'm a bit jetlagged and have only been home a few hours but am forcing myself to stay awake until this evening with hopes of making tomorrow at work a smooth transition. I'll include more details per day in future updates, but wanted to jump right in with a recap of our trip to hopefully offer some insight to the other familes who will be traveling twice. It may be a long one, but I'll try to hit the key points and move on. The focus will be on Wednesday, our court date.

It's important to note that because we were the first family to travel twice, some items here should be taken with a grain of salt because many logistics are a work in progress. For example, we were also the only family in country so cultural events did not happen and will be worked in to our second trip (other families will do cultural events on first trip; bonding on second). Also, we were appearing in court on behalf of an infant adoption. I believe the process (both court plans & Gladney plans) will vary for toddler age & above.

First bit of advice: Take the tissues ladies! I cried each day for a completely different reason; some good, some not so good.

Our Week

Monday: Arrival Day (do our own thing)

Grabbed our driver and started exploring. The sights, sounds and smells of Ethiopia are like no other. Very powerful.

Tuesday: The Niko Meeting!!! (one hour in a.m.) happy tears all around!

I must say, I was more intimidated and anxious to meet our son than I was to meet the judge on the following day. There are no words to describe him. He's perfect! (there's a good word) He warmed to Kai after awhile but is not a big fan of moi. I must say that I liked the way he looked to the caregivers to see if we were 'okay'. He will one day look to me the same way. I'm not worried about it and had to laugh. It means he's on track for proper attachment. However, after 18 months of waiting for this day - yes, a smile would have been nice instead of 'who is this lady & when is she leaving?' looks!!! ha! It's all good :)

Wednesday: court (9am @ Gladney office; 9:30am in court; seen at 10:15'ish)

Court is held in a nondescript room on the second level of a government office building. The waiting room is medium size with approx 10-15 folding chairs lining each wall for adopting parents and birth family members. Along one wall is a door to the judge's office which is much smaller, containing the judge's desk, a table and a few chairs. The various agencys' attorneys stand in line outside this door on behalf of their clients and are called in by the judge's assistant. On this day, there were three other agencies with about 9 families in total awaiting their court dates.

As we waited (30'ish minutes) you couldn't help feeling the tension of extreme emotions in the room; family loss & growth happening with each family's exit of the judge's room. I felt the stare of a woman who I noticed immediately upon entering the waiting room. She appeared to be a grandmother, possibly great-grandmother, of a child being relinquished. Wrapped in a worn blanket and more than worn shoes, she continued a heavy gaze my way. I connected with her and tried to offer my best "OMG woman, I want to run across this room and give you the biggest hug" smile I could muster, considering I was ready to burst into tears. She stared back, smiled and gave me the warmest, most all-knowing 'everything is okay' smile with a nod. That's what put me over the edge. I smiled back humbly with a reply nod, turned to Kai and the tears started to flow. In the background, the other families were passing with happy tears and gentle cheers, while trying to respect all others in the room.

Shortly after that we were called in front of the judge. A very nice woman who asked us the following:

1) Why did you choose to adopt?

2) Why Ethiopia?

3) What preparations have you made?

4) Have you met this child?

5) Have you told your family about your adoption?

6) Have you completed any training?

7) Do you understand this contract can not be undone once approved?

8) I AM APPROVING YOUR CONTRACT!!! (happy tears)

Dressing for Court: biz casual

I saw men in suits & ties and men without ties in nice dress pants. Kai wore a tie (not in pix but he put it on when we got there) with dress pants and no jacket.

Women had a wide range: open toed sandals with casual mid-length skirt and leggings to a skirt/jacket suit with closed toe heels. I wore a full-length cotton dress with scarf & light sweater and closed toe shoes with hair pulled back.

The key is to be respectful.

Thursday: The Niko Meeting Part II (one hour in a.m.)

This went much better. We came a little earlier this morning so we didn't cut into his much-loved naptime. I think this had a lot to do with his energy, which was great. He was a little more curious about who we were, played a little more with us, still warmer to Kai than me but today I offered to feed him the end bit of his bottle. This got me a few little pats on my arm from him as he drank. *heart melted* He is THE BEST!

Following this, we had the priviledge of delivering care packages and meeting with the kiddies of waiting families. Oh my! This was amazing! These kids are thriving, happy, full of energy and in the best possible care while waiting for their moms & dads to arrive. What a program Gladney has put in place and with such care of keeping the child first. Love it.

Friday: more exploring and working on creating Niko's life book

Gained more info into Niko's story. These children have such heartbreaking stories, it just makes the mind spin. How is this okay??? Hearing more details brought out the mama-bear and made me want to run back to the care center, squeeze him and never let go. The children are so much stronger than we can ever imagine.

Saturday: The Niko Meeting Part III (one hour in a.m.)

Wonderful!!! Again, we came earlier to avoid any naptime interference which appeared to be key. This was our best meeting yet. These times are not intended for bonding, so as not to confuse the children once we leave, so a lot of play is involved with other children around. Niko interacted with us so much with loads of smiles, bouncing, clapping, raspberries and the almighty baby-belly-laugh when Kai tickled him. I even got a few smiles from him!!! I want this kid home NOW!

So, this was our final meeting which brought on tears. However, there was so much information from the staff re: our next trip, what to prepare for, how short our turnaround is, etc that I walked out on such a high note, thinking - This was much easier than I ever expected. Maybe it was because we spent three meetings with him, not just one. Maybe it was because our embassy date was so soon that we would be back in country in 16 days. Whatever it was, we left happy - not sobbing the big ugly cry, which I expected.

However...later that evening (still feeling more excited than sad) our hotel shuttle arrived to take us to the airport. There it was. The ugly cry came in full force on the way to the airport. We had two layovers coming home and the same thing happened on each plane as we took off. I think it was knowing we were moving further away from him that did this. It was so fast & furious and then Kai would pull up a few photos of the trip and again say, this is our happy place. It helped a lot.

We even put a photo of Niko in the empty middle seat, with his seat belt securely fastened, on one leg of our trip home. :)

I think the key thing to remember is we've all been in this for 18 mos+ and it sucks beyond words to leave our child there but the positive news is that they are OURS and we are THEIRS, finally!!! You will be leaving as parents!!! And yes, three to six weeks is tough when you've met, played and hugged your baby BUT we're tough and if we can hang in there for a year & a half, we can make it three to six weeks longer.

(so she says. we'll see tomorrow.)

THEY PASSED!!!! UPDATED

2010-07-14T08:22:00.003-04:00

Good morning everyone! I just got off the phone with Tamara. She squealed into the phone, 'WE are parents! WE passed!' So, of course, I immediately took to blogging to let all of you know.

Here is the scoop: They met with the attorney this morning around 9:00 a.m. Then they went to the courthouse about 9:30 a.m. Court began at 10:00 a.m. She said it was over by 10:15 a.m. However, she said it is very emotional. The court itself goes very fast. She said there are so many poverty stricken families present that are there to turn over their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. She said it is a very sad, humbling experience. The court itself is held in a small room. She said it is not what we would consider a courtroom here. The judge is sitting at the desk. The judge asks some questions and then gives you the verdict right then.

There were 9 families ahead of them from two different European agencies. She said they all passed as well.

Tonight Tamara and Kai are going to a different location that the driver said they will be able to have internet service, hopefully!!!!! She is going to try to blog to you all tonight specifically about the questions they ask, what to wear, etc.

Thanks for all your support you have given Tamara and Kai. She is going to be calling me back tomorrow with their return date. They are suppose to hear something by the end of the day today or tomorrow morning to let them know their embassy date.

I will let you all know next time I hear from her.....

******UPDATE******

Tamara just called me back. They received their embassy date of August 5, 2010. They return to Ethiopia on August 1, 2010 and fly back to the U.S. on August 7, 2010
They will touch down on U.S. soil as a family on August 8!!!!!! They will only be back home for about two weeks before they return to get HIM!!!!!!

An Ethiopian Update

2010-07-13T11:01:00.002-04:00

I know so many of you are waiting on pins and needles to learn of Tamara and Kai's progress. I am her sister and have been put in charge of updating her blogworld of their progress and experiences.

I just received a phone call from Tamara in Ethiopia. They had originally set their courtdate for July 14, then it was moved to July 15, now it is back to July 14. Yep, tomorrow guys!!! It's showtime....She is suppose to call me tomorrow, following court, to give me the news. They will be meeting with the attorney at 9 am tomorrow, followed by court at 10 am (Ethiopian time). They will find out tomorrow if they pass. Because we are all very positive thinkers and envision lollipops, rainbows, and gumdrops....She will be calling to tell me they passed, along with their return date to pick HIM up. (do you see the emphasis HE already has in this family!!!)

Now, onto the best news!!!!! They met HIM today. She was so excited. She started crying just describing him to me. They were able to video their time with him. Their visit was an hour long, well, unfortunately for HIM, their hour visit went into HIS naptime. Apparently, dude digs his naps!!!! He was a little upset over missing some much needed shut-eye, but he hung in there like a trooper and spent some much needed time with Tamara and Kai. She described him as big, bouncy, alert, wonderful, and the BEST!!!!! He really took to Kai and warmed up to him more than Tamara. She said she walked with HIM for a short distance and her elbows began shaking because HE is rather.......healthy!!!!!

When they arrived in the room, the social worker was with them. That is standard because everything they do is to protect the children. Also in the room upon their arrival, was the physical therapist and occupational therapist. They were really glad to see these experts in the room with the children. These professionals are available to all the children in the room as they are needed.

Tamara said the one thing they were not prepared for was the drain your body takes after the visit. She said she couldn't sleep last night. She was so nervous, excited, anxious, her hands were shaking, etc. They had waited their whole lives for this moment, and it was finally here!!!! The adrenaline was pumping through their body so much. When the visit concluded and they went back to their house, they both crashed. She said they both took a nap before lunch. The emotional toll was not something either of them had prepared for. When I spoke with her, it was post nap, she sounded great....she was on cloud nine.

They will get to visit with HIM 1 hour on Thursday and 1 one on Friday. HE will not be in court due to his age. With these new laws, they are beginning to enforce some changes. Toddlers are allowed to be present in court, however, babies are not. They are also going to be limiting the visitation based on ages. Toddlers will likely have a more limited visitation than the babies.

She raved about their driver. She said they would be lost without him. I am looking forward to her phone call tomorrow.....I will keep all of you updated as I hear from Tamara. Thanks for reading. I know my verbage isn't as exciting as my sister's. She got the talent in the family!!!!

On a side note: I wanted to wish all of you the best of luck with your adoptions. I have never seen anything like what my sister has gone through. It has truly been a roller coaster ride for everyone. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I performed natural childbirth with twins that had a combined weight of over 13 pounds....I can tell you.....That was nothing compared to what you guys go through on these adoption adventures. Best of luck to you all, hang in there....One day your family will be blogging for you while you are visiting with your child.

Speechless

2010-07-07T21:57:00.004-04:00

We have officially checked-in for the flight of our lives!

Yes, I'm the girl who jumps on the airline's website exactly 24 hours prior to a flight in order to guarantee the best seats. You know, the seats you were unable to confirm when you purchased your tickets - like ours which landed us in a single file (duo) aisle format, one if front of the other. Well, now we have a great couples seat side-by-side where we can throw on our eyemask and plop in our earplugs and snooze away. And if that really happens, I will be one happy lady because the reality is that what I feel right now does not allow for sleep! After 18 months of waiting, it still doesn't feel like it's happening.

Considering I still have loads to do tonight, I will wrap this up with...

#1...THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! for the texts in the middle of the night and emails and wall posts and calls (and more texts) from those other waiting mamas who 'get it', to our family who jumped onboard the minute we mentioned we're adopting and continue to wait on pins & needles along side of us, to our new Gladney family who have taken Baby N under their wings until we get there and to all our friends who have rooted us along the entire way and have all somehow morphed into an entire community of newfound aunts & uncles. A final thanks goes out to the WorldWideWeb. What in the world did adopting families do prior to the internet? I can't imagine this experience being the same without the power of the internet.

#2...We had some updates today prior to our trip and it appears we are the only family in-country next week. Our court date is not the 14th, but the 15th. And the best? It is very possible we will visit Baby N THREE (3) times!!!! The final visit would be the day after court. Do you know what that means? If we pass on Thursday, 7/15 and visit him on Friday, 7/16 - he is OURS and we are HIS!!! When I mentioned a family photo earlier it didn't include a post-court date shot. That may now be the case. *happy dance*

That will also assist in minimizing the big "ugly cry" that is inevitable as we board the plane while leaving him behind. By not having our court date be the last time seeing him (across the room), things are that much better right now. This is such a pleasant surprise and something I hope sticks for all families coming through. I was dreading seeing him in court without hanging with him, followed by our departure.

#3...We're hoping to have internet service and plan to update. If we're dropping a package for you, your kiddie should have it by Wed 7/14 and if all goes well with our tech side of things, we'll have photos for you all and video. The video may be sent when we return, unless it's something I can easily master and magically put together with our internet at hand.

So, to recap:

Tomorrow - 6pm flight to Cairo & hang for the weekend
Monday - arrive Addis
Tuesday - our first Baby N sighting
Thursday - COURT DATE
Saturday - midnight flight out and begin working our way back to NYC

Off to finish last minute details.

XOXO

Here We Come, Baby N!

2010-07-04T09:05:00.004-04:00

In nine days we'll have our first family photo!!!

Well, kind of. We still have to pass court on 7/14 to officially be considered a "family" on paper but nonetheless, all three of us will be in the same room next Tuesday, 7/13 and we will be snapping away. The following day we'll appear in court, hopefully pass and then be issued our embassy date. That's the date we'll return to Ethiopia (early/mid August) to bring our son home.

Since passing our first court date (6/30), it seems things have been moving at warp speed with things to prepare, lists to check off and of course the holiday weekend. One thing I'm experiencing though that I wanted to pass on to waiting families is the sense of completeness you will feel. I can't help but contribute the agony of waiting for this day to happen and knowing you're done with it that makes it that much more complete. The ups & downs of this roller coaster over the past 1+ years gains so much momentum as you near court date that it does quite a job on one's sanity at times.

One thing that hit me when our caseworker called was, I can take the tags off now!

We have a nursery packed full of goodies; all with their store tags firmly in place. In the back of my mind, I couldn't go to the level of permanancy that requires one to remove the tags before putting the clothes away. What if something happened? Would I be jinxing something? How could we ever handle this if something fell through for some bizarre reason in the final hour? Well, I'm over that now and with scissors in hand...there will not be one tag remaining in Baby N's nursery when I'm done! It's happening and all the weight we've carried around for the past months, that only got heavier toward the end, is gone.

If you're waiting, just know that there is an end in sight and all the crazies will soon make sense! If you're a reader of this blog and not an adopting parent, you may have no idea what I'm referring to. If you're an AP, I'm sure you get it. We're all crazies together on some level :)

So...

Our bags are packed - three in total:
Bags One & Two: humanitarian aide
Bag Three: our clothes, care packages (which we'll drop with waiting families' children) and a small package for Baby N

Word of advice on air travel:
Read the fine print and follow up if any leg of your flight involves EgyptAir as a codeshare partner. A long story (one that has taken many hours of my time over the past FOUR days) but I'll make it short...
EgyptAir does not have to honor their portion of your booking, in either price or actual ticketing. In addition, this messaging is quite cryptic, even for a fairly well-traveled customer to notice.
This isn't to dissuade anyone from using the airline, but to help avoid the same thing from happening to someone else. We were less than seven days from travel and realized our flight that we booked in June, was missing the EgyptAir leg and was never ticketed on their end. Not fun. Thanks to an amazing and very professional supervisor at Continental, who has seen this before, we are all sorted and on our way via Continental and Ethiopian Airlines.

We're headed to Cairo on Thursday for an eventful weekend of exploring before heading to Addis on Monday where we will most certainly be on pins and needles in anticipation of meeting Baby N on Tuesday. I get all jittery just thinking about it!

In a few hours, we're headed to my brothers for some pool, heat and bbq'ing fun.
Happy July 4th all!

WE PASSED! WE PASSED! WE PASSED!!!!!!

2010-06-30T14:40:00.001-04:00

One down. One to go.

Thank you all for your amazing support over the past few days! We felt it :)
at work, but will write more later.
XO,
Tam

Two More Days

2010-06-28T19:33:00.006-04:00

The clock is now officially ticking in my head.
I think I've reached the point of being aware of each hour ticking by in descending order from 48. The morning brings the biggest rush because 6-8 of them pass by while I snooze.

5am, Sunday morning: woken sharply by the sensation of a colony of butterflies nose-diving into and out of my belly at the speed of light. Waking to such a whirlwind is not fun, especially on a Sunday.

It has now hit me that Wed., 6/30 is THE day. Since being told we have two court dates, my focus has been on 7/14 (the one WE attend if 6/30 goes well). As of Sunday, things have turned 180 degrees. There is so much riding on 6/30 that it makes my head hurt if I think about it too much, so I'm not.

Tomorrow we start our day at 8:30am at the immigration office by updating our fingerprints. I later have two work-events after 6pm which are sure to keep me busy and take me straight into the Wednesday workday which is where I will be in meetings most of the morning. So, in theory, I really only have about 20 minutes to wait for this call.

Yes, I wish it worked like that. I've packed my schedule to the brim through Wed. and have a massage scheduled for Thursday. Whatever the outcome, I'm certain a massage will be in order by then.

I'm really curious to see how this goes. As one of the first families with two court dates, will MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) and the courts be overly meticulous with our file, likely causing a delay? or is there the outside possibility that's already occured because of the new laws, making these final steps continue to move forward with no delays? There is no way to know and that's what makes me resort back to...it makes my head hurt if I think about it too much, so I'm not.

What I will happily think about...
A mom who is currently in Ethiopia and who has visited Baby N multiple times, informed us that his favorite thing right now is bouncing in the jumper! You know, those things that clamp onto a doorway? HA! For some reason I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that, thinking how wonderful it is that he has a jumper. We're getting one asap for him and may pick up a second to take with us when we travel to leave at the care center. If he's getting this much joy from it, then we must pass this along so other kiddies can do the same.

In Six Days...

2010-06-23T21:12:00.003-04:00

...we will know if it's time to begin the end of our journey.

Next Wednesday afternoon, say 4pm'ish, I will most likely be very annoying to be around. I'll either be:

a) yapping non-stop with much excitement about meeting Baby N and how much there is to do even though we've had 18 months to prepare or...
b) Bitter Betsy will rear her ugly head

Wed., 6/30 will be a similar scene at work to many days in the past, with phone glued to hand awaiting that magical "817" to appear with news of our next life changing moment. Isn't it crazy? On Wednesday, Belay (in-country rep) will be notifying our caseworker (in TX) with the results of our first court date. If MOWA issued a favorable opinion on our file, we will leave on 7/8 and begin our journey to Baby N for our second court date (7/14) in Ethiopia. If they issue an unfavorable opinion, our agency will let us know what our next step is and approximate wait time.

Pending Baby N's schedule that day, (HA! isn't it great he has a schedule?) we're anticipating a little one-on-one time with him the day before court. We could actually be sitting in the same room with him in 19 days!!! WHOA! The thought of that gives me goosebumps. I really need to compose myself when I see him or he'll have an image of a squealing crazy lady cemented in his head, only to find out she's his mother. Oh my, that's not good.

For those not familiar...under the previous law when families traveled only once, they were traveling AFTER they had passed court, meaning their children were legally theirs. Baby N will not legally be our child on the first visit which means he will remain in the care center while we're in-country and our visit will be limited.

Because of this new structure, I spoke with our caseworker about taking packages for other families and meeting their children on their behalf. During our wait, we've had the luxury of receiving photos, videos and personal updates of Baby N through the generosity of so many traveling families as they bring home their own children. They've also transported our Ziploc baggies of goodies; delivery little pjs, blankets, photo albums, stuffed animals and even audio of us reading to him.

One mother who delivered a package for us described these updates as 'salve for a waiting mom's heart'. Perfect description. We want to ensure we're passing this along when we travel and were comforted to know that even with limited time in the care centers, we'll be able to make it work. If you are waiting and would like us to take a Ziploc goodie bag to your kiddo, email me the following:

Baby's Name
Which Care Center
Pix of Baby
Your Name & Blog Name
email to: nydshop at gmail dot com

I'll get back to you with my shipping address.

In closing, I'm sending a huge congrats to those families who recently received their referrals! Your feet will not hit the ground for at least two weeks. I'm also sending positive vibes to those awaiting court dates. Hoping the recent movement continues with court and we see more families get through before rainy season.
Thinking of you all...

What Lies Ahead

2010-06-17T06:47:00.006-04:00

look at these cheeks!

We're still in a whirlwind since receiving our court date. What a surprise this is! Of course I expected to be excited but never to this extent. I thought our court date call would resemble that of our caseworker holding a little flag and waving us through to the next stage. Oh, it's SO much more! Because of the new two trip law, we are going to MEET HIM in a matter of weeks. WOW!!!

Remember those monthly updates we receive that I mentioned being a little bittersweet recently? Well, we received one yesterday and I think that's what made it all fit so perfectly. Seeing his little tufts of hair coming in and what his new habits are...they're all a part of our very near future - in person. I can't wait!

So, the dirt that everyone wants to know...what lies ahead for two-trip families.

I have no idea if the itinerary we were given is agency-specific or applies to all those operating in Ethiopia. This is simply what we'll be doing over the next few weeks.

We were issued two court dates: 6/30 and 7/14.

6/30: MOWA's date to review our file and hopefully issue a favorable opinion. The lapse in time between 6/30 and 7/14 allows some padding for MOWA to gather any additional paperwork or details, should they require it. This (hopefully) ensures all is in order by the time we travel and appear in court on 7/14.

7/14: Our day to appear in court (IF the above occurs in a timely manner).

7/12-7/19: approx dates in-country for trip #1

mid-late August: approx timeframe for trip #2 for U.S. Embassy appt and bring home Baby N

We're advised to hold off on purchasing airline tickets until MOWA gives us the final okay on 6/30. Should they need additional time to review our file, say their opinion doesn't come until 7/5, we would most likely still have our 7/14 court date. However, should they close unexpectedly or simply need more time on our file, we would forfeit our 7/14 court date and await a reissue.

Once our adoption is approved and finalized in the Ethiopian courts, we're anticipating a return to pick up our little boy 3-6 weeks later. During this time his court decree, passport, birth certificate and other required travel & immigration docs will be processed. It is required to have all this in order upon our return for our U.S. Embassy appointment in Ethiopia. That trip will also be approximately seven days in-country, solely focused on bonding with our son.

Beause I am convinced to have been a travel agent in a past life, I will most likely be moving forward with purchasing our tickets once I find the perfect deal. Many times a change fee is more cost effective than a new purchase only days before departure. We'll see.

p.s. Did I mention that 6/30 is my grandfather's birthday? Hoping for good stuff.

Court Date!

2010-06-15T22:34:00.003-04:00

We're a two-trip family with a court date (7/14)! *Happy Dance*

I'm bursting with excitement and have no idea how I'll sleep tonight. There is movement folks!

Yes, movement for all the other families who now fall under the new law and will travel twice. It's happening and I can't wait to see more court date announcements!

I will post more tomorrow. In the meantime, we'll be falling asleep with big grins and thanking each of you for the amazing support while we waited (and waited) for this next step.
xo

80 Days

2010-06-10T21:09:00.002-04:00

80 days ago we saw a picture of our son for the first time. Absolutely speechless.

We're headed out of town tomorrow. I wanted to write a full post before leaving but my to-do list is ever growing and has yet to be touched.

Wishing everyone a great weekend!
2:30pm EST Sat: USA v England

Slow Dance

2010-06-08T07:23:00.011-04:00

My ladies-from-the-80s are sure to have at least one flashback moment of awkwardly going around and around in mindnumbing circles while your mind fast-forwards to thoughts of friends, your weekend plans, the next shopping trip or maybe just wondering - Will this dreadful dance ever end?

So, I've created a face for this wait for a court date and it's that of a big, boring slow dance. As I do the small talk and the fake smiles during this dance, with various update versions of 'no news is good news', my mind decides it needs a little more action and has moved forward with a self-created proactive approach. This slow dance is a little too monotonous for my liking and overall, quite the bore.

My proactive approach begins with heeding one's own advice. As I wonder what advice I would give to someone else in this pending stage, it would without a doubt be get busy. Get busy with all things that normally end up on the back burner. Take a deep look and try to envision the little crumbs of spare time in your very near future and...

1. clean the closets, fix the chip on the bookcase, sort & donate unused items that are taking up valuable space, paint that wall the color you love (not necessarily the one that blends), get the A/C tuned, filters changed, put those lingering photos in books with proper labels and on & on. You see where I'm going with this.

2. cooking/recipes
I've started hording recipes that appear to give me more time to play with Baby N when I get home from work and less time focusing on dinner. Kai has been the lucky (*sarcasm*) recipient of my finds. And yes, some have been followed by a quick pizza delivery. But I must say, this is the time to be trying out the new stuff.

3. gym/exercise
a) for the obvious health benefits and...
b) I'm totally serious here...so I can carry this guy around!!!! I was told once that I have 'Rolling Stone arms'. I'm not sure what that means, but it does paint a fairly accurate picture. I'm not a huge fan of the gym but I have ventured into a pretty good place right now and am building up the arms and back strength. The first thing traveling families reference when they report back is Baby N's shockingly large frame. I have taken this report seriously and will be ready :)

4. babybook/lifebook
BN's babybook arrived a couple of weeks ago and with each agency update, we've begun filling in the blanks. Loving this task! I've yet to begin a life book, but am having fun in the planning stage and researching others' ideas online.

5. packing lists for two trips
This is the fun part because it's a task directly related to bringing BN home! and yes, it includes Excel spreadsheets. :)

6. letter
I'm writing a private letter to BN that I'll share with him when he's much older.

7. daycare
We've researched daycare centers in our area, which I think I mentioned awhile ago. This is a great thing to do if you live in an area with various options. It's something that needs to be done if you plan on working and it also relates directly to your child, making you feel a strong sense of accomplishment and a little closer to him/her/them.

8. read
There isn't enough time to read everything out there that I feel I should. I see various books suggested through different sites and also from what others are reading and I want to read them all! Will I be a little more prepared with each book I read? Who knows??? I do know it's a very productive way to pass the time.

I can't think of any moment in my life that created a complete an undetermined halt of action. As we await a phone call that brings things back into motion, I think...What an opportunity this is to clean life's house! If I was ever the organized fool before, watch out now. No nook or cranny is off limits while I go round and round in this slow dance.

Feel free to add your own tips. I would love to add more to my list and I'm sure others would too.

The Voice In My Head Looks Like This...

2010-06-03T20:32:00.004-04:00

Artwork: Louisa Giffard

Speculative Living

2010-06-01T20:00:00.010-04:00

It's the analytical, hypothetical and very-much-assumed stage. Simply put, I've fallen into the abyss of theory.

Because now that I know what Baby N looks like at seven months old, that man who just bumped into me at the Union Square market is most definitely what Baby N will look like when he's in his early 30s. Yes, I see the similarity in the cheeks and the smile.

And the woman on the train who allowed her little boy to stand up in his seat while she was so fully engrossed in her novel? That will NOT be happening on my watch! and the mouth on his little sister!!! Are you kidding me? Baby N will utter nothing by lovely little oos and ahhs....forever. ha!

As I walked to the train this morning, I followed a father walking his son to school. They were engaged in a deep conversation as the little boy made little catch-up steps and wiggled just right to keep his backpack from falling off one shoulder. Awwww....this is where it's all going down. The father & son time will be what he looks forward to at the beginning of each day.

Then come the 'nexts'. This weekend, Kai and I celebrated an awesome seventh anniversary (16 years including dating!) that included a bike rental and a romantical, fun-filled afternoon ride along the promenade on the Hudson river. Much of the ride was spent chatting about next year at this time and the little tot-seat that will be plopped on the back of one of our bikes. We decided whomever has the smoothest ride will be the one in charge of this tot-seat, considering it will be carrying some pretty valuable cargo!

Another 'next' was, of course, when Mother's Day rolled around and how we'll be spending it next year. We're now discussing this Father's Day and next. As big soccer fans, we're welcoming the new Red Bull's stadium and are psyched to have scored tickets to some upcoming Euro teams coming to town. I don't think I was done checking out when we were already speculating on the appropriate age for Baby N to attend his first game. Is next Father's Day too soon? No, I'm sure it will be fine if we bring the right amount of snacks and sun protection - and so went the conversation. It was as if he was already home and in need of a bag for a field trip at school the next day; certainly not a soccer game that may or may not be happening in the summer of 2011.

It seems once the referral comes in and you have an image of little feet, a face and the smile that you know was smiled just for YOU, that you've just been warranted the right to speculate. Who knows what the timeframe will be at this point, but odds are with every holiday and major family event in 2010, that Baby N will be in the mix of it all when it rolls around in 2011.

I say speculate away and the bigger the imagination, the more fun!

Retail Therapy

2010-05-27T21:55:00.006-04:00

Mama needs a new pair 'o shoes...and the sparklier, the better!

So, it appears in honor of Baby N's seven month birthday on Wednesday, I subconsciously wriggled a gift out of it for myself. At lunch, I decided to take a long walk and mysteriously found myself standing in front of the most wonderful display of shoes with a little voice in my head bellowing: "Do it. Do it." So I did.

Other mothers-in-waiting will back me up on this...on some weird level you feel closer to your baby when you buy little things for them. Doing this occasionally is wonderful but it's not ideal if you already have a nursery stocked full of items from amazing friends & family. I also find it to be a very temporary solution, sometimes even making the wait worse when I have to put the item away in this ever looming nursery that screams, "Come on folks, let's get going!" (am I losing it if I think our nursery is speaking to us?)

Back to the shoes...they're the injection of lightness & fun needed right now. Things can become heavy in IA - as more birthdays pass, updates loudly pronouncing your child's growth while not with you, saving furiously for two trips, awaiting another call that holds the next clue to your journey and on & on.

Yup, these sparkly shoes are in order and I recommend it for all of you. I can't decide if they're fabulous for their Bowie'ish glam or so beyond tacky, like something one would find in the bottom of a thrift store bin. I do like that they resemble a little party for your feet and that's exactly the look I'm going for right now, so I've decided they are simply perfect.

Next week is a BIG one! There are five Gladney families with court dates on Tues, 6/1 and at least three more on Fri., 6/4. Sending prayers, crossing fingers & sending positive vibes and thoughts to all of you! Come on MOWA!!!

I also believe our lovely Heidi is returning from Ethiopia this week with the twins! YAY!!!!

Happy Memorial Weekend to all!

Ma & Pa Gittens

2010-05-26T06:34:00.008-04:00

Who doesn't love Little House on the Prairie?

pi·o·neer:

one who is first or among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise, or progress –noun

to take part in the beginnings of - verb

When your head is so deeply buried in something, it's hard to see anything objectively from the outside looking in. So, when a handful of various friends, family and supporters have referred to us as 'pioneers' I would simply look at them with a quizzical look. Well, now I get it.

As one of the first families proceeding under the newly enacted Ethiopian International Adoption laws (effective 5/9/10) we now see that our recent lull was directly related to being one of these so-called pioneer families. So, while I was pulling my hair out as others flew by us on the wait list (including a family who received their referral on the same day as us, who are now in-country picking up their child) our files were being brought up to speed to meet these new requirements.

Since receiving an update yesterday and gaining some insight into our case, I feel our heads are no longer buried and we can look at our situation as others do. You see, our paperwork WAS submitted to court. However, it was denied because the court requested further documentation specific to our case that wasn't a requirement under the previous law. It has now been produced and our file will be submitted to court over the week to request a court date. Now why couldn't I have simply recognized that we ARE among the pioneers and will most likely face a delay here or there due to the new policies in place? Well, because what I'm realizing is that when it's your baby at the other end of this - there will be no reasoning or rationale!

So, now that we're in the loop and know what is expected for the next step, we're exhaling a little bit. It's very possible we'll experience further blips, as the courts are becoming more rigorous under the new laws, but we'll deal with that later if we need to. Right now our focus is receiving a court date and crossing our fingers that it's before rainy season.

And in the true spirit of saving the best for last...

Happy Birthday Baby N!!!!

Sending loads of hugs & kisses on your 7 month birthday and a big squeeze to those humungo cheeks!

Who Suggested This?

2010-05-20T21:10:00.009-04:00

and what were the details???

Okay, so I'm lame by sending out a broadcast message, but I've Googled and searched my fingers to the bone trying to find this on my own to only turn up with naaaaahDAH after two days.

I'm compiling our travel to-do lists for Trip Part 1 (for court) and another for Trip Part Deux (the magical one that brings home Baby N). You should all know you're responsible for this massive three ring binder currently sitting on our dining room table! We've printed & filed all those fabulous tips you've suggested along the way. Said binder...will eventually be condensed to a simple journal to accomodate carry-on luggage requirements.

The missing link...approximately three to six months ago there was a self-described overly organized mother-in-waiting who planned her family's in-country spending by preloading a corrugated expandable file; each section labeled M-F with each day's funds in its allocated slot. Who was this? and where can I print your amazing travel tips?

Hopefully there is another control-freak out there just like me who printed, filed and/or bookmarked this tip. And whomever you may be...I thank you in advance!

A Candle and a Care Package

2010-05-18T19:53:00.008-04:00

A candle was lit last night in honor of Heidi and Mark who we've all showered over the past few days with tips, poems and a potpourri of congratulations as they departed today for Ethiopia. Over the next two weeks they will soak in the country of their twins as they compile their story through images, conversations, tears and much joy. We're all awaiting the image of all four of them together...finally!

Along this journey they will make a pitstop at Baby N's crib to drop a care package, possibly grab a video snippet and steal a quick minute for some much needed little hugs on our behalf. The current care package includes a few items that were chosen based solely on their comfort level. They seem like very soft & cuddly lounge wear which will come in handy for all children after Baby N who will wear them. Once these items go into the care centers, they stay there so we wanted to ensure we sent items that will benefit all. The teething ring is self-explanatory, as each picture of Baby N shows major signs of teething. Hopefully this is good on the gums.

Lastly, the giraffe. This guy is a gift from Nana and has been in our bedroom for months, soaking in our smell. It's now stuffed into a ZipLock baggie and on a plane to Addis where BN will play with it and begin to smell our scent. Nana was especially smart on this purchase by showing up with two giraffes; one for the current trip and one to remain here for BN to have upon his arrival in his new room.

And the bear suit is just, well - adorable.

Another traveling mother offered some hugging for our little guy with a picture. When sending it to us, she described it as 'salve for a waiting mama's heart'...indeed. I couldn't describe it better.

When Kai & I receive these emails from traveling families, my heart races as I see them appear in my inbox. They feel like that missing little bulb in a string of holiday lights that make all the rest light up; like we were a dwindling, twinkle-weakling headed for the end of holiday rubbage. Suddenly, we have more life than ever before and are sparkling our little hearts out.

Hopefully on some level, Baby N understands that two crazy people are here waiting for his arrival and he will know someday that random shots of his chubby little cheeks were the fuel for these crazy people as they waited for him.

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

2010-05-16T08:44:00.003-04:00

Yes, she's addressing the elephant in the room folks.

So far, so good - nothing to see here yet.

I'm sure I'll have the required time and energy one needs for a good 'ole fashion meltdown, should we be in this situation a week or two from now.

For those not privy to the FBI list and scratching your heads in wonder, let me fill you in...
There is an unofficial list (the FBI) that approximately 1/2 the families with our agency have volunteered to sign on with that enables us to track each other's progress through the various stages of bringing our children home. It's an amazing tool that gives a small-town feel to this vast nationwide community. You cheer the others on as they finalize their paperwork, receive their referral phone calls and so on. I can't imagine going through this process without this list and the amazing group of women who accompany it. To try and describe the friendships I've made through this little 'ole excel spreadsheet would never do justice, as they are beyond friendships. These women are now sisters and part of our family. What in the world did adopting families do before the internet? (that's for another post, another time)

So yes, that elephant...

Scrolling from the top of this list (chronologically) through to the families who received their referrals a month after us, there is only one empty blank. We are that blank. All other families have had their paperwork submitted and have received court dates. As of Friday, our paperwork still hasn't been submitted. *stomach flipping*

Many have asked how we're doing, while I'm sure others are secretly thinking 'Well, THAT can't be good'. Believe me, if I was on the outside looking in, I would be thinking the same thing! Our caseworker has been awesome and keeping communication open with Belay, who assures us all is fine and within the expected timeframe. This reassures me for a minute, until I view the list again and that lonely little blank morphs into a seizure inducing neon blinking Golden Nugget casino sign flashing "Uh-oh Uh-oh". Yes, a solution would be to stop viewing the list - but I can't. So much is happening so fast with other families right now. These are families we've traveled this journey with from the beginning. I'm not about to miss this part! This is the time to celebrate.

So to recap, we're not nervous yet. We're currently still in a place to beat the clock for the inevitable rainy season. (we need to pass court before the courts close for rainy season in August or we don't travel until they reopen in early October). That's what all the fuss/rush is about here.

I would say an accurate description is pending-nervousness. The call that either gives an update, a paperwork confirmation or a court date will obviously wane this pending state. No news at all...will likely raise our level to "I think it's time to be nervous."

Ahhh, the wait continues. I thought waiting for our referral was going to be the hard part, but heard from families that this part is a bit rougher. Waiting for court has been a much different kind of wait. It has brought a sense of calm because we can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator. He's no longer the 'unknown'. The hard part though? We can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator!

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

You're Invited to a Shower Today...

2010-05-15T08:51:00.004-04:00

...and tomorrow and the day after.

Please celebrate with us in sending Heidi off to Addis in style by sharing your advice, tips and lighting a candle. Heidi has been a one-woman support system for so many of us, while enduring her own journey to her wonderful boys. That journey takes it's final turn on Tuesday as Heidi and Mark fly off to Ethiopia.

Please stop by, drop a comment and join the party!
http://celebratingheidi.blogspot.com/

Also celebrating this weekend is this lovely lady who received her referral and has seen the image of her BEAUTIFUL little boy!

Lots of love to my girls!!!

Okay, I'm writing this while traveling and am sure to lose my connection at any moment so off I go.

Happy M Day!

2010-05-09T19:27:00.005-04:00

I think I know more mothers this year than I've ever known in my life!!!...and that's a very good thing.

And in that group, I include my mothers-to-be blog buddies. I say this because anyone on the Paper Chase tab, Wait List tab, the Referral tab and particularly the Court Date (waiting to travel) tab of our unofficial-adoption-world-tracking-spreadsheet is a MOM in my opinion. If you're on any one of those lists, you're probably armed with more knowledge and readiness than is ever expected of a new parent. Happy Mother's Day to YOU!

My birthday was last week and because Kai is one of THE best gift givers, I asked him well in advance to please pass on a material gift, considering the bigger things happening right now. He obliged, suggesting a simple dinner after work which I immediately agreed to. Did I mention his choice in restaurants is especially perfect too? :)

So, we sit down to some amazing tapas and the best Malbec in town and then my best friend hands me a card marked simply with a "T". It's a scrapbookworthy card if you're 16 and the hottest guy in school dropped a card by your locker anonymously. YES, it's that good ladies! You know why? He included a coupon. Now, don't frown on the coupon card just yet. It's my first, but it's the best evAH! You see...six nights later, I'm still being pampered for a birthday that happened last week. I have a week of not cooking, cleaning AND I get a foot rub each night. I must say he set the bar pretty high because I have felt so pampered each night, which is a pretty good place to be after 15 (almost 16 years). And he starts this morning by talking about Mother's Day next year and what we'll be doing. The wheels are already in motion for his gift.

So why the purple flower on a zebra print ottoman? Well, because that's the N plant. (I just typed his name in error and deleted it) It's the plant that I will diligently work on, as my green thumb leaves much to be desired. It is what represents a good reflection post next year when we will be celebrating Mother's Day as a whole family. Hopefully I can maintain that plant long enough to have a sentimental post next year. Should something happen to it, I'm noting now that it's no reflection on anything other than...I have a really tough time keeping plants alive but I have hope :)

A special note to the mom's making this post possible...my very awesome grandmother, my mother and my mothers-in-law,

Kai & I couldn't ask for a stronger, more supportive group of women to have on our journey. We thank you all for your unique role in our process to BN and the special role you will all play in his life. This also includes the lovely aunts :) We're all so fortunate to have him in our lives and for you as the role models you'll be.

We love you!

Double The Fun

2010-05-08T06:31:00.005-04:00

Baby N's paperwork has not been completed by his orphanage, therefore was not available to be submitted to court in time for the ticking clock of the new law. We're one of the first families to fall under the new law going into effect on Monday and will be traveling twice.

It's like a cloudy film was peeled away yesterday when our caseworker called, allowing us to finally see the next few (and final) steps on our journey to BN. Those steps include:

Over the next few days/weeks:
* BN's orphanage is responsible for compiling his docs from various local agencies (comparable to the paperwork Kai & I gathered to create our dossier last year)
* orphanage hands over paperwork to Gladney
* Gladney submits BN's paperwork & our dossier to court, requesting a court date

Two-Four weeks later:
* court date is issued

Three-Six weeks later:
* court date happens (we appear in court & stay in country for one week)
* once we pass, BN's passport & travel docs are being prepped for his flight home

Two-Three weeks later:
* we travel to bring BN home :)

This timeline is a very rough estimate with a few key factors to note. Nothing is put into motion until the orphanage presents the paperwork. And… Court dates are expected to be a bit backlogged due to yesterday’s rush of agencies scrambling to get their cases submitted by deadline.

So, the dirt…many have asked how we’re doing. Well, we’re turning this into an adventure and will soon see where it takes us on our way to & from Addis. Through the numerous budget airlines offered outside the US, it’s a great resource for saving some dollars while seeing a new corner of the world. It’s not for everyone, but we’ve done it on various trips, LOVE it and will be doing it again.

The number one issue, following the financial aspect, that caused anxiety among many families upon hearing the new requirements was “How will we ever be able to get on the plane and leave our child(ren) behind?”

I've got no positive spin for that one, folks. It’s not going to be easy. The other eye-popper for me was hearing that while in-country on our first trip, we’ll see BN at court and then at some point, spend about an hour with him at his care center. I was planning to hunker down at his care center for most of our week in Addis. oof. Bring on the ‘ugly cries’!

I think our new camera will become our best friend and perfect distraction on trip #1. By having a week in Addis, we’ll become explorers; taking every opportunity to capture the reality and future memories for BN . From his home area, the locals, the landscape and everything in between - we’ll be working on his story through pictures of his home country for his baby book.

We are very much looking forward to the remainder of our journey and very fortunate to be standing in these shoes.

Today is the Deadline

2010-05-07T06:35:00.009-04:00

Today is the final day for paperwork to be submitted to the courts in Ethiopia if families are to fall under the previous law and travel only once. Considering the time difference, all decisions have most likely been made and caseworkers will be reaching out to us today.

As of Monday, 5/10, families adopting from Ethiopia will be required to be present for their court date; requiring travel once for court and then returning a few weeks later upon their passing of court to pick up their child(ren).

Speaking as one of the families teetering on the edge with a 50/50 shot of falling onto either side of this new structure, I honestly don't care on what side we land. I just want to KNOW. After all the recent updates of Baby N, the pictures, the status reports, etc....I just want to go get him.

I spoke to our caseworker earlier this week and she confirmed that she’ll call on Friday with our news. Yes – something concrete. (the control freak/planner in me is kicking into overdrive – ha!) It’s peculiar how your needs and security fluxuate during this process. Knowing we’ll hear a firm decision from her today makes today a little bit calmer than yesterday.

The best part of this? Ethiopia is being proactive to protect their children.

In other news...(and what this is all about)

This lady will be celebrating Mother's Day on Sunday as the amazing mother of her twin boys. Congratulations to Heidi & Mark on passing court yesterday!

tick tick tick...

2010-05-05T16:08:00.007-04:00

nephew Theo on the kaiPhone

tick tick tick
A world away a baby boy unknowingly waits
A world away his parents can not sleep
Ups and downs, a roller coaster, the unexpected. The journey of the P.A.P.
You've grown in our hearts and we're no longer waiting to love you

Some days fly by with constant thoughts of who you must be
Others drag as we don’t have a clue
We don’t know you. You don’t know us. We’ve yet to meet.
At what point did we become family?

Did you know you’re in charge now? Yes, it’s true
Everyday is consumed with thoughts of you, talks of you and simply you
People you’ve never met ask about you. People we’ve never met ask about you
We’ve made new friends because of you and through you, they're now family

When life changes this big, one prepares to wait
And while we wait…
There are hurdles, hoops and walls to master
And when I think I’m going to burst…I now do

I can because this wait is temporary
When it ends, we’ll be holding you
And you can then digest us, as we have you for so long
This wait will soon end and we will all be stronger and ready

A world away you're peacefully and temporarily adjusted
A world away a new room and home full of love await you
And many, many open arms ready to give you everything
Now would be a good time for this wait to end

if you like it, we'll say it's mine
if you don't because there's no rhyme or reason, we'll call it 'author unknown'

Vocal & Bouncy

2010-05-04T06:33:00.004-04:00

LOVING these updates from Baby N's caretakers in Ethiopia! (and thanks to Lori for the amazing photo) I know I said I wouldn't be posting anymore images of him, but how could I not share this?

I got a big case of the LOLs and the warm & fuzzies when I read yesterday's update that stated Baby N is 'vocal & bouncy' and has a 'wide gummy smile'. And apparently he's very social. He's six months old - ha!

The warm & fuzzies quickly turned to a butterfly'ish stomach flip when I read next that his caretaker is working with him on standing up. Nooooooooooo. That's what we're suppose to be doing. As we await a court date, my plan to remain as ambivalent as possible is slowly going out the window with each update that comes our way. I want him home NOW. In the meantime, I will take a deep breath and regain my sanity, knowing there is no better place for Baby N to be right now while he also awaits our court date. His level of care could not be better.

We're only days (four) away from finding out if we travel once or twice. If we don't have a court date by Friday, we'll be traveling twice. Other families awaiting big news...Heidi's court date is tomorrow!!!! and Emily's referral should be ANY minute now.

Come on court passings, referrals and court dates!!!!

The Sweet Sounds of Charlie Brown's Teacher

2010-04-28T18:54:00.004-04:00

MWaaaawwwnt MWaaaawwwnt MWaaaawwwnt MWaaaawwwnt MWaaaawwwnt...

These are the sounds in my head.

I hear them when I'm in a meeting, on a call, boarding the train, greeting my neighbors, picking up my dry cleaning - you get the point. I have so many balls in the air right now (as we all do) and I really don't care what I catch and what falls. I want a court date and I want to bring Baby N home. End of story. Anything non-adoption related...ech, whatEVAH.

I admire everyone who has gone down this road ahead of us because I don't recall any whiners; only loads of stoic fellow-bloggers. Well, to be honest, now that we've reached this stage, all I want to do is whine. And not for attention. It's purely because I don't think anyone should be expecting anything of me right now except to wait by my phone for our call that we have a court date, we passed and it's time to travel. HA! Not too much to ask right?

Apparently the world doesn't stop when you're waiting for a court date (or to be on wait list, or to get your referral, or for your travel date, or even for your return home and you begin to hunker down with your new family). You must continue to deal with your daily responsibilities and not lose focus. I AM trying and on most days, consider it a success...then come the moments of fluff in others. I don't like fluff in others. I like strong people who care about others.

A fellow Gladney family was awaiting word today on the outcome of their second court date. On pins and needles all day to find out if they passed, only to hear no news is coming out of Ethiopia today because all phones and internet are down in the region. Court proceeded as normal and issued their decisions; families just won't know these results until tomorrow. They're not complaining. They're waiting patiently for their news.

So, to hear someone in the elevator completely devastated over their iPad or that 3G isn't fast enough .... *enter Charlie Brown's teacher*

This is where I drift off to a land I have yet to visit where our son currently lives with frequent blackouts, poverty, limited resources and where any type of internet is a luxury. I can't focus on anything BUT this and going to get him. Nor can I help but think what's really worth complaining about in life.

I have nothing to complain about.

Six Month Old Cheeks...

2010-04-26T20:58:00.006-04:00

I think I even see a dimple. Can you see it?

Our little guy is six months old today! As you know, we're not allowed to post his name or any identifiable mentions. This will be the only picture we post. How can we not share these fabulous cheeks (well, a portion of)?

Happy Birthday Baby N! It's heavy on the heart right now, knowing you're so far away but there are plenty of birthdays to come and we will be there for EVERY one of them! Every one of them, until you're too cool for us and want to hang with your buddies instead :)

...and we'll still be there

Every Line Means Something

2010-04-18T16:13:00.012-04:00

Every line means something Basquiat

After not posting for a week, I have a lot of random thoughts to put to paper that really don't flow as a whole. I thought I would wait until I had a more complete story and then I realized...nothing in this journey flows as a whole so who cares if my post doesn't?

Then I thought, if I slap up a poignant quote for the opener the rest would mysteriously fall into place. My bff, Google, just exhausted 45 minutes of my time as I read through a plethora of life-changing quotes and inspirational thoughts of the notable (and not-so-notable) personalities. In the end, so many are longer versions of Nike's money making Just Do It campaign. That's when I remembered Basquiat's (LOVE!) 'Every line means something'.

How awesome is that statement? We're all artists; each of us creating our life one line at a time. Now this is my interpretation, not his. He was simply responding to the critics who thought he sucked and was only in the spotlight because he was pals with Mr. Warhol. However, as a huge fan, I'm incorporating his comment into a more personal meaning.

So, back to all those random "lines" happening right now that mean something...

We received our monthly update from our caseworker on Friday. The in-country team forwards photos and a developmental report each month on the status of your child(ren) from the time you accept a referral to the time you travel. This is both exhilarating and very difficult. I have found myself trying to remain a bit distant as I see these photos, read the updates and realize that what I'm seeing and reading is about our son who lives on the other side of the planet. It's too hard. It's too hard because I don't know when we can see him and hold him. Our hearts are melting and I will become a miserable lunatic if I wake up each day and focus on how many more days, weeks or months are ahead without him. I choose to not think about that part.

All updates point in the direction that our little boy is well...NOT so little! Another Gladney mother currently in-country visited Baby N, which we are beyond grateful for. The update was so encouraging and again, tugged away at our emotions. One comment that caught me off-guard in her email and caused a roaring LOL at my desk was..."I was able to hold him and kiss him and hug him and tell him his family will soon be there...that was before my arms went out. He is a big boy." HA!

The volcanic cloud from Iceland has delayed the flights of thousands, including this family. They are making their way to Addis via Amsterdam to pick up their (very adorable) little girl who is currently in the same house as Baby N. They have generously offered to carry and personally deliver our first care package to Baby N, so needless to say we are following every minute of their journey. Our thoughts are with them as they navigate through the next few days and make their way to unite with their daughter. All int'l adoption experts tell you to prepare to let go - that everything is soon to be out of your control and on a completely unpredictable timeframe. You never really think volcanic ash is on that list!

We still don't know if we're traveling once or twice. The family who received a referral ten days prior to us found out their paperwork was submitted to court last week. If that timeframe is any indication to us, that would mean our paperwork would be submitted to the courts in Ethiopia by the May 9th deadline. This family sent us an email on Saturday that they already received a court date and it's for April 30th!!! They're with a different agency, but it's all positive news to hear how quickly the courts are moving right now. We've already prepared ourselves to travel twice and would LOVE the opportunity to see Baby N sooner (with the two trip rule). There are pros and cons to both sides, as most things go. In any event, we're all getting closer. Whatever stage you're at right now, things are moving and things are being watched. These are very, very good things for both the Ethiopian children and program.

So Now What?

2010-04-11T18:06:00.006-04:00

Operation Baby N is a go!

We have forces in NY, NJ, DC, GA, PA, CT, NC, TX, MD, CA, AZ, NH, KS, OH, IL, ME, WV, VA, TN and of course on the ground in Addis (and I'm not even referring to the amazing Gladney reps). These are all locations that Baby N either has family, friends or traveling parents who are all playing a role in our final journey to him and his to us.

There are only three (very big) steps remaining in our journey...

1) receive our court date

2) pass court

3) travel to bring Baby N home

The lovely "ifs, ands or buts" will be in charge of these steps, not us. As much as I prefer to control everything along the way, I am passing this off to them and watching from the sidelines. Yes, I am and I'm actually fine with it because Kai and I have done everything in our power to make this as smooth as possible and so has our agency. There's really nothing more we can do except wait to be told when and how many times we will be buying plane tickets.

Many friends have asked what happens when we get home. I'll do a homecoming-specific post for that one, but in the meantime it's definitely worth mentioning.

Unlike what is typically seen on TV upon the arrival of an adopted child, we will not be met with balloons and fanfare. The three of us (*gasp*- LOVE it!) will simply grab a cab from either JFK or Newark and begin hunkering down asap. I imagine pulling an all-nighter with many bottles, books, rocking and loads of Chinese delivery that night. (Did I mention they are also aware and very supportive of Baby N's arrival?) When I tell you our neighbors are excited, I mean ALL neighbors - including local businesses.

Kai and I will be the only ones to feed, bathe and put Baby N to bed for the first two months, which is key to our attachment and bonding. Feeding will be the only thing that changes when we return to work, but the others will remain in effect for at least six months. During the first two months, we will reluctantly be avoiding visitors. He's so darn cute and we want to share him with the world, but we also know we need to do what's right according to him. I can tell you right now that his grandparents will be having none of this and are certain to slip past the Baby N Velvet Rope! and that's exactly why we love them!

To all non-grandparents reading this...we'll be making loads of time for everyone once we all settle in. I see many, many roadtrips in our future, which we're honestly looking forward to. One thing I realized at our shower that is also becoming clearer the closer we get, this little guy has THE biggest instant family and friend network imaginable. How awesome is that?

In other news, we need a new picture! I still can't help getting up at all hours to come look at his perfect little face and chubby cheeks in the middle of the night. We should have a few more pix in the next couple of weeks from other families and from our monthly agency update.

Couch-Time

2010-04-08T20:25:00.010-04:00

Kai and I have a blow out argument every 9-10 months.

This has been the case for the past 15.9 years and simply appears to be the working synergy of our relationshipalness.

It's disturbing that it's so predictable, yet it's cleansing. It opens our eyes and keeps us on our toes. It's a bump in the road that forces us to value and be so very thankful for our relationship. It's also inevitable when you share 1200 sq ft with the same person for almost 16 years! It's life, is what it is.

So, why in the world would I share this with all of you? Because I know you're all not "unicorns & rainbows" everyday either! (I must say, that previously "quoted" phrase is one I never heard prior to adopting and thought it fitting in this instance.)

Our fights normally happen at the end of a long day, which inevitably leave one of us on the couch.

In the past, couch-time for me meant..."If I'm forfeiting a comfy, fluffy king-size bed for this, then I'm certainly not going to spend my narrow-mock-bedded evening in a he-said she-said rehashing mindset." My thoughts would be "If I lived alone, how would I decorate my own apartment?" And by the time I got to the second room (third, during a big argument), I would already be missing Kai and all his stuff. I would realize all will be fine in the morning and I would begin to doze off.

For some reason since we submitted our adoption paperwork last February, these 9-10 month spouts disappeared. That was until...about a week after we received our referral and bingo. Well, after 20+ months, I was headed back to the couch and this is how it all went down...

Things were different this time. "I don't want to be on the couch!" and "I can't sleep on the couch. We're having a baby!" and finally "There's no time for make-believe decorating anymore. This is serious stuff." That's when it began to sink in that we've been kids ourselves for a very long time. It's part of who we are, how we met and why we work so well together.

These near-annual outbursts may continue for the rest of our lives, who knows? The point is, I foresee them taking on a new form. A more discreet form. You know the kind, like when you were six years old and riding in the backseat of your parents car and your mother is answering your father through gritted teeth. You're not sure why her face looks like that, but you also don't focus on it. You're six, that's not your responsibility and nor should it be.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, other than to say there are a lot more preparations required when bringing a child into your home than simply having a big heart and creating a nursery. It's the day to day stuff; the real-life stuff. We won't always get it right, but I can honestly say that Baby N is already having an influence on how we see things, how we need to see things and what priorities will shift as our family grows. He may not yet be here physically, but he has completely arrived in our hearts and is 100% a part of our family in mind and spirit. Baby N, you're already changing the rules in the Gittens' home and we welcome it with wide open arms!

Cynosure

2010-04-03T06:59:00.006-04:00

My Dictionary.com widget's word of the day is cynosure.
Substitute 'Baby N' in the example sentence below and I think it applies to the rest of our lives. Everything I see lately applies to Baby N and the rest of our lives. It's a bit ridiculous how our mindset has shifted gears so drastically so quickly.

cy·no·sure (sī'nə-shŏŏr', sĭn'ə-) n.
An object that serves as a focal point of attention and admiration. the cynosure of all eyes.

We've had loads of questions from family and friends asking What's Next? Very good question! There have been some recent shifts in-country regarding court proceedings and requirements. It's not uncommon to see changes put in place, but when they are - it takes a minute to get the dirt on what is fact vs. speculation. Now that all has settled and we have confirmation from our agency of the new rules (via email and a long conversation with our ever-patient caseworker) we know better where we are in the scheme of things.

Remember the ginormous amount of paperwork we were collecting, notarizing, copying and scanning for the first six months of this journey? Well, that is our dossier. It has lived in Ethiopia since July 10, 2009, where it has been translated to Amharic, scoured with a fine tooth comb by in-country attorneys and given a thumbs up. It is now awaiting Baby N's paperwork (orphanage intake forms and some other government docs). Once his paperwork is gathered (began the day after we accepted our referral) it is put with our dossier and both are delivered by a Gladney rep to the court in Ethiopia to request an official court date for our adoption. If this package is submitted to the court PRIOR to May 9th, we will be traveling once (upon passing court to bring home Baby N). If it is delivered after May 9th, we will be traveling twice (once for court date and then three to six weeks later to bring home Baby N).

In either event, we are anticipating travel before July.

The wait time for families finding out their court dates is 2-3 months from accepting their referral. However, The Schmidts (Congratulations!) received theirs in only five weeks. A few months ago, the wait was only 4-6 weeks. You see? This is why speculating is exactly that. Nothing is firm until you get word from your caseworker and each family's case is so very different.

A few positive thoughts are being sent to the families at the top of the Wait List, awaiting referrals for baby girls. Hang in there....you are so very close and we're all thinking of you.

and in closing (BIG BIG drumroll here folks....) HEIDI & MARK GOT THEIR COURT DATE!!!! April 23rd will be a day we are all awaiting to hear the news that the twins are coming home!

Okay, I am now off to watch ManU vs. Chelsea and get some baking done for our big dinner tomorrow.
Happy Easter everyone!!!

Baby N, Meet Mommy & Daddy

2010-03-29T19:33:00.011-04:00

Our little guy is about to have his first glimpse into the sights and sounds of his mom and dad (scent too, but that's for another post)
caution: unintentional product endorsements follow

The great thing about this community (yes, here I go again - sorry) is how close-knit and supportive complete strangers are with each other in this world of international adoption. Through blogs and online forums, families reach out asking "Who is traveling soon? We just got our referral and would like to send a small package to our child." (and then the traveling family packs your care package and personally delivers it upon landing in Ethiopia)

Okay, they ask a lot of things - this being the most common 'favor' and the one we're about to ask at the end of this week once our care package is ready. The most touching public forum conversation I read was a woman posting that she just received word her child was admitted to the hospital in Ethiopia. She needed/wanted to send some medicine with a traveling family asap. Many families offered, but weren't traveling for another week or two. Then a family wrote that they were leaving in two days; no time for the mother to mail them the medicine. The solution? The traveling mother asked "What medicine is it and what care center is your child in? I can pick it up locally tonight and throw it in our bags. We'll drop it as soon as we land in Addis."

That was something I read many months ago and it impressed me like nothing has impressed me before. I decided right then that I love these people and I want to do the same for another family when we travel.

Yes, back to the Sights & Sounds. Have I mentioned how easily distracted I am lately?

The Sights...
I am loving the Sassy brand. Everything is plastered with bold bright colors & patterns to keep the attention of an infant/toddler. This little number below is a photo album that holds seven 4.25" x 6" photos and a mini shot on the front. Each page is tabbed in a contrasting bold color that encourages the child to interact and use their fine motor skills by flipping the pages. We snagged this at Buy Buy Baby for under $6 and stuffed it full of couple shots and then individual shots of us. It's safe for babies 3+ months. We put a little shot of Baby N on the cover so his caregiver knows it's his book.

The Sounds...
Yes, bedtime stories from afar. Kai will read a book using one side of the tape and I, the other. I read somewhere that this is a great method for your child to slowly become introduced to your voice, making for a smoother recognition/bonding the day he meets (and hears) us as we enter his care center in Addis. Who knows if this helps, but it certainly can't hurt and if anything, it's an entertaining way for him to fall asleep each night. We're hoping his caregiver plays along and will play this for him as he goes to bed each night. I've heard such amazing things about the caregivers and am certain anything that assists the children is something they're game for.

We had to search for this little device. The more common models have all gone digital and start at $100+ at retail. Crazy price for something we'll use once for recording. Staples has the microcassette old school models for $30 (including one cassette & the batteries).

The Call Story

2010-03-27T07:41:00.006-04:00

It's a long one, but a lot has happened.

I still can't believe I'm writing these words, "The Call", in our blog. We've waited over a year to be able to write that and now that it's here, I feel as if I'm watching it all unfold from afar. It's been a very surreal week (yes, week - which I will also explain) that has left me delusional. I think my left brain and right brain are on complete outs with each other, leaving me in a simple "dumb and happy" state. There's no other way to describe it.

Okay, so the details we've held back (very reluctantly, I must say). We decided last February when we started our journey that we would have a specialist review all medical/developmental records when we receive our referral. We stuck to it through all these months, lining up necessary paperwork in advance, conversations with our doctor, etc - and when we got The Call, the whole thing almost went out the window. He is just perfect! How would I EVER get through this week while waiting (MORE waiting?) on the doctor's opinion (it's a 4 day turnaround). That's also when I realized how much I've counted on all of YOU!!! I told Kai that I feel I'm doing something behind your backs by not sharing this news...the news that each of us wait for on each others' blogs. I also wondered if other families have second opinions and choose not to share their experience, as I don't think I've ever read about one. Maybe it's all done quietly behind the scenes and I just have a big mouth or share too much! ha!

So my dear blog friends & family, this is also why I was a little quiet this week. I couldn't tell a proper story because my mind has been a mess since Monday (when it all went down). Also, if anyone else has their referrals reviewed by a third party, I'm warning you that once you get that info back from the doctor, it's as if you just received the referral all over again! You're certain to lose your mind.

This was our call on Monday...
(the scene: My mom & step-father were in town for our shower and heading home on Monday, so I took Monday off. They left around noon. We got The Call at 4pm'ish.)

4pm'ish: I'm yapping on the phone with my sister in GA, listening to her jaw-break story from her twins baseball game when a call waiting beep comes through.

Me: "It's okay, I'll check it later. So it's fractured?"
(beep comes through again)
Me: Hold on Mandie. I look at my phone and see "817"
Me SCREAMING to sister: "It's 817!!!! Bye." (click)
In the short moment of hanging up on my sister and clicking over to 817, I was crying, laughing and barely breathing.
Me: "Kristen? Hi. OMG." (between sobs)
Kristin: "Tamara? Are you okay?"
Me: "No. Why are you calling?"
Kristin: "This is your call."
Me: Stand up quickly from chair, room spins wildly, I fall back in my chair & can't speak.
Kristin: "Tamara, take a deep breath and sit down."
Me: "Okay."
Kristin: "Where are you and where is Kai?"
Me: "I'm at home and he'll come home now."
Kristen: "Okay, when Kai gets home, call me back on my direct number and we'll go through your referral."
Me: "I don't have your number." (I've spoken to this woman for eight months! Of course, I have her number.)
Kristin: "Do you have a pen?" (gives me her number)
hang up

Me calling Kai...
(We had a rule for the past few weeks that we don't call each other during the day; only im'ing & texts. This way when we call each other, the other must stop whatever they're doing - expecting that it's The Call.)

Me: (now sobbing & laughing again) "Kristen called."
Kai: "What? I can't understand you. Are you okay?"
Me: "Kristen called."
Kai: "Oh SHIT! I'm leaving now. Love you." (click)

40 minutes later....

Kai walks in the door saying, "The world already looks different." Isn't he the BEST?

We call Kristin back and got voicemail. Oh no! She calls back very quickly.

Kristin: "Are you in front of your computer? I have your referral for a beautiful 4 month old boy and will be sending you two emails. The first will be his pictures with an overview of his background. The second email will contain all medical records."
(she said a lot more than this, but I don't remember)
Kristin: "Okay, I've sent them so let me know when they appear in your inbox and I'll go through each part with you."
*ding* - incoming email sound; we grab each others hands & arms with our faces about two inches from the monitor.
Kai: "OMG he's gorgeous! He looks just like me!"
Me: "I start laughing and then crying all over again." (I don't think I've cried so much in my life!)

Our feet haven't touched the ground since. We're in love with this little guy and within a matter of days, he's already changed our lives.

REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-26T10:23:00.002-04:00

goosebumps, squealing, crying, laughing....a gorgeous 4 month old boy with the chubbiest cheeks on the planet.
I'm at work and will connect all the dots later in a proper post.

Emily,
You're next girl!
xo

The Shower!

2010-03-25T19:54:00.014-04:00

Kai & I (in front of the fertility statue, hoping it brings speedy news)

My apologies to all for such a delay between posts.
I know I made a point of saying I would post as much as possible and ironically, I think this latest gap is the longest ever.

The shower. hmmmm...where to start?

I'll start by saying we never intended to have one and may be so bold to say we never even wanted one. We passed on a wedding shower, feeling that after being together for so long prior to getting married, we really had everything we needed. You see, I don't like making a list of items and then sending said list to our closest friends and family with a message "please buy all these things for us".

We decided to focus on the low-key side of things and would have a shower but only ask for books - used and/or new. Just books. Okay, this sounds like a plan.

yay! Heidi made it :) ( a shot in front of the fertility statue)

Our friends continued telling us there is a reason people have showers. Even my brother, who would normally opt out of a discussion such as a shower, had a very strong opinion. His comment referenced how babies change the world and alter all sanity. He mentioned how EVERYone loves babies and people will be buying us stuff whether we have a shower or not. The second point is what sunk in. I am a minimalist. His point was that even without a registry, a whole lot of stuff may begin appearing at our house.

And then someone else (a very smart woman who will remain nameless) said, 'That's fine not to have a shower, but if you two already have sippy cups in your house...well that's just weird." ha!

Okay, who are we kidding? We don't have any baby items in our house. Yes, books are wonderful and a necessity, but so are diapers and bottles and blankets and sippies and spoons and wipes and gumpaste and toothpaste and a thermometer and more diapers and on & on & on the list goes of things we do NOT have. We'll post images of some of the fabulous gifts in a later post.

It was better than I could ever imagine! Unfortunately, my dad was unable to attend, but everyone else was there and it was amazing!

The Grandparents...

Glen, Carole, Tony, Jennifer, Maria, Frank

Kai's father (Tony) said a few words (an understatement) based on "choice". It was the most endearing, poignant and heartfelt speech I've experienced. This room of approximately 60+ people - strangers to each other but all connected through our future son - were laughing, smiling, nodding and lastly, drying their eyes together. Had I known this was coming, we would have videotaped it. It was so moving on so many levels. Our friend, a yoga teacher, used the speech as inspiration for her Sunday evening class. Your choices define your character.

Kai & I thank everyone who celebrated with us last weekend and those of you who have supported us from the beginning of our journey. I will never forget the closing words...Just remember, when you go get him...know that you're picking him up for each of us in this room. Our little guy is coming home to a whole lotta love and that's really what it's all about!

Movement

2010-03-18T06:33:00.003-04:00

The West's got their referral!!!

Whenever I see "referral" in the title line of a post, I get goosebumps and turn giddy. These are life-changing moments happening with these families and we all get to follow along! How amazing is that?

As referrals and court dates are given, you can sense a little spark of momentum ripple through the waiting community, which is such a renewed and needed energy source.

Keeping it short today, as I'm already running late.

Huge congratulations to Shannon and family!!!!

(it's okay to feel like mush - ha!)

A High Class Problem

2010-03-15T21:30:00.009-04:00

To my waiting buddies...You're all going to have this problem in your very near future.

Who do you stalk when there is nobody ahead of you?

I don't think this was ever addressed and I didn't realize until this morning that I have nobody to stalk. What is a girl to do???

For the past eight months I've allotted quality blog-stalking time during my morning bagel/coffee, sometimes over lunch and then if lucky, again during the 4pm sugar rush deli run. By habit, I logged onto the FBI list (the unofficial wait list) this morning only to realize...hmmmm. It was like little crickets chirping in my head.

I also realized that there may be more eyes on our blog at this point, as others have taken over my role of clicking refresh throughout the day to see if our referral has come in and therefore bumping their position up one more notch. With that in mind, I will make a wholehearted effort to post more regularly. I know it's much more exciting to see a new post when logging in, even if it's not the one that reads "The Call".

In the meantime, I will be searching for another angle to fixate on while we wait.

Numero Uno

2010-03-13T06:49:00.009-05:00

Giddy is an understatement.

The Gittens' home has turned to absolute mush, with neither of us able to complete an intelligent sentence or thought. Considering our current state of la-la'ness, we are doomed once 'the call' comes. I'm hoping no major decisions need to be made from now until Niko comes home, because we have such tunnel vision right now it's pathetic. If it doesn't relate directly to him, it's not on our radar and doesn't really matter. I think 'mama bear' and 'papa bear' instincts are kicking in...uh oh.

I was on my laptop last night when I got home and a message popped up from Emily that read, "Coco & Kota got their referral! You're number 1!!!" The natural reaction to that is, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" which brings Kai running into the living room asking "Are we #1?" How did he know that? We haven't discussed moving up the list at all. When you consider the recent lull in referrals and court dates, combined with last week's changes, we anticipated a much longer wait. It's true that nothing is predictable in international adoption.

We're sending a big congratulations to Coco & Kota on their referral!!! Check out the link above to read their referral story. Reading families' posts about how they received "the call" are my favorite. I still wonder how you can digest all the details your caseworker is telling you over the phone while simultaneously receiving images of your child for the first time.

So what else happens when you reach the #1 spot? You fall asleep a bit too excited and wake up the same, at 5am on a Saturday. (we'll see how excited I am later this evening at our dinner when I'm trying to prop open my eyelids) Anyway, I jumped online to start checking flight options and had an epiphony. When it dawned on me that we're traveling alone on the first trip, I realized our options have grown significantly.

We can take advantage of the many, many budget airlines that operate outside of the U.S. and work our itinerary around those routes, making our way to Addis. It's not for everyone but if you're willing to sacrifice a little convenience and comfort, it's a great way to see a new city/country and potentially save hundreds of dollars. (ex: in the past I got a flight from London to Krakow for $27USD and another time Madrid to Morocco for $32USD) We certainly won't be doing this on our final trip when we bring our son home, but at a quick glance I've already seen significant savings that make it worth it for our first trip for court.

I'll post more on that later for anyone who may be interested.

Okay, I'm off to start my day in LaLa land....yay!

Shame & Joy

2010-03-11T08:52:00.023-05:00

yesterday marked eight months waiting...yay! yay! yay!

From the words of another blogger, F You CWA.
...and all you other lowlife agencies "allegedly" preying on families and children in the form of corrupt adoption. Your greedy actions have the potential for serious repercussions for thousands of innocent children.

Corruption is in every industry and comes in many forms. And if you're good at it, you'll always treat a few right who will sing your praises. It's quite unfortunate, to say the least, when you hear corruption allegations being made that involve children, and in a third world country to boot. Turn any corner and there is true need. To take advantage of this is simply shameful. (previous reference)

For family & friends not in the know, it is strongly suggested that because of the ongoing allegations mentioned above, new policies were required. Two were implemented this week.

Early in the week, the US State Department announced that visa processing for children adopted from Ethiopia will take on new requirements, which may cause a slight delay in the process. (Okay, not psyched about the delay but this was inevitable and we applaud the thorough steps being taken.)

The second notice came yesterday. Effective immediately, federal courts in Ethiopia require families to travel twice; once for court date to meet your child prior to adoption, allowing the judge to make any necessary inquiries and the second trip to pick up your child once you have passed court and their visa has been processed.

I don't care how many hoops we have to jump through to bring our baby home. We welcome a more transparent environment; one that leaves little wiggle room for corruption. My silly question is, Where are the hoops for these corrupt agencies? Isn't it safer for all, if their plug is pulled before they have the chance to pull ours?

The latest CBS interview is below.

This isn't all doom & gloom. The JOY...we are going to meet our son SO much sooner than we planned! Yes, there will be floods of tears boarding that plane home as he stays behind, but we will not focus on that part yet. We've scoured the web for families' blogs who reference traveling twice during their adoption. You see, each country has their own set of laws and each agency, their own rules. And all must abide by Ethiopia's set of laws. Suffice it to say, there is a plethora of variations to this calculation.

So, we found amazing stories from families in other countries, with other agencies and from those who simply opted on their own to travel twice. All were wonderful stories that have me so looking forward to spending time in our son's country, exploring on our own and most importantly meeting our son in the very near future. The one thing all families noted was the structural difference in the two trips with the pre-court trip being the more flexible, exploratory with much opportunity to engage in the local community. The latter is more structured with much time being in the guesthouse as you bond with (and spoil and dote on) your child/ren.

My stomach swirls with excitement as I realize, we don't need to send a care package with another family immediately because WE WILL BE DELIVERING IT OURSELVES! Awesome! We'll probably still try to send something though :)

In closing, it's very important to note the values, humanitarian efforts and core that drive the ethical agencies currently in-country. Their advancements have improved the lives of so many in need and continue to do so. It brings such calm and peace of mind knowing we are with one of the most reputable agencies. We applaud them for being everything they said they were from day one and for this week in particular - reaching out at all the right times.

drumroll.....WE ARE #2!!!

2010-02-28T20:38:00.002-05:00

These are the fortune cookies we received last night after finding out we're #2. Crazy right? (Kai's is the first one.) Check out the crappy ones below that we got last month. I never take pix of fortunes, but these were just over the top for their a) timing and b) "what?!?" factor.

So, there was movement!!!! YES! Congratulations to the Schmidts on their referral for a little boy. I've already warned http://cocoandkota.blogspot.com/ that I'll be stalking them throughout the day until they get 'the call', as they now sit in the #1 spot. Don't you love this community?

I'm still a bit scattered since getting the news last night. I can only imagine where my head will be when our referral comes. This whole experience has been so powerful and eye-opening, yet we haven't even reached the best part yet!!!
Since reaching the WaitList stage, it seemed that not until we hit the top 10 would things begin to sink in. And they did.
Then it was...'We'll start getting all ducks in their necessary rows when we reach #5'. With a rational plan and sound mind, that also panned out.
Well, as of last night nothing makes sense anymore. AND I LOVE IT!

Are these the worst fortunes EVER? Ironically, they were right before the lull. They were so bad and made us both laugh uncontrollably that I had to take a picture. (sorry about the shoddy exposure - from my Blackberry)

Kai's: "The most important relationship in your life is with yourself"

Mine: "You love Chinese food"

Lastly, a HUGE thank you to everyone who posted and played along in the ballad-bonanza! That was a much needed distraction from the lull that had been staring us down over the past weeks. I laughed so hard at each post/comment - thanks for sharing!
btw...if you posted, email me your address at tamara at newyorkdesigner.com. I'm working on digging up enough baby tees for each of you.

Yay for the Schmidt's referral and this family's court date...keep it coming!

The Power Ballad and You

2010-02-25T19:24:00.007-05:00

This is definitely stretching it a bit, but I'm sick of the big loom lingering over all of us with the recent lull. There's nothing we can do about it so let's have a little fun.

What 80s power ballad fits your current state of mind? They're all about angst, waiting and fighting the odds - if it's true that misery loves company, the lyrics to these ballads may actually cheer us up! If you feel like joining in, post a few lyrics to your ballad.

No, this doesn't mean I'm content with the lull. I'm just ready for a non-thinking distraction that will hopefully generate some good replies that we can all laugh at with each other. Okay ladies, bring on your best 80s big-hair ballad...

P.S. If you're playing and didn't grow up in the 80s, please note that 'girl' in any ballad is equivalent to what we are all missing and looming over.

P.P.S. Whoever has the best ballad at the end (determined by other readers) will get a little tee for your kiddie with your band's logo on it. (I make them and have a closet full that need to be cleared out before our kiddie arrives)

Ours would be GnR's Patience...

(1..2...1,2,3,4)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience (inhale)
Patience...Ooh, oh, yeah

Hey, Ho...Lets Go!

2010-02-20T00:15:00.004-05:00

Gotta love The Ramones.
Okay, The Crazies are knocking and I think I have not only opened the door, but I have welcomed them in with open arms. What is going on? Why is there such a lull? Hellloooooo? I am going absolutely crazy.

It's easy to get wrapped up in your own world, forgetting that people from so many different stages of adoption (and some who are not adopting) are reading your little blog and may not understand the expected pace for each stage of the process. Well, to everyone reading this...we just went a little crazy because we hit a ginormous slow patch...but are slowly regaining a sound mind.

There has been such a silent, chirp-chirp-cricket standstill over the past month. Today marks one month and one day with ZERO referrals on the unofficial wait list. It's brutal. It's frustrating. It can make you paranoid. It makes you anxious, hopeful, sad, mad, and everything in between. And you know what you can do about it? Nada.

So that's when I decided to call our caseworker, aka our saviour, during the "quiet time". She is so positive yet realistic and transparent. We love her and thank her for making The Crazies leave. This is why you research your agency inside and out before committing to them. We are relying on them for the biggest decision our family has ever made or will make. The future of our family is in their hands. They are our voice in a world we don't know. And they are speaking volumes on our behalf, to bring our family together.

I must admit that I'm not someone who is easily won over. We're still in midstream here, but to date I have zero complaints and full respect for everyone at our agency who is working on our behalf. I have hope that things are going to start moving again and am wishing all waiting families a quick and peaceful wait for their referrals, court dates and travel dates.

Let's GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Design Selected as the OTO Necklace!!!

2010-02-13T18:19:00.011-05:00

first I would like to say...Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

To everyone still waiting...enjoy this one with your sweeties because next year we're all going to either have a babysitter or a little one sitting at our romantic dinner with us! I can't wait :)

(oversized silver charm clasp with gold key, silver lock and black glass beads; final design will replace the "E" with an "OTO" charm; )

I am beyond humbled right now.

Over the past months I've been working with the humanitarian aide division of Gladney (our agency) on various design ideas for one of their new missions, On Their Own.

On Their Own assists in giving young girls living in a Gladney orphanage the opportunity to acquire skills and interests that will assist them in real life once they 'age out' of the system. There are few opportunities for these young women when they reach the very eye-opening reality that they can no longer live under the care of Gladney in the orphanage they know as home. Sad is an understatement. Prostitution is a common transition for the girls, while drug dealing is the boys' alternative to making a living. (Gladney has another program for the older boys which is also under way, with much success to date.)

I am so honored to be a part of this project. I found out today that my design has been selected as the item the girls will be making. In a nutshell, they'll receive all the supplies with my video of how to produce the pieces and personal assistance from a newly placed Gladney intern who is heading to Ethiopia in April. Once produced, necklaces will be marketed to the public with proceeds assisting in creating life skills for these young women.

I've seen and received emails, pictures and videos from these girls. It breaks my heart to see so many beautiful, strong and competant young women with such a positive outlook while knowing what the future holds for them once they celebrate a few more birthdays.

International adoption has changed my life forever.

OTO Mission Statement
To provide meaningful, marketable job and life-skills training
for orphaned and foster care teens in the U.S., Africa, Asia,
Eastern Europe and Latin America in preparation for life
ON THEIR OWN as self-sufficient, safe young adults

...and by the way...I need your help!

If you were to consider buying this necklace, would red beads be more appealing than black? We're starting with only one color. I think the crowd here has pretty good taste and I would love to hear your feedback.

Supplies are being purchased at the end of this week, so if you can let me know by then it would be greatly appreciated.

7 Months on Wait List

2010-02-09T22:08:00.006-05:00

I've been bursting to post this. The reason? This *could* be our last month waiting.

Last month at this time, average wait time for a referral was 7.2 months. It's now 8 months, but we are ever the optimist and just pleased to be in the zone. We acknowledge the naive-happy-la-la-rose-colored-glasses outlook we have right now and are just going with it...full force!

In October we went from #12 to something like #6 within a matter of moments. So why not again, especially when you consider the current lull? And we DO mean lull! It has to pick up at some point.

This also justifies our hourly check-ins with The Schmidts and CocoandKota. See, stalking others' blogs does a lot for the overactive mind.

a) confirmation...that others are also experiencing a lull

b) celebration...squeals and heart-stopping moments when you see the words "The Call" as various families receive their referrals and blog about it

c) enlightening...We're all writing the same story on our blogs. It's enlightening to read how we all express it in so many different ways.

Now, I'm off to make a big pot of hot tea and hunker down as the blizzard closes in. (it's currently 70 degrees in Addis)

Dad

2010-02-07T16:08:00.005-05:00

One of Kai's Valentine's Day gifts arrived early.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I normally distribute my gifts early. I get too excited in the hub-bub and build up to whatever the big day is that we're all awaiting. I've always been like that and most likely will not change at this point.

Niko's first Christmas is going to be interesting. It may be the first time a child tells a parent, "It's 4am, please go back to bed mommy".

So, I found this amazing collection of Amharic tees, coffee mugs, aprons, etc. When I saw the "DAD" tee, I sqealed and whipped out my credit card. Sold. (I know Kai doesn't look very excited in the picture, but he really is).

We girls blog, shop, read and talk about being a mom from day one. We've referred to each other with the ultimate title of "mom" or "mommy" at some point already. Our mothers, sisters and friends have had heart to hearts about what motherhold holds. I wouldn't imagine the average dad-in-waiting encounters the amount of warm & fuzzy "oh boy, we can call you daddy soon" moments as us.

I kind of saw this when Kai opened his present and asked "What does this say?" When I simply said "Dad", I saw the coolest look on Kai's face.

A Vintage Post

2010-02-04T19:58:00.007-05:00

Last year at this time, a picture of me under a sea 'o paperwork appeared on our blog.

There have been such little spurts of action, that when we now hit a realistic lull during our wait it just feels like things are dragging. The slow period the call it.

Well, when I look back at some of our first posts I realize how quickly (did I say quickly?) we've reached our current position and the strides made along the way. We've been at this for over a year and I honestly couldn't see it happening any faster for our family.

I'm giving a little shout-out here to our agency, Gladney, for being so __________ (insert all synonyms of absolutely incredible here). Words don't describe how helpful, professional, genuine, proactive and on & on they have been to this point.

We're nowhere near done with our process, having the biggest waits yet to come. However, reaching the unofficial #3 spot is a good time for reflection on the current state of the union. All is good.

And I didn't even mention the amazing ladies I've through this process. Many who will now be lifelong friends. The important stuff in life doesn't happen overnight.

Now, come on court dates & referrals!!!

Happy Friday to all :)

Passing the Time

2010-02-04T17:48:00.005-05:00

I just received a fabulous award from an oh-so-fabulous woman.

Upon accepting, it entails answering the below questions with one word answers and passing along. I never realized, but I am a one-word-only challenged lady.

1. Where is your cell phone? Ottoman

2. Your hair? Red

3. Your mother? Strong

4. Your father? Charming

5. Your favorite food? Sushi

6. Your dream last night? Travel

7. Your favorite drink? Malbec

8. Your dream / goal? Motherhood

9. What room are you in? Living

10. Your hobby? Sewing

11. Your fear? Tornado

12. Where do you want to be in six years? Happy

13. Where were you last night? Working

14. Something that you aren't? Pessimist

15. Muffins? Carrot

16. Wish list item? Referral!

17. Where did you grow up? Pennsylvania

18. Last thing you did? Design

19. What are you wearing? Slippers

20. Your TV? BBC

21. Your pets? None

22. Friends? Love!

23. Your life? Rocks

24. Your mood? Goofy

25. Missing someone? Niko

26. Vehicle? Taaaaaxi!

27. Something your not wearing? Make-up

28. Your favorite store? Zappos

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. What was the last time you laughed? Lunch

31. Last time you cried? Hmmmmm…

32. Your best friend? Kai

33. One place that I could go over and over? Spain

34. One person who emails you regularly? Sis

35. Favorite place to eat? Los Gatos

I'm passing this along to the four newest families making the leap over to the Wait List tab on the FBI list.

Welcome Gladney Girls!

Happy Birthday Gram!

2010-02-03T19:32:00.006-05:00

I love you!

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend.-- Author Unknown

Grandmas don't just say "that's nice" -- they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money's worth out of grandmas.-- Author:unknown

There's no place like home except Grandma's. ~Author Unknown

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash

Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities so that we can be friends. ~Allan Frome

If nothing is going well, call your grandmother. ~Italian Proverb

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.-- Ellen DeGeneres

Ups & Eccchs

2010-02-02T20:16:00.010-05:00

I'm making a conscious effort right now to be a more timely-blogger. Through the rest of our journey, I will make every attempt to not let it slip in excess of a week, like now. It takes a lot of mind-energy to get back in the flow. I feel like I need to list a diary of events in order to catch up for the past week and that's no fun for anyone, especially the reader!

So, to recap I'll simply highlight the ups & not-so-ups; some adoption-related and some not.

Ech: The waitlist crew have all set their sights on a 7.2 month average wait time. That was the trend with our agency at the time of our last conference call prior to the holidays. Well, the new conference call happened this week and we're all back up to an 8 month average wait. Boo.

Up: Our artist, Phoenix, won a Grammy!!!! Yay. Yay. Yay. If you're not familiar with them, I'm sure you've heard them in one of the gazillion Cadillac commercials currently running.

Up: Sticking with the musical theme, Cyndi Lauper was in the office today. I LOOOOVE Ms. Lauper. Who doesn't? Seeing someone like her just makes me smile and makes life seem fun and light. Nice aura to have!

Ech: Not to harp on this conference call business, but...something was mentioned that I wasn't aware of nor have I read about this before (and I have done a TON of research).

Children are available for adoption because they are either a) relinquished - parent(s)/living family member(s) willingly give their child(ren) to the orphanage or b) they are abandoned (self-explanatory). That we knew.

What we didn't know is that abandoned children are named by the police officer who writes up their case when taken into the station. After hearing this a few days ago, it still isn't sitting well with us and has taken us aback. Our intention was to take our son's Ethiopian name as his middle name. The whole purpose was because of its meaning and to keep part of our child's past with him forever. Knowing what we know now, I'm not sure we want that. I'm not sure he would. I don't know. We don't know. My middle name is after my maternal grandmother and it's comforting to know that. I wouldn't want that name if I knew a police officer, aka stranger, selected it. Has anyone else faced this and hesitated? not hesitated at all? Should our son be referred to us as an abandoned case, we may be considering a different Ethiopian name.

I would love to hear others' thoughts/experience on this topic. I already want to protect this little guy whom I've never met and do what's right on his behalf. Hmmmm...

And to end on an Up...our nephew thoroughly enjoying his day at Chelsea Piers. The genuine happiness that bouncing brings to a four year old's world! I'm seriously jealous.

The Stroller

2010-01-24T17:43:00.014-05:00

The best stroller for NYC?
It has taken us two months of hardcore research to answer this question with an educated guess. The answer for our family is the City Mini.

This predicament doesn't apply to the rest of the country, nor should it be expected to make sense to anyone outside of NYC that your stroller purchase is one of the toughest decisions on your list. As ridiculous as it sounds, it is downright serious.

You see, we don't have a car nor do we want one. That means no throwing the stroller in the trunk. It's with us at all times - up the subway stairs, standing on the train when there are no available seats, collapsing stroller at a moment's notice to hop on the bus & throw it on the floor before the driver pounds on the gas as you maneuver to find a seat with baby flung under your arm - just a few of the daily situations. p.s. - he's NOT going to wait for you to find the 'release' button and tuck it all in neatly. It's pack & go or risk flying down the aisle with arms & gear a flappin'. I've seen it happen!

Now for the weekend...a trip to the museum with lunch and stop by the boutique for some shopping on the way home. All of this is done with no car, no carseat for sleeping, no trunk for storing stuff. And did I mention it's February and there is 2" of snow on the ground? Yes, all of this must be transported, stored, kept warm and travel safely in a stroller. There is no heat, no winter tread, no wipers, no trunk.

The majority of strollers are pulled from the trunk, used in the shop/mall and then put back in the trunk. Our 'trunk' is my back & Kai's back while out and about.

For the past two months, we've researched what seems like every stroller on the market in order to create a short list. Well, our short list still ended up having 20 models on it. So off we went today to test drive each one of them with our excel spreadsheet in hand; noting various pros & cons based on our personal needs and preferences. It's not showing up that well, but if anyone wants it for their own research, I can forward it.

I would like to send a huge thanks to Kai's family! They know NY well and understand our concern for finding the perfect stroller. Because of their generosity, all models were a potential option for us, from the most economical to those that may appear to be pure status symbols and may have otherwise been overlooked. I can honestly say strollers in all categories were considered and the City Mini met each need except two...

1. adjustable handles: okay b/c the fixed height works if you're tall like us
2. air tires: the City Elite (one model up) has air tires but was too heavy for us

The City Mini is one of the lower priced models in the "lightweight-plus" category. The Bugaboo was a strong contender for its quality and smooth steering until after multiple failed attempts at locking the front tires in place in order to move onto the "quick fold" I had red, worn fingers, no more patience and was wondering "where is my baby while I'm doing this with both hands"? For $600-700 they need to fix the plastic lock-grips!!! Are you kidding me??? It was a deal breaker.

I'm not bashing on the Bugaboo. It did make it to the #2 spot. The final push for the City Mini was seeing six of them in use by NYC moms today. One CM-mother even jumped in when she heard us speaking to our rep. When she overheard our conversation with our rep with our criteria, she tapped me on the shoulder and began raving about her City Mini. Our rep then told us it's the number one seller in his store for NYC moms because of its weight, fold and functions. SOLD.

My apologies for the lengthy stroller post, but I must say, I was eager to read personal details when doing our research. Our info may not apply to 90% of those reading this, but for the 10% it makes sense to...I would love to hear your stroller choices and feedback.

Things are Picking Up

2010-01-23T16:53:00.006-05:00

Three referrals! Yes, while I was typing away and snivelling about nothing happening, turns out things were moving quite rapidly behind the scenes.

Congratulations to this family, this one and also this one (the Bottomlys haven't blogged it, but mentioned on Facebook).

We've been #3 since Dec 13th and because all above mentioned referrals were for girls, we remain at #3. And with the wonderful news coming through for these families comes hope for those of us still waiting. Here's to the movement picking up Monday morning exactly where it left off on Friday! hmmmm...that's the sweet side of it, as it's seen through my ever-fabulous rose colored glasses.

The bitter side of this scenario, aka the very real side, brings me off my blissful cloud of LaLa'ness to acknowledge the difficult decisions, trials and perils facing our son's Ethiopian family right now. I hope one day we're able to know the circumstances. There are many reasons why children are available for adoption; none of them being a pleasant story. I really don't know what I hope for. I just know there are a lot of hurting parties right now a world away, including our little guy and I hope there is enough information for all involved that may somehow soothe the pain just a little bit.

It's easier, and certainly more fun, to focus on the big countdown in getting to the #1 position for a referral. However, it's reality that the closer we get - the more someone else very far away is hurting. That can never be ignored. Bitter.Sweet.

I'm feeling mushy right now and so happy to have this great blog community. I can log off this downer of a post I just wrote and jump over to someone else's blog who is in a completely different place and hopefully get a big LOL pick-me-up. Which is exactly what I'm doing...

Where are the referrals? Hello...anyone out there?

2010-01-20T19:47:00.009-05:00

The last referral (and a big one at that) was on January 4th.

So that means, I have relentlessly been clicking through to the blogs of the two families ahead of us on the waitlist. I am fervently obsessed. It would be easier if I could just ask Gladney to shoot me an email once they contact these families with the news of their children. Or, maybe they could just patch me into the call? I suspect that may raise a "we think she's a lunatic red-flag". We don't want any special notes in our file so we'll keep these thoughts to ourselves (and our blog-friends/family). And to top it all off, the very gracious woman who maintains the unofficial waitlist is on vacation this week! Oh my. That means we are completely dependent on blog updates.

Maybe it's normal once you know you're closing in on the final days/weeks for The Call, but for some reason it's as if all the calm we've experienced since last February has now turned into a big ball of wild restlessness within a matter of days.

I'm sure the holidays were a big factor. When we started this process in 2/09, we booked the Barcelona trip for Thanksgiving - knowing that would be mid-point and break up the wait. GREAT decision. It was a big part of our focus for the month leading up to it, which lead straight into Christmas with loads of family, the New Year holiday and then MLK weekend. That's the weekend we celebrate Christmas with my father in western PA and my grandmother who now lives near him in a nursing home. She and my grandfather were the ones who always hosted the BIG Christmases each year. They're the best Christmas memories ever.

As life changes, so do family and traditions. Our tradition now is for my brother, sister, their spouses and children to all get together for a jam-packed weekend of sled-riding, eating, laughing, football, Golden Globes and lots of catch up with our dad and grandmother. She's an amazing woman and one who has had a significant influence on my life. She and my grandfather are beyond words. BIG XOXO

And now that the holidays are over? Nada. It's all waiting for The Call....tick...tick...tick...tick...tick

Kai got a great shot of us at lunch: from the back...sister (Amanda), G-ma, nephew (Braden), me

nephew (Jack) asking the ladies "Who has a watch?"

Haiti is in need...UPDATE as of 1/19

2010-01-14T19:30:00.011-05:00

Please help where you can.

I'm not here to push anything, but I will give a little nudge. If you've already donated, great! If not, please consider Wyclef Jean's Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund. He is pledging 100% of all donations go to relief operations.

Many of you know I work for RED/Sony. Wyclef is one of our artists and is very hands on with his organization. He left immediately and is currently on the ground assisting in recovery efforts. To my knowledge he does not have a return ticket, as he plans to stay as long as he is needed.

The news stories surrounding this tragedy are eye opening. Hearing them first hand from a friend and co-worker is absolutely heart breaking. My friend and his wife are waiting every day for updates on the many missing family members still living in Haiti. A few have been recovered, yet too late. A little bit of happiness came in today when we learned his grandmother had been found alive. This 82 year old woman has been trapped in a tunnel underground for two days with no food or water, but she's alive and that's the point.

The economy stinks, unemployment is sky-high, cable customers are losing their HGTV, blah, blah, blah...we are alive and living in a developed country.

Hug your families and if you can, consider giving $5 to assist someone much worse off than you ever will be.

*steps down from her soapbox now*

Text “Yele” to 501501 to automatically donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund

UPDATE:

Wyclef has recently come under fire regarding the alleged mismanagement of funds within his Yele non-profit organization, with critics stating the group does not have the experience to handle the excessive amount of funding received in such a short period.

Wyclef will be speaking with Oprah tomorrow. Topics include eyewitness accounts from his recent time in Haiti and addressing the recent allegations facing Yele.

6 Months on Wait List...

2010-01-09T18:18:00.009-05:00

Six is a unitary perfect number, a harmonic divisor number and a highly composite number. Six is the only number that is both the sum and the product of three consecutive positive numbers. Six is also the number of strings on a standard guitar.

Did you think I completely lost it? Nope, just a quick visit to Wiki while searching for a "6" image that has a connection. LOVE Eve6. They were with RCA when I was there - awesome guys!

Six months on the waitlist tomorrow. We're off to our nephew's baptism bright and early tomorrow morning and will not be able to post, so I wanted to get a jump on it tonight.

I want to first send a big fat warm & fuzzy congratulations to Mr. Kai. Last night was four years to the day that he had his final cigarette. Not an easy task, yet he did it and stuck to it. LOVE YOU :) That day also happens to be my mother's birthday. Yes, she shares it with Elvis. Happy Bday mama :)

All in all, the past six months (12 in all when you count the first six doing paperwork) have been a great ride thus far. A few spurts of anxiety, which is my current state as we speak, but that will soon pass to bring back the state of mind of "simply waiting". That's the stage...simply waiting. It doesn't matter what you do, you're waiting. But it's not a wait compared to that of being in a really long line at a shop or waiting for your delayed flight in a storm or waiting for your neighbor to stop dj'ing while you're finishing a project or, or, or, or...you get it. None of that matters anymore. Who cares? This is the monster of all waits and it is upon us with fury.

It's the wait that includes months & months of climbing to reach a peak with such excitement to simply be rewarded by being put at the bottom of the next peak and start again. It's quite ridiculous really. Isn't the definition of insanity when one does the same thing over and over again and expects different results?

However, it's a process I fully embrace because at the end of this is our family. The one little member who will make it complete is there . Nothing is more exciting than that!

We're in such a funny place because according to the trend, a call is in our near future. So is Niko in Gladney's care now? Is he being evaluated by doctors for his medical paperwork and by caseworkers for his birth history portion of the paperwork? Have other families who are in country picking up their children already been fortunate enough to see him, maybe even snagged a photo? See...this is where I get antsy because we're waiting on so much more than a phone call when you open your eyes and try to imagine what's happening PRIOR to your phone call. What happens prior to our call, is happening NOW.

The part that comforts me is knowing that as long as he is in Gladney's care, he is in good hands. And if he's not in their care yet, he will be fully taken care of as soon as he is, which is hopefully NOT a long wait. I can wait. Kai can wait. I don't want Niko to wait.

Lastly, I want to wish one of our very special waitlist buddies safe and exciting travels tomorrow. They are off to Addis to pick up their little girl!!!! Can you imagine? I don't know how they're sleeping tonight. She's one of the first few in our little wait-group to reach this stage. Just think, when we all go to work on Monday, this woman will be meeting her beautiful Beatrix for the first time. Yes, worth the wait.

Melkam Gena!!!! (Merry Christmas)

2010-01-07T17:36:00.010-05:00

Today, January 7, is Christmas in Ethiopia.

The Ethiopian calendar has thirteen months; 12 months with 30 days and one month with five days (six in a leap year).

We've had many questions from family and friends regarding holiday practices in Ethiopia. I planned to do a post addressing Ethiopian Christmas, the calendar year and New Year's Day but when I checked my email today, I realized I can take the lazy road on this by simply pasting an article we received from our caseworker.

Trust me, this covers everything and is the preferred explanation. I hope to have our blog printed into a book for Niko one day (you can Google "turn my blog into a book" and it's easy peazy. This isn't for mass production, just a reference for your child(ren) and family.) Okay, before I get off topic...so there are certain things (like Ethiopian Christmas) that will be by the book without any commentary from me. I hope to pass on as many accurate details when it comes to this, so no fancy fluffy fillings from me. A simple copy & paste with the facts...

Christmas Traditions in Ethiopia

Ethiopia is one of the oldest nations in Africa. It still follows the ancient Julian calendar, so Ethiopians celebrate Christmas on January 7. The Ethiopian Orthodox Church's celebration of Christ's birth is called Ganna. It is a day when families attend church.

The day before Ganna, people fast all day. The next morning at dawn, everyone dresses in white. Most Ethiopians don a traditional shamma, a thin, white cotton wrap with brightly colored stripes across the ends. The shamma is worn somewhat like a toga. Urban Ethiopians might put on white Western garb. Then everyone goes to the early mass at four o'clock in the morning. In a celebration that takes place several days later, the priests will dress in turbans and red and white robes as they carry beautifully embroidered fringed umbrellas.

Most Ethiopians who live outside the modern capital city, Addis Ababa, live in round mud-plastered houses with cone-shaped roofs of thatched straw. In areas where stone is plentiful, the houses may be rectangular stone houses. The churches in Ethiopia echo the shape of the houses. In many parts of the country there are ancient churches carved out of solid volcanic rock. Modern churches are built in three concentric circles.

In a modern church, the choir assembles in the outer circle. Each person entering the church is given a candle. The congregation walks around the church three times in a solemn procession, holding the flickering candles. Then they gather in the second circle to stand throughout the long mass, with the men and boys separated from the women and girls. The center circle is the holiest space in the church, where the priest serves Holy Communion.

Around the time of Ganna, the men and boys play a game that is also called ganna. It is somewhat like hockey, played with a curved stick and a round wooden ball.

The foods enjoyed during the Christmas season include wat, a thick, spicy stew of meat, vegetables, and sometimes eggs as well. The wat is served from a beautifully decorated watertight basket onto a "plate" of injera, which is flat sourdough bread. Pieces of injera are used as an edible spoon to scoop up the wat.

Twelve days after Ganna, on January 19, Ethiopians begin the three-day celebration called Timkat, which commemorates the baptism of Christ. The children walk to church services in a procession. They wear the crowns and robes of the church youth groups they belong to. The grown-ups wear the shamma. The priests will now wear their red and white robes and carry embroidered fringed umbrellas.

The music of Ethiopian instruments makes the Timkat procession a very festive event. The sistrum is a percussion instrument with tinkling metal disks. A long, T-shaped prayer stick called a makamiya taps out the walking beat and also serves as a support for the priest during the long church service that follows. Church officials called dabtaras study hard to learn the musical chants, melekets, for the ceremony.

Ethiopian men play another sport called yeferas guks. They ride on horseback and throw ceremonial lances at each other.

Ganna and Timkat are not occasions for giving gifts in Ethiopia. If a child receives any gift at all, it is usually a small gift of clothing. Religious observances, feasting, and games are the focus of the season.

Heidi Got "The Call"

2010-01-06T20:20:00.011-05:00

pa⋅tience - /pey-shuhns/:

an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

This is huge. Imagine Breaking News interupting your fave show and then another even bigger Breaking News interupts the first one. Yup.

These folks have been on The Waitlist for 1 Year, 3 Weeks and 4 Days. That doesn't include anything prior to Waitlist such as fingerprinting, applications, homestudy, medicals and so on which can take an average of six months before even reaching the Waitlist stage.

Heidi and Mark requested siblings. There is no reference point for the wait time for siblings, as there is for example the very commonly requested infant 0-12 months - which is now at an estimated 7.5 months. It's not that anything went wrong. The wait is just completely unpredictable for siblings because of everything involved.

Everyone in the Gladney and Ethiopian adoption world knows them. Families they friended from the beginning stages continued to move forward, receive referrals, pass court, travel and bring their children home. Meanwhile, Heidi & Mark waited. and waited. and waited some more.

The flipside for all of us coming through the channels as poor Heidi sat there? We all reaped the benefits of Heidi's wait, as she welcomed each of us with a huge heart and open arms. She's offered all of us so much comfort, advice and warm words of support as we've all faced our own hurdles and have come to know her family's story.

It's now our time to give back some of that support and you can already see the love pouring in. They currently have 69 comments to their blog post announcing their referral. (an average blogger receives 0-10'ish comments)

Heidi is a force and I don't say this lightly. It takes a very special person to remain as focused, as positive and as supportive as she did during her wait.

The best part? Heidi was my first blog friend.
What more could a girl ask for? You couldn't have a more suited mentor for such a rollercoaster journey as international adoption.

The outcome of The Call? They are soon to be the proud parents of TWIN boys - 28 months old!!!!! I can't wait and am so excited to meet them!

read the details here

It's a GREAT referral story and what happens when you get The Call when least expecting it.

On behalf of all your Gladney Girls, we heart YOU Heidi!

It's a Bittersweet Day

2010-01-04T20:42:00.006-05:00

This morning began with an unexpected semi-urgent conference call at work. Seconds into the call my Blackberry, which was sitting on my desk, began ringing from various sources who would normally not call me at work. After each call, the red message light blinks. My stomach flips - as I'm fully aware of the messages on the other end, yet don't want to face it. I hung up from my conference call, went to the bathroom, shed a tear(s) and came back to check my messages. I was correct. I applaud Angie's strength. She will be missed beyond words.

A family friend lost her battle with breast cancer today. She was far too young; three years younger in fact than the majority of doctors and insurance companies begin scanning women. Her children are too young to face this, as is her husband. Our hearts break for them and their extended family and friends.

Ladies, don't wait until you're 40 for a mammogram. My little self alone personally knows of a handful of women who are/were under 40 and faced the evil creature of breast cancer. One friend currently fighting for her life went from stage one to four in a matter of months! She has a two year old daughter and is under 40. Her goal right now is to document anything possible to leave with her daughter, in fear of the toddler not remembering her later. Her strength is commendable, as was Angie's.

The (very) sweet part in this bittersweet day? This amazing woman and her husband passed court today. She is a MOM!!!!! This was their second attempt at passing court and they had all the Gladney Girls holding their breath this morning & afternoon - all awaiting the final decision. The tears began flowing when I read that her status on Facebook was simply "a mom". Huge congratulations being sent their way!
You guys are going to be the most awesome of parents. I'm so happy we've met! - xo

2009 and such...

2010-01-02T18:45:00.013-05:00

flowers from Nana-Banana (the perfect centerpiece)

Our holidays were an absolute whirlwind, leading to the demise of blog updates. There is so much to report that it's a bit overwhelming. A quick fix? Create a list and add pictures!

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? I've selected one highlight from our holiday (the twin nephews' NYC extravaganza) and have sprinkled a few of those images throughout the list.

Did you know you can buy a $27,000.00 Lego'd Batman? Yup.

ice skating, Jack/Theo, The Squeakquel

lighting a candle for Niko @ St Patrick's, NYE, Dylan's Candy Bar

2009 Events (in no particular order)

10. New words of 2009 according to New Oxford American Dictionary: unfriend and tweet

9. Michael Jackson dies

8. Our nephew, Theodore, is born

7. The Nook, The Kindle and The Sony Reader arrive

6. Thanksgiving in Barcelona with family

5. Tavern on the Green closes

4. America inaugurates its first African-American president

3. Sister gets married

2. Meeting the most amazing women (now lifelong friends) through the world of adoption blogs

1. We are put on the wait list for our son, Niko

Wishing all the best to our family and friends for the new year. A special thought is being sent to our new blog-world families. Sending positive vibes to you all for a peaceful and speedy wait in bringing your families together in 2010. We thank you all for the amazing support during our journey thus far and have high hopes of meeting you all in person one day!

NYE, Uncle Scott's BB game, feeding Theo

snowman on Central Ave, self portrait on train, St Pat's

A final note to all...I would like to humbly ask you to say a prayer for a stranger tonight. A close friend of our family has entered a crucial stage in cancer treatment. Thank you.

The Blizzard & The Nursery

2009-12-20T17:23:00.012-05:00

First, the blizzard of '09...

In Kai's hometown, a.k.a. our nation's capital, there was an impromptu community snowball fight. How absolutely amazing is that? A clip from the news...

A snowball fight took over the intersection of 14th and U Streets during a snow storm in Washington, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2009. The event was organized by a Twitter group calling for people to gather and participate and more than 200 people showed up.

A shot from NYC...

And while all of that business was going on, a nursery was being wrapped up. A few things still linger, like the storage cubes/bench which is near completion and next month we'll have the little bookshelf. The twin nephews are arriving on Saturday, armed with loads of artwork for the walls. In a nutshell, we are there.

I used this rocking chair when I was a little girl and repainted it this morning for Niko. Kai had to restrain me from painting a big "N" on the seat with black polka dots. I think that really would have added some P-zazz. However, it's not my chair anymore so I compromised and went with the minimalist look.

The wing chair below is an easy-peezy trick. I've had the hardest time finding a rocker that we liked. They're all a bit cheesy. This is a simple wing-chair from our local market. I found a "rocking chair adaptor" that is sold online and in most big hardware stores that anyone can do. If you're unsure, you can YouTube it and see it done. That being said, this is soon to be a rocker/swivel.

This is the blank wall awaiting the magic touch of the twins' artwork. Current pieces include a few things from Barcelona and a gift from a local NYC painter of The NY Dolls.

The crib. This crib is beyond beautiful. It was a very generous gift from our friend, Lynn. It's perfect (almost).

The "(almost) perfect" part is the fact it doesn't matter what colors, brands, fabrics, toys and so on are in this room. The little person it's furnished for is not here! Once that happens, it will be perfect.

#3 and Pooped

2009-12-13T19:18:00.008-05:00

This will probably be the worst post ever, but stick with me...

We are beyond exhausted that we're purely punchy and silly at this point.

Friday afternoon at work we found out we're unofficially #3. Saturday by 6am we were up and organizing. The ZipCar was in motion by 10am - one stop in the city to pick up nursery supplies; next stop was Long Island for crib, changing table and many, many more supplies. Our thanks to Lynn cannot be put into words. (you are the best!)

Today was spent putting the whole lot together - fun with drilling, jigsawing, hammering and wiring was had by all.

Macaroni & cheese and fresh spinach (our favorite) is cooking right now with Tivo about to be enjoyed, if we stay awake that long.

We have a nursery! Wow.

#4!!!! and....Month 5

2009-12-09T19:31:00.009-05:00

Today was a big day in the Gittens' home. Not too long ago we were #15 on the unofficial wait list, moving at an expected pace straight through #8. It was at #8 we picked up some silly momentum that bustled us straight through to #5 with heads-a-spinning. Well, since then we've been a bit stagnant. Stagnant is an expected yet "ech" state.

Today we are unofficially #4...*cheering*

Also, the other big date which I must mention today because it's doubtful I'll have a minute to blog tomorrow, is that 12/10/09 marks our 5th month on the wait list. There is nothing unofficial about that number. It's fact!

The current average wait time for an infant referral is 7 months, which has steadily decreased. Only 5 months ago when we were put on wait list, the average wait was 9 months. I'm not speculating here, just stating what's going on.

In any event, I think we're in good shape. We're not yet viewing this with a skewed view, thinking it's right around the corner. We are however, picking up the crib this weekend and plowing forward with our room swaps to prepare a proper room for the little guy. It will give us such piece of mind when the room is completed. When baby items start arriving at your house for the baby you know is coming, yet you have no room for said baby, it's just not good!

We'll be 'good' at the end of this weekend.

And the icing on the cake? Our twin nephews (7 yrs old) are making their annual holiday trek up from Atlanta and will be the first to see (and assist with) the new layout. The opinions, questions and statements made of a seven year old are the most honest, intelligent and raw you'll ever get. They're much more insightful than one would think. It's worth listening to.

Flight Planning Tip

2009-12-06T07:04:00.010-05:00

I've scored so many great tips from the blog world that I thought it was about time I offered something in return.

If you're a frequent traveler, you may already be aware of this little tool. I NEVER book a flight without checking with them first. It's http://www.itasoftware.com/ and is a reference for flight costs across the board. It is not a booking tool. The concept is similar to the programs used by travel agents.

1. Choose "Search Fares"

2. Sign in as a guest

3. Plug in your info - as detailed or open as you choose

Voila...you'll see the costs, various airlines, flight numbers, stopovers, dates, times, etc for your cities. You then take that information and book through your preferred outlet or the airline directly. This way, you have the flight numbers and connections that create the lowest priced fare available.

The screenshot below is a search I did using the "month long" search to find the cheapest dates to fly in April. Flying on a Monday in April (vs. a Tuesday) saves close to $1k a pop per person. Crazy.

p.s. Not that anyone is taking JetBlue to Addis, but in case you want to use ITA for domestic travel - JetBlue is not in their system. I think they may be eventually.

Through the Eyes of the Dining Room Table

2009-12-05T06:16:00.009-05:00

Ever wonder what your dining room table would say about you, given the opportunity? It has the inside scoop on your ups & downs and most intimate workings of your family.

Not too long ago, our dining room table looked like this. Ugh....those were the meds for our final round of IVF, with 75% of them being injected. Ouch is the only word coming to mind as I look back on that. For months, our table served as a mini-chem lab as we tried to keep things straight - including our minds!

Fast forward a year+ and it now looks like this...

Thank you Teresa & Matt!!!

And within that year our table was the hub for nephews creating their little Picasso-like masterpieces, card games, dinner with friends/family, gift wrapping station, fabric cutting table and on & on. However, it rarely served as the place Kai and I would congregate for nightly dinner. We still opt for the tray-in-front-of-TV style we've lived with for the past 15 years in our NYC shoebox apartments.

Today the table will move. Dun. Dun. DUN.

We are making room for baby. No so long from now, our multi-purpose table will become a proper dining table. Kai and I will put our TV trays away. A high chair (gasp) will be placed next to our dining chairs and a family will sit down to dinner and talk about their day. (Seinfeld fans?)

Nursery Ideas

2009-12-03T06:25:00.011-05:00

The adoption packet does not come with a timeline of when to start thinking about a nursery. I think we all just follow the other's lead on this one. Cross your fingers that you have a proactive mom-to-be in your newfound sisterhood of the adoptive bloggers! It's not uncommon to receive your referral and have nothing prepared.

It's also something you don't want to rush; seeming over anxious or the horrible feeling of jinxing something. Ours is more of a practical decision at this point. Referrals are flying around like crazy right now. We have family coming in for Christmas. We live in a condo where maximizing the use of space is crucial. So, our plan is to begin the nursery this weekend with a 12/26 eta for completion. "Completion" really means = enough floor space cleared away to throw down an air mattress. (our twin nephews are coming in and want to assist with the final touches)

I'm staying away from a themed nursery and am leaning in the direction of color & pattern. Mixing colors that will stimulate his mind, yet hopefully not keep him awake! Bold patterns to grab his attention will be used in the fabrics. I have an idea of the outcome in my head, but that's never the end result. The little surprises along the way usually work in your favor, changing the final style to one even better than imagined. Here's to hoping that's the case!!!

Our starting point is the black & white bedding and then throwing in some bold patterned fabrics I've picked up along the way. I also saw this great fixture for the ceiling that includes different sized balls in contrasting color and texture. This is perfect for a ceiling focal point for him while in the crib or playing on the floor. I'm definitely looking into recreating this in some way.

In case anyone else needs some inspiration, there are some great bits here...
DesignDazzle and ApartmentTherapy

So many things can be recreated to fit within your own style. Sometimes the hardest bit is the starting point.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving...

2009-12-02T16:16:00.012-05:00

It's been awhile since my last post. So long in fact, that many important dates have passed that would have otherwise been addressed...Thanksgiving, World Aids Day, court dates, referrals and recent updates to name a few.

I'll keep it simple by wishing everyone a belated Thanksgiving and give a little recap of our holiday. I say holiday because we took the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving away as our pre-adoption vacation. You all know the one...the one that has more significance than any trip you've ever taken because the next time you board a plane with your passport, it will be to pick up your child(ren).

At the beginning of our paperwork phase, someone (I forget who, but I thank them from the bottom of my heart) suggested planning a trip that would fall in the middle of the "wait list" period. It would serve as a very attractive alternative point of focus from the ritual of stalking blogs and watching the unofficial wait list creep along. They said a getaway would also do wonders for your thought process for the transition and ups & downs that come with international adoption.

hmmm....okay. Who am I to turn down a trip suggestion, considering the benefits we'll reap afterwards? Done. In February, I booked an apartment in Barcelona for Thanksgiving. We only needed to use 3.5 vacation days, yet 10 days of vacation time were ours! Woohoo!

And the best part? Kai's family are big travelers and joined us the second we mentioned it. There may not have been turkey on our table, but there was plenty of family, fun and paella to go around!

Now, as someone who has made it a ritual to blog-stalk and continually press refresh on the unofficial FBI list a bazillion times daily, this trip was therapeutic on many levels. No computers, no blogging and the obvious distractions to real-life when being on vacation made for a wonderful, refreshing break.

It doesn't matter where you go, but a break is a good thing at this stage in the game.

p.s. My friend, Heidi, had the most wonderful post on World Aids Day. I couldn't say it better. Please check it out here.

Saving Lives with Music...our little album is complete & released this Tues., 11/17

2009-11-15T07:21:00.020-05:00

I still can't believe this is done and is already generating such interest from press and radio prior to release date.

A friend I work with takes the same train home as me. About six months ago, she approached me on the platform as I was reading The Blue Sweater.

It was one of those awkward moments when you tell someone outside of your inner-circle that you're adopting. Mainly because there is no time to slide it in conversation, so whatever time you choose will 9 out of 10 times, knock the listener for a loop.

When someone asks "How'd you find that book?", they don't expect to hear, "You see, we're adopting from Ethiopia and I needed a break from the child psychology books and wanted to learn more about Africa. This book came up in my B&N 'Africa' search."

That was the beginning of a wonderfully productive conversation that led to the creation of this album. We chatted until our train arrived and the entire way home, realizing how strongly we both felt about humanitarian aide. Our ideas were the same and we decided right then to do something.

We didn't know what, but we knew it would be through our job. We love our jobs but what are we doing? Music. It's a sexy job. It's not saving lives. And that's what we wanted it to do.

Rather than using our connections for great seats and backstage access, let's use them in a way that will impact many, many others in a positive light for years to come.

I've always been a fan of Malaria No More (thanks to the boys at FC Barcelona for bringing them on my radar!) and decided to reach out to them with our idea. They loved it, the artists loved it, and now press and radio are supporting it.

We secured exclusive tracks from Third Eye Blind and Peter Bjorn & John, who are all over the project. Stephan Jenkins has been beyond supportive and spreading the word. Other artists include, Juliette Lewis, The Walkmen, Youssou N'Dour and more.

And the best bit...100% of the proceeds go directly to Malaria No More. Neither Sony/RED nor the artists are keeping a dime!

p.s. On a personal note...the album artwork is a painting I did for Niko's nursery. It's a bit altered, but is an image of the journey from Africa to Jersey City/NYC.

To purchase the digital-only album, www.amiestreet.com/MalariaNoMore (available on 11/17)

Press release is below with all the details. Please repost and/or pass along.
Release date is this Tuesday, 11/17.

http://newyorkdesigner.com/IndieRocksMNM_PR_final.pdf

Unofficially #5

2009-11-14T18:36:00.006-05:00

There were more squeals in the house this week as we read about a family who received their referral for a beautiful 7 week old son. Wow. Seven. Weeks. Old. Amazing!

When I read about a referral I continue to react as if it's the first referral I've EVER read. It's just this amazing thing that is very, very difficult to put into words.

I guess it would be like giving natural childbirth and instead of your chosen 'designated other' in the delivery room with you, you have all of us -the entire international adoption blogging community. That's a pretty poor explanation, but whatever. :)

So, because of the above mentioned referral, the Gittens' household has moved up, now holding the lovely number five position. Woohoo!

In other news, we've officially registered and sent the list to the moms. As I mentioned before, we were on the fence with this and in the end we opted in. Our family is all over the place, so I doubt we'll do a full-on shower but will plan an after-event; one that happens long after we're all settled in. For some reason I've always felt funny about registries. I have no idea why. I actually prefer when someone else registers because you know you're helping out and you're choosing exactly what they want/need. When the shoe is on the other foot with this though...hmmm.

In any event, things are a happening and we are READY!!!! (well, not really but we WILL be!)

Happy Saturday to all!

The Wait, The Girls, The Gifts and The Gab

2009-11-12T17:42:00.012-05:00

Four topics. Can you tell today is a scattered day?

I've read it's part of The Wait. My mind is all over the place. If there was a word holding a stronger meaning than stalker, it would apply to me. The only constant in my scatteredness is the FBI list. I'm now checking multiple times a day to see who is getting court dates, who is passing court and who is getting referrals. That of course segways straight to checking every blog to get updates on all the families. Oh boy.

My heart goes out to the families who have not passed, but I'm hopeful since new dates have been scheduled already. Sometimes when I read these families' posts, I realize how strong they are. It's all of us yet to reach their stage who sound so heartbroken in our comments to them. I think as you reach each stage in this process, you're becoming more and more prepared for your stage, knowing it will all come together. Your eyes are open to the fact there are bumps and nobody is immune to them.

I've mentioned the strong bond of the Gladney Girls (and I don't mean to disregard the men in this equation). It just happens that the majority of those writing are the women. We're all going through such a unique experience together. These are now bonds that will always exist (and all you men will meet each other on the inevitable playdates!).

Another thing during The Wait is you're never really sure what you should be doing. Reading? Decorating? Redecorating? Moving things? Buying things?

Today, I'll address buying things. My mother & sister sent us so much clothing, shoes, bibs, sheets and things along those lines that we decided we're fine. The crib will be in our possession in February. That does it then - we're absolutely fine! We'll just ask for books.

Bad move. You know why? We don't have ANYTHING!!! People kept telling us to register and apparently there is a reason. I've received sample lists from friends trying to gently guide us. Well, I can tell you that after looking at all these things, we are headed for a registry asap. Who knew all this stuff existed? And I'm not talking "stuff" for the sake of having "stuff". (I despise excess) Books are very important and we're not neglecting that thought, but there have been some major developments in the children's department that we will happily be partaking in.

In the meantime, I wait by reading about Ethiopia, Africa and adoption.

The Crazies are Back

2009-11-11T19:06:00.009-05:00

I believe when a dream hits a recurring stage (2x in my book) it's time to let it out and set it free. And you lucky readers are the recipients of my full-on crazies.

The dream: multiplying babies at various locations throughout my work day; all waiting for me to bring them home.

Dream One: Two babies are sitting all alone in the shuttle seat adjacent to me. They succeed in getting my attention by waving and giggling to me. I wave back, wondering how they got there and why are these infants commuting? Where exactly are they going?

As I exit the bus, the driver won't let me off, telling me "You're not leaving them here." Who is he talking about?

Driver: "Miss, please take your babies. Now."

I am now awake and vow to never close my eyes again.

Dream Two: A meeting at work is underway and my mind is drifting. Something in the corner of the conference room catches my eye. It's a mini-pyramid of diaper-clad infants (two on bottom, one on their shoulders - all seated on top of one another). They're all smiling with pacifiers.

I LOL and look around the room. Does nobody else see this? By the time I look back in the corner, the babies have brought in three friends. It's now a 3-2-1 pyramid of babies!

I stop looking in the corner and simply excuse myself from the meeting, head down with eyes focused on the floor.

The president abruptly stops speaking and says: "Tamara, please take your babies. Now."

There will not be a Dream Three, because now I really will never, ever close my eyes again.

Anniversaries of Note...

2009-11-09T06:34:00.020-05:00

40th Anniversary of Sesame Street

Even Google is in on the madness leading up to November 10, 2009.

On 11/10/1969 we were introduced to Bert & Ernie's gang. Cookie, Big Bird, Mr. Hooper, The Count (who I always found a bit frightening), Oscar, Mr. SnuffleUpaGus (sp), Grover (who shares a birthday with our nephew), Elmo, Zoe and all the other little furry creatures who helped us along through the early years are all gearing up for the big day. There is an amazing SS documentary out there, that is worth a NetFlix, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SESAME STREET. I highly recommend it.

20th Anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall, 11/9/1989

"Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall!" Former President, Ronald Reagan

"I, I will begin again. I will be with you again." U2

Wind of Change, The Scorpions performance

The Wall - Live in Berlin...a live concert performance of the Roger Waters rock opera celebrating the destruction of the Berlin wall.

Beethoven's 9th symphony with the word "Joy" changed to "Freedom", Leonard Bernstein's concert

The Berlin Wall was a concrete barrier, more than 87 miles long, built by the German Democratic Republic (GDR) (East Germany) that completely enclosed the city of West Berlin, separating it from East Germany, including East Berlin. The Wall included guard towers placed along large concrete walls, which circumscribed a wide area (later known as the "death strip") that contained anti-vehicle trenches, "fakir beds" and other defenses. source: Wiki

4th Month Anniversary on the Wait List!!!

The most personal of all the big ones happening right now.

We are four months in and more excited everyday! The big redecorating moves are about to happen very soon, with each room moving down a room to serve a new purpose. Dining table moves to open area; office moves to dining room; office becomes the nursery. Whew. Yes, lots to do.

And do you know how we celebrated our final fabulous dinner in our official dining room? With one big fat snafu.

I'm a baker, not a cook. So, when I come across a simple, creative recipe that I know I can master, I'm all-in. The short story of this very long saga is that when I attempted to replicate the fabulous ham I made last Easter I didn't realize that what I was basting, prepping, and counting on to make our final dining room experience unforgettable was in fact, not a ham at all. I had purchased a side of pork!

Yup, plain ole pork that I have no simple, yet creative recipes for. The same pork that I have no intention of ever ordering again. Our guests drove over an hour for the ham I raved about, to end up sitting at our table with four adults staring blankly at "ham" that was not pink, not spicy, had no skin and had less flavor. And did I mention that 15 minutes per pound doesn't cut it when you're cooking PORK? Thankfully we all had enough after a few bites and didn't dig too deep where IT WAS RAW! ha! If you can't laugh....

and laugh we did, with some very fabulous chocolate cake. Thanks Aim!

A sign that it's okay to give up the privileges of a separate dining room and get on with the move.

Baby Training 101

2009-11-02T18:35:00.012-05:00

At 14 years old I was required to take Drivers Ed as part of my college prep curriculum, for the obvious reason that I was about to turn 15 and apply for my learner's permit, followed by the sought-after driver's license at 16.

At 15 years old I was required (by the 'rents) to take the PSAT course in hopes of boosting my SAT scores to those suitable for a fine institution and in turn, leading to a successful career.

At 16 I signed to a modeling agency and was thrown into a very rigorous "runway walking" training in order to land my first job. (yes, you read that correctly)

At each stage in our lives we are prepped, trained and officially certified. You all know where I'm going with this....

At what point are we certified to properly care for a child? NEVER. EVER.

(unless you count creepy Baby Alive, who taught us if you crank the baby's arm she'll pee her pants)

Enter...my brother. He had the genius idea of "Baby 101 Weekend". When he had his second son in April, he asked us the expected age of our son when we bring him home. I estimated the earliest would be six months, most likely older. In April, my brother picked a date in October (making his son six months) and said "You guys are coming down that weekend and are on full-duty. We'll stay home in case you need anything, but we're acting as if we're not there. You're doing the feedings, the burping, figuring out why he's crying, entertaining him, changing him, the whole shebang."

At 8:05pm on Friday, 10/24, we bounced off the train in a flurry of excitement for our upcoming training. Fast forward to the scene on Sunday, 10/26: drooling on each other while slumped over bracing one another up in our respective seats.

I highly recommend this for anyone becoming a first time parent. We are more ready than ever.

Thank you Amy, Scott, Jack and Theo for the most valuable life training EVER.

xoxo

Gladney & Diapers.com

2009-11-01T07:37:00.005-05:00

Have I mentioned how pleased we are with our agency? They're at it again.

A local Children’s Hospital recently donated several infant incubators to Gladney which are being sent to Addis Ababa. Gladney has secured free shipping on multiple crates to ship these incubators. They would like to fill the remainder of the crates with diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, and baby carriers from http://www.diapers.com/. They deliver diapers, wipes, and other baby necessities at great prices with fast free shipping (if you order $49 or more).

If you would like to help by donating items, you can enter the Referral Code “Gladney” on the shopping cart screen and you'll get an extra $10 off your first order of diapers with a $49 minimum purchase. And Gladney gets a $1 credit each time you order. Remember the Referral Code: Gladney

When ordering items, please have them shipped directly to Gladney at this
address by November 15th:

Gladney Center for Adoption
Attn: Scott Brown
6300 John Ryan Drive
Fort Worth, Texas 76132

Here is a list of the products the children and in-country caregivers need which you can find by clicking on the links below:

Babyganics Germinator Hand Sanitizer - 250 ml - http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?productId=16258

Huggies Snug and Dry Diapers - Extra Large Case - (sizes needed size 1 through size 3) - http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?productId=3

Huggies Natural Care Fragrance Free Baby Wipes - 360 Count Refill - http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?productId=8145

Baby Bjorn Baby Carrier Original - City Black - http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?productId=7710

Trick or Treat

2009-10-31T21:26:00.006-04:00

15 years ago last night, Kai and I went on our first date....awwww.

So, when I got the list for October shows at work, I saw that Living Colour was playing on 10/30 and immediately put our names on the list. Little did I know that this past week was going to be one of the most exhausting ones EVAH and I would be completely worn out by Wednesday.

It seems everyone in the tri-state area is in bed with the flu and it's knocking them down for a minimum of three days. Oof. I'm popping vitamins and taking preventative measures like you wouldn't believe, including slathering hand sanitizer on all exposed skin each morning after my germ-infested commute and then again before heading home. I think it's working.

We had an amazing time at the show last night, but I awoke realizing my body had finally had it. I slept 12 hours last night and then took a two hour nap this afternoon. This is unheard of. This being said, there will be no Halloween parties in our future this evening. We're soaking in the cozy rainy evening at home and the orangy glow of the Empire State Building. The warm & fuzziest bit of all is that next year at this time, we'll be out and about trick or treating with our little guy in full costume!!!

Hold on to your hats...We are #6

2009-10-28T07:05:00.004-04:00

Running late and must jump in the shower but had to post this. I just received a message from one of my new adoption-blogging-BFFs. They got their referral!!!! After a quick scream, outburst of laughter and tears, Kai came running in to see what was happening. I told him. His response..."and now we're six?" That's when I screamed again, since it hadn't crossed my mind initially. Woohooo!!!!

A Gladney humanitarian aide video. Our agency rocks.

7

2009-10-27T06:34:00.006-04:00

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Another referral has been issued, which pops us up yet another spot on the unofficial list.

This is happening at warp speed, considering what we had imagined. My guess is that because the courts have reopened, cases are being heard and this may have caused a little dam to have opened. This is purely hypothetical, but seems feasible, no?

A few have mentioned 'a Christmas baby'. That is a near impossible scenario, but something to address so everyone is in the loop on our remaining steps in the process.

get The Call, aka The Referral: the phone call from our caseworker stating they have matched a baby boy with our family (that's what we are #7 in line for)
receive pix & medical records of referred infant and forward to international adoption specialist to guide and advise us with decision and (most certainly) accept the referral...yay!!!
wait for our court date in Ethiopia (approx 1-2 months from accepting referral)
once we pass court (not uncommon to have multiple court attempts) we'll receive a travel date from our agency (2-3 weeks from passing court)

So what does all this mean? It means we must GET BUSY. So much to do.

Yes, the stroller. If anyone has any suggestions for a one-handed operational model, please forward your info. We don't have a car and have no plans of getting one, considering where we live a car tends to be more of a pain in the neck than it does a luxury. This stroller will be our car and taken very seriously when making this purchase. Any city mom out there who has shlepped up & down the train stations and in & out of the subways with baby in one arm and stroller in the other, knows what I'm talking about.

I've been doing loads of research on this and keep coming back to the Inglesina. They even have a clip on YouTube, demonstrating the one-hand function. At first, I was prepared to plunk down the ridiculous dollars needed for a Bugaboo. Thinking, if a manufacturer is asking this much for a stroller, it MUST do everything I need. That was a hot minute of insanity and when I came back to my senses, I found the lovely Zippy Inglesina. Turns out the Bugaboo isn't that fabulous in the one-hand collapsing function. It is a beautiful stroller, just not for us.

So, the requirements for a commuter baby's wheels? One hand function and all terrain build (for city sidewalks, potholes), lightweight with loads of storage.

We are open to suggestions.

Thanks all! And a huge congratulations to everyone receiving their referrals. Our thoughts go out for a peaceful final wait. Come on court dates!!!

We are now #8...hmmm

2009-10-22T16:11:00.011-04:00

Unofficially. (I must always state that)

Becoming number eight seemed a bit different somehow. I didn't yell to Kai immediately as I opened up the list at 6am, as I do every morning (and then open it as soon as I get to work and click refresh throughout the day). I think this is my obsession until travel date.

Anyway, something was different. I think I'm entering whatever stage follows the 'everything is bliss and I can be as naive as I wanna be' stage. My first thought was for a woman I've never met and who lives a world away from us. In that world, she is experiencing great hardship right now with drought and famine. She is also nearing a decision that will result in separation from her newborn son.

So, as I sit here geniunely pleased to be this much closer to forming our new family, these now become bittersweet steps we're taking. Because with each one we make, someone else is a step closer to losing a part of their family.

Well, now this has become a complete downer of a post which was not my intention at all. The next post will be about strollers, much lighter.

Bibs during the Nor'easter

2009-10-18T15:01:00.019-04:00

The weather folks are in a frenzy reporting on our current nor'easter and I don't think NYC is listening. It's rainy and dreary but there's not a whole lot happening out there to justify one to stock up on milk, eggs and hunker down.

In any event, we made no plans for today due to the impending storm - which has resulted in a very productive day. I got a jump on my "things to do before baby comes home" list. First task was to take stock of all items in our downstairs storage area in preparation for reorganizing to make room for necessary baby-gear. This was done with husband in tow in case any creepy crawlers decided to set up shop in my boxes. (upon moving in last year, I threw a ton of bags of fabric & sewing supplies down there which haven't been touched since)

I was very impressed to find out that not one bag was damp or infested. I saw one spider which was no big deal. Not really sure what I was expecting, but you think a dark little storage space running under the stairs has potential for a plethora of nastiness.

Hauling all these bags of fabric upstairs had my brain on overdrive, with at least a handful of new designs in mind before reaching the top of the stairs. The first being bibs. What a perfect way to utilize so many remnants.

And what better way to spend a rainy day? All those PAPs out there know that any little thing you do that makes you feel more connected to bringing your child/ren home, is a fabulous use of time.

Take a peek...(the insets are a shot of the reverse side; strap is elastic lace)

The Business Baby: men's pinstripe suiting with a black lace smile

The Dinner Party Baby

Punk Rock Baby: pleather snakeskin with "Niko"

Cashmere & The Crusty Cheerio

2009-10-17T07:46:00.009-04:00

Pretty self-explanatory, no?

Our nephews are the perfect little guinea pigs as we begin to dip our toes into the unknown; this new world called parenthood. Everytime we're with one of them, I walk away with a bit more insight into what this new world holds for us.

The latest? Bringing a little remnant from our weekend toddler-extravaganza to the office. I had just finished presenting my portion of the project to approximately ten others in the conference room. As I glance down at my notes to make sure I covered everything, I notice a shriveled up, crusty Cheerio dangling (by what is some sticky substance that only a 4-year-old can create) to my cashmere hoodie. OMG. This has been here ALL day. Because it's a hoodie (and did I mention it's cashmere?) I certainly wear it more than once before it hits the dry-cleaner.

For those who don't know me, I am not a fancy-schmancy label-whore. In fact, I find much more pleasure in styling pieces from the local thrift shop with ones I've made myself, so this isn't a snob-thing. It's that this sweater was a gift and one I've had for YEARS. It's my go-to piece for making my own creations look a little more "serious". And now there is a crusty Cheerio stuck to it and I can't stop laughing! This is my new life.

And if I ever write a book, I think I found the title...Cashmere & The Crusty Cheerio.

Month 3 on the Wait List

2009-10-10T19:39:00.016-04:00

Yes, more numbers. Unfortunately, I think all posts from now until travel time will include some form of a count down.

And today's number children, is the number three. We were officially placed on the Wait List three months ago today, on 7/10/09. I say officially because it was documented on paper with our agency on that day.

All this recent bumping up to the next place in line is UNofficial because it has nothing to do with our agency's wait list records. The unofficial numbers are all calculcated by us, the blogging adoption world. And this great database is maintained by an amazing woman who maintains the FBI (Forensic Blogging Initiative); all for the sole purpose of our need to know what everyone else is doing, what position we're currently holding and how we're each handling our current status. It is a wonderful thing!

Tam recently referred to us as The Gladney Girls, which I personally think should stick. Gladney is our agency and we're all following every move the other one makes. Of course there are families without blogs because they want to remain a bit more private. How dare they! (just kidding)

So for the rest of the Gladney Girls letting it all hang out and spilling every neuroses to the world wide web, I tip my hat to you and thank you for making the first three months of our wait that much more bearable.

Accessorizing #9

2009-10-08T21:02:00.018-04:00

What else is a girl to do?

We currently have a high class problem on our hands and I'm not about to complain, just express my shock-ed-ness. It wasn't long ago that we moved from 15 to 12 on the unofficial list, at which point my brother jokingly said, "..better get that nursery ready because there is a baby on the way!" That's when I repeated the whole schpeel about a 9 month wait, rainy season, unpredictability, unknown hurdles, etc. and I'm not taking anything too seriously until we hit the single digits.

Well, after posting our #10 move on Monday and then quickly updating it with our bump to #9 yesterday...drumroll....we're in single digits folks. No more messing around. Operation Nursery is beginning this weekend.

Things are moving too smoothly, too quickly and we MUST keep up. We will combat this with what we know best...accessorizing. We're pulling out the bedding and the stuffed animals. The painting I did will be hung. Curtains will be sewn. And then we will look for more accessories...the much needed urban stroller (key for city dwellers w/out a car), the rain shield for the stroller, the perfect diapers for the flight home, the rug for his room and we may even hang the wooden blinds still in the office corner that were purchased so he can sleep a bit sounder. And the list will go on as long as we wish. This is the attitude we've decided to take.

We've heard some very unpleasant Waiting stories and are not dismissing them by any means. For some reason, to this point our wait is simply that...a wait. It's not dragging and it's not close to unbearable (yet). We're also only three months in (this Saturday). So at this very surreal moment, we are happy to no longer be #10 while pleasantly satisfied to bask in the moment of #9, not yet rushing to #8 while we take a moment to accessorize.

The only sense I can make of this stage is that, you can have fun with it. You don't have the stress of being next in line and taking your eye off the phone for fright of missing The Call, yet your dependence on the notary & fingerprinting is behind you because your paperwork is now complete. My advice to any new families is enjoy this time. Take advantage of being able to prepare for the biggest thing EVER that is about to happen within a matter of months. And don't lose your sense of humor.

My mother in law gave me the best advice when we were at the beginning stages of IVF. After giving her full support (as always), she said we must always remember to maintain our sense of humor. It's a stong part of our relationship and she knows that. Her advice is the same advice I would give to anyone in the Waiting Stage (or any stage).

Unofficially #9

2009-10-08T07:27:00.008-04:00

Tesiatu, ዘጠኝ Neuve, Neuf, Neun, תשע, Nove, девять, níu, 九つ

Another Family Hoopla...The Sis' Wedding

2009-10-06T20:26:00.017-04:00

A whole lot can happen in a few days.

I boarded a plane last Thursday (Kai came Friday) for my sister's wedding reception in GA, very content to be sitting in the #12 position on the unofficial Wait List. I must note that a few days prior to that we were at #15, so all in all there was much excitement yet a teeny bit of "oh my, this is picking up rather quickly".

Fast forward two days. I take a break early Saturday morning from my reception to-do list to check the computer. (aren't we all Wait-List-checking-addicts at this point?) I scream, "MOOOMMMMMM!!!" I ask her to please double check my counting skills. (she's a retired teacher) It's official. There have been two more referrals posted on the unofficial list and we are now #10. An utter state of confusion takes over. Is this how it works? Will we now wait two-three months with no movement on the list? How else will this take eight/nine months? Are four referrals a week normal????

I quickly move into to-do list mode - and it's not for the reception on hand that is taking place in a matter of hours. My head is spinning with a brand new to-do list; one that only a natural born control freak can understand. Back to reality...my sister is celebrating her wedding reception this weekend, following a bride/groom only ceremony that took place in Jamaica last month. I MUST focus. This pace must simply be a rare little surge.

So enough about my hysteria...on to my sister's. Ha! It was a huge success. She was a beautiful bride and we're so happy to welcome Brian to the family!

Unfortunately, our dad couldn't make it but the majority of the family attended which was wonderful! Such a GREAT time. Our family is amazing and did I mention a bit on the large side? My mother (3 bio kids) remarried Glen (4 bio kids), producing quite an ecclectic blended crew that will make for an amazing new family for our newest little addition.

And those characters are...

(They requested Aunt Tam do their hair)

and then of course, there is US

and then me and The Nana (note the blow-up jumping machine in the background that was brought in for the kiddies)

We are now #10

2009-10-05T20:45:00.002-04:00

Blue Funk of International Adoption

2009-09-30T20:24:00.019-04:00

aka...the suckiness

There are ups & downs in every part of life and if there wasn't, well...we would all be a bit bland wouldn't we? International adoption is no exception and is fundamentally the big unknown. It's that unknown part of IA that can make your head spin because it is so foreign (no pun intended) to us.

Eastern Africa, the Ethiopian population specifically, is currently facing significant hardship. This is a bold statement considering the customary standard of living endured by Ethiopians. Droughts are in their fifth year. Cattle are dying due to dried up watering holes. Crops can't endure the climate change. So where are families getting their food? nutrition? water? income? and the list goes on. One thing I read that I wouldn't have realized is a side-effect of the drought is conflict. Because families depend on their cattle & crops for both food and income, it is not uncommon for families losing their cattle & crops, to pillage others which in turn creates great conflict within the communities.

"This is the worst humanitarian crisis Oxfam has seen in east Africa for over ten years," Paul Smith Lomas, Oxfam's East Africa Director, said in a statement. source: NY Times

Our entrance into this new world of IA officially began in 2/09. After eight months, I still consider us newbies with so much room for growth. Reports like this from worldwide news outlets make me think in very selfish terms, "Based on our timeframe, I think our baby has been conceived. What in the world is his birth mother eating, drinking, feeding him? How is she getting proper nutrients? Am I being naive when I think/hope she isn't affected by this drought? The reports say the entire country is in the midst of it." And then I stop or I will simply self-induce a panic moment causing my head to explode. So, I rationalize - this is the unknown that we signed on for and as much as I don't like it, it is completely out of my hands right now.

The other Blue Funk moment this week is that courts did not reopen on 9/28 as planned. The rainy season ended (ironic, considering the 5 year drought. I still don't get it myself but am researching it.) but the courts are conducting a training session for two weeks which will keep courts closed through 10/9. Agencies will be announcing the reopening as they receive updates from the federal government. Our thoughts go out to the families who had a 10/5 court date.

Okay, so enough Doom & Gloom. I'm not a fan.

I've done my fair share of research; learning about others' experiences with IA. I've heard and read things that gave me goosebumps - both the good & the not-so-good; experiences from both birth parents and adoptive parents to be. It is rough. It is joyous. It is at times unsettling while being the most exciting venture of your life. The only definitive of IA is that is the unkown.

I'll simply conclude this by saying that IA is not for the weak.

We are now #12!!!

2009-09-29T06:36:00.012-04:00

I gasped yesterday and went into full blog stalking mode as I read Tam's post. It referenced all the referrals & movement on the unofficial Wait List. I had no idea! Normally, I follow the Yahoo Ethiopia/Gladney group to find out about families receiving their referrals. I don't check the FBI (the unofficial list) regularly. That is certainly changing.

Last week I noticed a very long lull on the Yahoo group and wondered if something was up with my computer. How can nobody be posting? It turns out I missed a whole lot...Rebecca & Colin got "The Call" for a 7 week old girl, Robyn received a referral for a 2.5 month old little boy, Shawn accepted their referral of a 2 month old little girl and another family got "The Call" for their 10 month old little girl (they don't have a blog).

I posted their links so everyone else can check out "The Call" posts. They are my absolute favorite of this whole process. "The Call" post is the one that describes the moment the waiting family receives their referral call from their caseworker. No matter who you are, it seems to turn your world upside down with utter bliss. So much so, that it seems most families forget every detail once the caseworker says "I have a referral for you. Are you near a computer?".

We're sending a huge congratulations to all of you who just received your referrals and wishing you a quick court process to get over there and bring your babies home.

Now we just need Heidi & Mark to get their call for their siblings. Siblings can take a little longer, but they've been sitting at the #1 spot for quite some time and we're all rooting for this week to be the one. I can't imagine what we'll be like at that spot, based on how anxious I already am for another family. Between Facebook, her blog and the Yahoo group - we're all checking in daily for their news. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing?

Jack & The Dinosaur

2009-09-26T08:15:00.009-04:00

Some little tidbits will be thrown into this blog that have nothing to do with adoption, but more to do with either family or simply a current event in NYC (or the world). We'll definitely be creating a Life Book for our new baby, but with technology making things so easy, we may be able to capture a more complete story for him by including our family blog along with his Life Book.

It seems like we're always celebrating a birthday in our family. Yesterday was my sister's...Happy Birthday Mandie!!! And a big congratulations on her recent wedding in Jamaica. We'll be seeing them all this next weekend for the reception. Can't wait!

Next up on the birthday list is our nephew, Jack, who will be four very soon. We have the pleasure of his company this weekend, as he'll be spending the night with us tonight after his soccer game today. The inspiration for the dinosaur?

His mother's Facebook posts last week:

Mommy to Jack: "Jack, you need to wash your hands."

Jack to Mommy: "I also NEED a dinosaur."

Next morning...

Mommy to Jack: "Good morning Jack. How are you today?"

Jack to Mommy: "The same. I still don't have a dinosaur."

That's the moment Operation Dinosaur began for Aunt Tam & Uncle Kai. And voila!

Now, I only hope his reaction is what I've built it up to be in my head! Stay tuned.

Off to the gym now. (yes, I'm still plugging away on that venture)

We Heart Ethiopia

A Year Home

Kechene OTO Charm Necklace is HERE!

Our Three Month Anniversary

Steps, Aide and Special Mothers

from Arghhhh!!! to Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

The Nikolicious

Niko is Home...ahhhh

IT'S THE SISTER AGAIN!!!!

ZZZzzzzzz...

Off We Go!

Update: File Has Been Found!!!

Happy Birthday Baby!

Are You KIDDING Me???

The Highs & Cries of Trip #1

THEY PASSED!!!! **UPDATED**

An Ethiopian Update

Speechless

Here We Come, Baby N!

WE PASSED! WE PASSED! WE PASSED!!!!!!

Two More Days

In Six Days...

What Lies Ahead

Court Date!

80 Days

Slow Dance

The Voice In My Head Looks Like This...

Speculative Living

Retail Therapy

Ma & Pa Gittens

Who Suggested This?

A Candle and a Care Package

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

You're Invited to a Shower Today...

Happy M Day!

Double The Fun

Today is the Deadline

tick tick tick...

Vocal & Bouncy

The Sweet Sounds of Charlie Brown's Teacher

Six Month Old Cheeks...

Every Line Means Something

So Now What?

Couch-Time

Cynosure

Baby N, Meet Mommy & Daddy

The Call Story

REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Shower!

Movement

A High Class Problem

Numero Uno

Shame & Joy

drumroll.....WE ARE #2!!!

The Power Ballad and You

Hey, Ho...Lets Go!

Design Selected as the OTO Necklace!!!

7 Months on Wait List

Dad

A Vintage Post

Passing the Time

Happy Birthday Gram!

Ups & Eccchs

The Stroller

Things are Picking Up

Where are the referrals? Hello...anyone out there?

Haiti is in need...UPDATE as of 1/19

6 Months on Wait List...

Melkam Gena!!!! (Merry Christmas)

Heidi Got "The Call"

It's a Bittersweet Day

2009 and such...

The Blizzard & The Nursery

#3 and Pooped

#4!!!! and....Month 5

Flight Planning Tip

Through the Eyes of the Dining Room Table

Nursery Ideas

Happy Belated Thanksgiving...

Saving Lives with Music...our little album is complete & released this Tues., 11/17

THEY PASSED!!!! UPDATED