Thursday, April 8, 2010


Kai and I have a blow out argument every 9-10 months.

This has been the case for the past 15.9 years and simply appears to be the working synergy of our relationshipalness.

It's disturbing that it's so predictable, yet it's cleansing. It opens our eyes and keeps us on our toes. It's a bump in the road that forces us to value and be so very thankful for our relationship. It's also inevitable when you share 1200 sq ft with the same person for almost 16 years! It's life, is what it is.

So, why in the world would I share this with all of you? Because I know you're all not "unicorns & rainbows" everyday either! (I must say, that previously "quoted" phrase is one I never heard prior to adopting and thought it fitting in this instance.)

Our fights normally happen at the end of a long day, which inevitably leave one of us on the couch.

In the past, couch-time for me meant..."If I'm forfeiting a comfy, fluffy king-size bed for this, then I'm certainly not going to spend my narrow-mock-bedded evening in a he-said she-said rehashing mindset." My thoughts would be "If I lived alone, how would I decorate my own apartment?" And by the time I got to the second room (third, during a big argument), I would already be missing Kai and all his stuff. I would realize all will be fine in the morning and I would begin to doze off.

For some reason since we submitted our adoption paperwork last February, these 9-10 month spouts disappeared. That was until...about a week after we received our referral and bingo. Well, after 20+ months, I was headed back to the couch and this is how it all went down...

Things were different this time. "I don't want to be on the couch!" and "I can't sleep on the couch. We're having a baby!" and finally "There's no time for make-believe decorating anymore. This is serious stuff." That's when it began to sink in that we've been kids ourselves for a very long time. It's part of who we are, how we met and why we work so well together.

These near-annual outbursts may continue for the rest of our lives, who knows? The point is, I foresee them taking on a new form. A more discreet form. You know the kind, like when you were six years old and riding in the backseat of your parents car and your mother is answering your father through gritted teeth. You're not sure why her face looks like that, but you also don't focus on it. You're six, that's not your responsibility and nor should it be.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, other than to say there are a lot more preparations required when bringing a child into your home than simply having a big heart and creating a nursery. It's the day to day stuff; the real-life stuff. We won't always get it right, but I can honestly say that Baby N is already having an influence on how we see things, how we need to see things and what priorities will shift as our family grows. He may not yet be here physically, but he has completely arrived in our hearts and is 100% a part of our family in mind and spirit. Baby N, you're already changing the rules in the Gittens' home and we welcome it with wide open arms!


  1. Loved your post. With 2 kids, I have definitely done the talking through your teeth with a smile. Ha. I have been following your blog! Ours is:

  2. rock star post! seriously, if i were making a collection of my favorite posts- this would be one of them. thank you for sharing, for meandering through your thoughts and bringing out the real. and i hope that i will at least get to sit on that couch someday- holding your son.

  3. Like Rebecca said, thank you for keeping it real!! This whole process is stressful and I'm impressed you guys kept it together for so long. Love you!!!!