Double The Fun

Baby N's paperwork has not been completed by his orphanage, therefore was not available to be submitted to court in time for the ticking clock of the new law. We're one of the first families to fall under the new law going into effect on Monday and will be traveling twice.

It's like a cloudy film was peeled away yesterday when our caseworker called, allowing us to finally see the next few (and final) steps on our journey to BN. Those steps include:

Over the next few days/weeks:
* BN's orphanage is responsible for compiling his docs from various local agencies (comparable to the paperwork Kai & I gathered to create our dossier last year)
* orphanage hands over paperwork to Gladney
* Gladney submits BN's paperwork & our dossier to court, requesting a court date

Two-Four weeks later:
* court date is issued

Three-Six weeks later:
* court date happens (we appear in court & stay in country for one week)
* once we pass, BN's passport & travel docs are being prepped for his flight home

Two-Three weeks later:
* we travel to bring BN home :)

This timeline is a very rough estimate with a few key factors to note. Nothing is put into motion until the orphanage presents the paperwork. And… Court dates are expected to be a bit backlogged due to yesterday’s rush of agencies scrambling to get their cases submitted by deadline.

So, the dirt…many have asked how we’re doing. Well, we’re turning this into an adventure and will soon see where it takes us on our way to & from Addis. Through the numerous budget airlines offered outside the US, it’s a great resource for saving some dollars while seeing a new corner of the world. It’s not for everyone, but we’ve done it on various trips, LOVE it and will be doing it again.

The number one issue, following the financial aspect, that caused anxiety among many families upon hearing the new requirements was “How will we ever be able to get on the plane and leave our child(ren) behind?”

I've got no positive spin for that one, folks. It’s not going to be easy. The other eye-popper for me was hearing that while in-country on our first trip, we’ll see BN at court and then at some point, spend about an hour with him at his care center. I was planning to hunker down at his care center for most of our week in Addis. oof. Bring on the ‘ugly cries’!

I think our new camera will become our best friend and perfect distraction on trip #1. By having a week in Addis, we’ll become explorers; taking every opportunity to capture the reality and future memories for BN . From his home area, the locals, the landscape and everything in between - we’ll be working on his story through pictures of his home country for his baby book.

We are very much looking forward to the remainder of our journey and very fortunate to be standing in these shoes.

Today is the Deadline

Today is the final day for paperwork to be submitted to the courts in Ethiopia if families are to fall under the previous law and travel only once. Considering the time difference, all decisions have most likely been made and caseworkers will be reaching out to us today.

As of Monday, 5/10, families adopting from Ethiopia will be required to be present for their court date; requiring travel once for court and then returning a few weeks later upon their passing of court to pick up their child(ren).

Speaking as one of the families teetering on the edge with a 50/50 shot of falling onto either side of this new structure, I honestly don't care on what side we land. I just want to KNOW. After all the recent updates of Baby N, the pictures, the status reports, etc....I just want to go get him.

I spoke to our caseworker earlier this week and she confirmed that she’ll call on Friday with our news. Yes – something concrete. (the control freak/planner in me is kicking into overdrive – ha!) It’s peculiar how your needs and security fluxuate during this process. Knowing we’ll hear a firm decision from her today makes today a little bit calmer than yesterday.

The best part of this? Ethiopia is being proactive to protect their children.

In other news...(and what this is all about)

This lady will be celebrating Mother's Day on Sunday as the amazing mother of her twin boys. Congratulations to Heidi & Mark on passing court yesterday!

Shame & Joy

yesterday marked eight months waiting...yay! yay! yay!

From the words of another blogger, F You CWA.
...and all you other lowlife agencies "allegedly" preying on families and children in the form of corrupt adoption. Your greedy actions have the potential for serious repercussions for thousands of innocent children.

Corruption is in every industry and comes in many forms. And if you're good at it, you'll always treat a few right who will sing your praises. It's quite unfortunate, to say the least, when you hear corruption allegations being made that involve children, and in a third world country to boot. Turn any corner and there is true need. To take advantage of this is simply shameful. (previous reference)

For family & friends not in the know, it is strongly suggested that because of the ongoing allegations mentioned above, new policies were required. Two were implemented this week.

Early in the week, the US State Department announced that visa processing for children adopted from Ethiopia will take on new requirements, which may cause a slight delay in the process. (Okay, not psyched about the delay but this was inevitable and we applaud the thorough steps being taken.)

The second notice came yesterday. Effective immediately, federal courts in Ethiopia require families to travel twice; once for court date to meet your child prior to adoption, allowing the judge to make any necessary inquiries and the second trip to pick up your child once you have passed court and their visa has been processed.

I don't care how many hoops we have to jump through to bring our baby home. We welcome a more transparent environment; one that leaves little wiggle room for corruption. My silly question is, Where are the hoops for these corrupt agencies? Isn't it safer for all, if their plug is pulled before they have the chance to pull ours?

The latest CBS interview is below.



This isn't all doom & gloom. The JOY...we are going to meet our son SO much sooner than we planned! Yes, there will be floods of tears boarding that plane home as he stays behind, but we will not focus on that part yet. We've scoured the web for families' blogs who reference traveling twice during their adoption. You see, each country has their own set of laws and each agency, their own rules. And all must abide by Ethiopia's set of laws. Suffice it to say, there is a plethora of variations to this calculation.

So, we found amazing stories from families in other countries, with other agencies and from those who simply opted on their own to travel twice. All were wonderful stories that have me so looking forward to spending time in our son's country, exploring on our own and most importantly meeting our son in the very near future. The one thing all families noted was the structural difference in the two trips with the pre-court trip being the more flexible, exploratory with much opportunity to engage in the local community. The latter is more structured with much time being in the guesthouse as you bond with (and spoil and dote on) your child/ren.

My stomach swirls with excitement as I realize, we don't need to send a care package with another family immediately because WE WILL BE DELIVERING IT OURSELVES! Awesome! We'll probably still try to send something though :)

In closing, it's very important to note the values, humanitarian efforts and core that drive the ethical agencies currently in-country. Their advancements have improved the lives of so many in need and continue to do so. It brings such calm and peace of mind knowing we are with one of the most reputable agencies. We applaud them for being everything they said they were from day one and for this week in particular - reaching out at all the right times.

Dad

One of Kai's Valentine's Day gifts arrived early.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I normally distribute my gifts early. I get too excited in the hub-bub and build up to whatever the big day is that we're all awaiting. I've always been like that and most likely will not change at this point.

Niko's first Christmas is going to be interesting. It may be the first time a child tells a parent, "It's 4am, please go back to bed mommy".

So, I found this amazing collection of Amharic tees, coffee mugs, aprons, etc. When I saw the "DAD" tee, I sqealed and whipped out my credit card. Sold. (I know Kai doesn't look very excited in the picture, but he really is).

We girls blog, shop, read and talk about being a mom from day one. We've referred to each other with the ultimate title of "mom" or "mommy" at some point already. Our mothers, sisters and friends have had heart to hearts about what motherhold holds. I wouldn't imagine the average dad-in-waiting encounters the amount of warm & fuzzy "oh boy, we can call you daddy soon" moments as us.

I kind of saw this when Kai opened his present and asked "What does this say?" When I simply said "Dad", I saw the coolest look on Kai's face.

Ups & Eccchs

I'm making a conscious effort right now to be a more timely-blogger. Through the rest of our journey, I will make every attempt to not let it slip in excess of a week, like now. It takes a lot of mind-energy to get back in the flow. I feel like I need to list a diary of events in order to catch up for the past week and that's no fun for anyone, especially the reader!

So, to recap I'll simply highlight the ups & not-so-ups; some adoption-related and some not.

Ech: The waitlist crew have all set their sights on a 7.2 month average wait time. That was the trend with our agency at the time of our last conference call prior to the holidays. Well, the new conference call happened this week and we're all back up to an 8 month average wait. Boo.

Up: Our artist, Phoenix, won a Grammy!!!! Yay. Yay. Yay. If you're not familiar with them, I'm sure you've heard them in one of the gazillion Cadillac commercials currently running.

Up: Sticking with the musical theme, Cyndi Lauper was in the office today. I LOOOOVE Ms. Lauper. Who doesn't? Seeing someone like her just makes me smile and makes life seem fun and light. Nice aura to have!

Ech: Not to harp on this conference call business, but...something was mentioned that I wasn't aware of nor have I read about this before (and I have done a TON of research).

Children are available for adoption because they are either a) relinquished - parent(s)/living family member(s) willingly give their child(ren) to the orphanage or b) they are abandoned (self-explanatory). That we knew.

What we didn't know is that abandoned children are named by the police officer who writes up their case when taken into the station. After hearing this a few days ago, it still isn't sitting well with us and has taken us aback. Our intention was to take our son's Ethiopian name as his middle name. The whole purpose was because of its meaning and to keep part of our child's past with him forever. Knowing what we know now, I'm not sure we want that. I'm not sure he would. I don't know. We don't know. My middle name is after my maternal grandmother and it's comforting to know that. I wouldn't want that name if I knew a police officer, aka stranger, selected it. Has anyone else faced this and hesitated? not hesitated at all? Should our son be referred to us as an abandoned case, we may be considering a different Ethiopian name.

I would love to hear others' thoughts/experience on this topic. I already want to protect this little guy whom I've never met and do what's right on his behalf. Hmmmm...

And to end on an Up...our nephew thoroughly enjoying his day at Chelsea Piers. The genuine happiness that bouncing brings to a four year old's world! I'm seriously jealous.

Melkam Gena!!!! (Merry Christmas)

Today, January 7, is Christmas in Ethiopia.

The Ethiopian calendar has thirteen months; 12 months with 30 days and one month with five days (six in a leap year).

We've had many questions from family and friends regarding holiday practices in Ethiopia. I planned to do a post addressing Ethiopian Christmas, the calendar year and New Year's Day but when I checked my email today, I realized I can take the lazy road on this by simply pasting an article we received from our caseworker.

Trust me, this covers everything and is the preferred explanation. I hope to have our blog printed into a book for Niko one day (you can Google "turn my blog into a book" and it's easy peazy. This isn't for mass production, just a reference for your child(ren) and family.) Okay, before I get off topic...so there are certain things (like Ethiopian Christmas) that will be by the book without any commentary from me. I hope to pass on as many accurate details when it comes to this, so no fancy fluffy fillings from me. A simple copy & paste with the facts...

Christmas Traditions in Ethiopia

Ethiopia is one of the oldest nations in Africa. It still follows the ancient Julian calendar, so Ethiopians celebrate Christmas on January 7. The Ethiopian Orthodox Church's celebration of Christ's birth is called Ganna. It is a day when families attend church.

The day before Ganna, people fast all day. The next morning at dawn, everyone dresses in white. Most Ethiopians don a traditional shamma, a thin, white cotton wrap with brightly colored stripes across the ends. The shamma is worn somewhat like a toga. Urban Ethiopians might put on white Western garb. Then everyone goes to the early mass at four o'clock in the morning. In a celebration that takes place several days later, the priests will dress in turbans and red and white robes as they carry beautifully embroidered fringed umbrellas.

Most Ethiopians who live outside the modern capital city, Addis Ababa, live in round mud-plastered houses with cone-shaped roofs of thatched straw. In areas where stone is plentiful, the houses may be rectangular stone houses. The churches in Ethiopia echo the shape of the houses. In many parts of the country there are ancient churches carved out of solid volcanic rock. Modern churches are built in three concentric circles.

In a modern church, the choir assembles in the outer circle. Each person entering the church is given a candle. The congregation walks around the church three times in a solemn procession, holding the flickering candles. Then they gather in the second circle to stand throughout the long mass, with the men and boys separated from the women and girls. The center circle is the holiest space in the church, where the priest serves Holy Communion.

Around the time of Ganna, the men and boys play a game that is also called ganna. It is somewhat like hockey, played with a curved stick and a round wooden ball.

The foods enjoyed during the Christmas season include wat, a thick, spicy stew of meat, vegetables, and sometimes eggs as well. The wat is served from a beautifully decorated watertight basket onto a "plate" of injera, which is flat sourdough bread. Pieces of injera are used as an edible spoon to scoop up the wat.

Twelve days after Ganna, on January 19, Ethiopians begin the three-day celebration called Timkat, which commemorates the baptism of Christ. The children walk to church services in a procession. They wear the crowns and robes of the church youth groups they belong to. The grown-ups wear the shamma. The priests will now wear their red and white robes and carry embroidered fringed umbrellas.

The music of Ethiopian instruments makes the Timkat procession a very festive event. The sistrum is a percussion instrument with tinkling metal disks. A long, T-shaped prayer stick called a makamiya taps out the walking beat and also serves as a support for the priest during the long church service that follows. Church officials called dabtaras study hard to learn the musical chants, melekets, for the ceremony.

Ethiopian men play another sport called yeferas guks. They ride on horseback and throw ceremonial lances at each other.

Ganna and Timkat are not occasions for giving gifts in Ethiopia. If a child receives any gift at all, it is usually a small gift of clothing. Religious observances, feasting, and games are the focus of the season.

Blue Funk of International Adoption

aka...the suckiness

There are ups & downs in every part of life and if there wasn't, well...we would all be a bit bland wouldn't we? International adoption is no exception and is fundamentally the big unknown. It's that unknown part of IA that can make your head spin because it is so foreign (no pun intended) to us.

Eastern Africa, the Ethiopian population specifically, is currently facing significant hardship. This is a bold statement considering the customary standard of living endured by Ethiopians. Droughts are in their fifth year. Cattle are dying due to dried up watering holes. Crops can't endure the climate change. So where are families getting their food? nutrition? water? income? and the list goes on. One thing I read that I wouldn't have realized is a side-effect of the drought is conflict. Because families depend on their cattle & crops for both food and income, it is not uncommon for families losing their cattle & crops, to pillage others which in turn creates great conflict within the communities.

"This is the worst humanitarian crisis Oxfam has seen in east Africa for over ten years," Paul Smith Lomas, Oxfam's East Africa Director, said in a statement. source: NY Times

Our entrance into this new world of IA officially began in 2/09. After eight months, I still consider us newbies with so much room for growth. Reports like this from worldwide news outlets make me think in very selfish terms, "Based on our timeframe, I think our baby has been conceived. What in the world is his birth mother eating, drinking, feeding him? How is she getting proper nutrients? Am I being naive when I think/hope she isn't affected by this drought? The reports say the entire country is in the midst of it." And then I stop or I will simply self-induce a panic moment causing my head to explode. So, I rationalize - this is the unknown that we signed on for and as much as I don't like it, it is completely out of my hands right now.

The other Blue Funk moment this week is that courts did not reopen on 9/28 as planned. The rainy season ended (ironic, considering the 5 year drought. I still don't get it myself but am researching it.) but the courts are conducting a training session for two weeks which will keep courts closed through 10/9. Agencies will be announcing the reopening as they receive updates from the federal government. Our thoughts go out to the families who had a 10/5 court date.

Okay, so enough Doom & Gloom. I'm not a fan.

I've done my fair share of research; learning about others' experiences with IA. I've heard and read things that gave me goosebumps - both the good & the not-so-good; experiences from both birth parents and adoptive parents to be. It is rough. It is joyous. It is at times unsettling while being the most exciting venture of your life. The only definitive of IA is that is the unkown.

I'll simply conclude this by saying that IA is not for the weak.

Court Dates, School & Ace Frehley

Happy Friday to All! I'm in SUCH a great mood for many reasons.

We tuned in last night to our agency's monthly conference call and heard some amazing information. (We're always one day behind because the day/time the call goes live, we're at work). I must preface this by saying that words can not describe how pleased, encouraged, proud, humbled by and inspired I am with our agency.

The first bit of great news is that the rainy season is coming to an end and courts are expected to open next week. YAY!!! That should equate to a lot more movement regarding referrals & court dates which of course lead to travel dates. Yes.

So, back to our agency call - I'm very active in the online international adoption forums; those specific to Ethiopia and well beyond. There is plenty of negative talk right now regarding the topic of corruption, which I am not informed enough to discuss intelligently so I won't. What I will say, as an adoptive parent is that it's all a bit unsettling - especially when you're not informed. These people do it for a living. We're adopting one child, one time. What do we know?

Enter: our agency and *huge sigh of relief*

Every allegation floating around out there right now was addressed on the monthly call and more. The "and more" part is what I applauded. They took the extra step to explain things happening behind the scenes, making it that much more transparent for us. Us being all the adoptive parents out there who have so much riding in their hands right now. We couldn't be more pleased. I took three pages of notes during the call and when it ended...It's rare, but Kai & I kind of just stared at each other. We were speechless. This is good.

So that was last night. This morning was another meeting with a local school. LOVED them. We're getting closer to knowing what we're actually looking for. Yes, we realize we're still a bit away from school but again, it's so key in our area to have a shortlist or you may end up with no choice at all.

And on a much lighter note...what does a girl throw on in the morning when your 9am is with the #1 choice for your child's school and your 12pm meeting at work is with the guitarist from KISS (Ace Frehley)? HA! I know...my job is kind of weird, but it's loads of fun & I wouldn't have it any other way!

Tam & Ace

Agencies & Ethics

Completely unacceptable.

This video is a clip from a recent story by Australian reporter Andrew Geoghegan, which aired last night on ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation). Mr. Geoghegan enlightens his viewers with the sickening corruption occuring in the adoption community by one of the most well-known agencies working in Ethiopia.

The agency: CWA - Christian World Adoption. (yes, that C stands for Christian)

It's difficult to watch and raises a lot of questions; many go unanswered. The gist - open your eyes when going into international adoption. What happens in this video can be avoided. It should also be noted that CWA is among many. They are by no means the only agency operating with such paltry ethics. They just happened to be the ones on Mr. Geoghegan's radar. It is our job as PAPs to put the rest of these pathetic agencies on his radar and shut them down before they end up shutting down the entire Ethiopian program because of their antics.

Kai has a rule, which is: I can only worry about the people living under THIS roof. This is what he says when there is drama...drama with a friend. drama with family. drama with job. ha! Pretty good rule, yes? Well, today I must step outside that rule and jump up & down waving my arms to worry for one little minute about all the families beginning their adoption agency research and shout to them "RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH YOUR AGENCY!" This is the biggest decision you will make in your life. Do not rush. Do not feel pressure. Do read the fine print.

You buy a house - you can move. You get married - you can get divorced (you shouldn't, but you can). You adopt - you can NOT leave your child. Again, this is the biggest decision you will make so take that into consideration when you select your agency. Think about how much time you spent on planning your wedding (six months? a year?) and then buying a house (another year?). I speak from first-hand knowledge. We started back at the beginning after leaving our first agency. A very reputable one, I might add. We felt we were chasing them for information and getting very little in return so we left everything behind and started researching all over again. It's worth it.

I'm well aware of the unwritten rules in this new world we've entered that include tight lips on the actions of agencies, so much so that some agencies have a gag clause in their contract. This clause carries over post-adoption and they will NOT hesitate to sue you, should you overstep. The outcome: you can't raise a valid concern publicly and they are allowed to continue with their ways. Why shouldn't your agency be transparent and have accountability?

There are many, many people all over the world performing amazing work for international adoption. The problem is that it is a business. It is not a charity. And when money is involved, especially when there is a demand for said business, all walks of life will try their hand.

I will wrap this up by stating this is our little blog. We are not here to change the world, but you better believe we will not stay quiet when more than one validated case of corruption involving innocent families and children crosses our path. It may not be the PC thing to do while blogging about your adoption story, but we have no problem calling out any agency that crosses the line to such corruption. It is shameless for any person to assist, negotiate or turn their head to such blatant injustice to innocent families and most of all, children.

What to Ask the Birth Family?

In the event your child is relinquished (vs. abandoned), your agency may have some very valuable information to share with you. Agencies operate under their own protocol in international adoption. (There are agency rules and then there are country-specific rules). We have selected an agency who openly offers birth family information to adoptive parents, when made available to them.

That being said, should we be fortunate enough to know the birth family's location at the time of our referral, we are most definitely traveling a week (or so) prior to our assigned date. This will allow for sufficient time to visit any biological family members, take pictures and record "memories" for our child. These are all things that so many of us take for granted. I must say that I have gained a whole new respect for the baby book my parents created for me - and all since trying to figure out where to begin with ours.

Since reading everything I can get my hands on re: the psyche of the adopted child, I must say that the impact of having first-hand stories and accounts from the child's family and birth-village is invaluable. It offers insight to their roots, answers questions they may be afraid to ask and most of all gives a little bit of closure to a past they never knew.

So, I came across an online discussion on this very topic...What to ask the birth family? Some are ours, some are borrowed from others and of course we welcome more from any of you.

I'll start with two that were mentioned by a mother after-the-fact. Those are hard. The ones you can no longer ask because the moment has passed. You try to think of everything, but there are things that are certain to be overlooked. Hopefully this assists others - and we also welcome any input from those of you who have already walked down this road or simply have a suggestion.

1. What time was he born? (for his birth certificate)
2. How did you choose his name?
3. What do you hope for your child's future?
4. Any known family medical issues?
5. What is your favorite food? color?
6. What makes you laugh?
7. What scares you?
8. How big is your family?
9. Do you like the morning or the evening?
10. Is your entire family from Ethiopia?
11. What would you like your child to know about you?

#15

There are a lot of numbers in this process...from the number of times you put finger to ink for various government agencies to the number of months you're chasing paper and then the number of weeks waiting for approvals. This is all to get on the wait list, where we are now.

Our current relevant numbers are: #1.5 (months waiting for a referral) and #15 (our place on the unofficial list).

So children...today's number is the number 15, meaning two families ahead of us received "the call" with their referrals and have now moved on to the next list (congratulations!!!), which we won't discuss yet because that is a whole new waiting game with its own batch of numbers.

We're so excited for the families who have moved on and are now waiting for court dates. That's a great place to be...having a picture and records of your new baby. It's pins & needles the rest of the way, now that you know the child matched with your family, but it's that much closer to bringing them home.

The other interesting and important thing to note for those reading who are not adopting, is the rainy season in Ethiopia. This is a difficult time in the country and one that causes most businesses to close from the end of August through the beginning of October. Unfortunately, this includes the government offices and courts - which in turn puts an abrupt halt on families waiting on a court approval in order to travel & pick up their child(ren).

When we researched the different countries that we were approved for (Nepal, Kazakhstan and Ethiopia), this little item of "closing during the rainy season" popped off the paper like you wouldn't believe! And then the more we researched Ethiopia, and Addis Ababa specifically, our response grew to of course they close for rainy season. So now we wait. We're very excited to have moved up two notches before things come to a standstill during rainy season. Hopefully our #15 will pick up its pace as we get through October/November.