Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

Yes, she's addressing the elephant in the room folks.

So far, so good - nothing to see here yet.

I'm sure I'll have the required time and energy one needs for a good 'ole fashion meltdown, should we be in this situation a week or two from now.

For those not privy to the FBI list and scratching your heads in wonder, let me fill you in...
There is an unofficial list (the FBI) that approximately 1/2 the families with our agency have volunteered to sign on with that enables us to track each other's progress through the various stages of bringing our children home. It's an amazing tool that gives a small-town feel to this vast nationwide community. You cheer the others on as they finalize their paperwork, receive their referral phone calls and so on. I can't imagine going through this process without this list and the amazing group of women who accompany it. To try and describe the friendships I've made through this little 'ole excel spreadsheet would never do justice, as they are beyond friendships. These women are now sisters and part of our family. What in the world did adopting families do before the internet? (that's for another post, another time)

So yes, that elephant...

Scrolling from the top of this list (chronologically) through to the families who received their referrals a month after us, there is only one empty blank. We are that blank. All other families have had their paperwork submitted and have received court dates. As of Friday, our paperwork still hasn't been submitted. *stomach flipping*

Many have asked how we're doing, while I'm sure others are secretly thinking 'Well, THAT can't be good'. Believe me, if I was on the outside looking in, I would be thinking the same thing! Our caseworker has been awesome and keeping communication open with Belay, who assures us all is fine and within the expected timeframe. This reassures me for a minute, until I view the list again and that lonely little blank morphs into a seizure inducing neon blinking Golden Nugget casino sign flashing "Uh-oh Uh-oh". Yes, a solution would be to stop viewing the list - but I can't. So much is happening so fast with other families right now. These are families we've traveled this journey with from the beginning. I'm not about to miss this part! This is the time to celebrate.

So to recap, we're not nervous yet. We're currently still in a place to beat the clock for the inevitable rainy season. (we need to pass court before the courts close for rainy season in August or we don't travel until they reopen in early October). That's what all the fuss/rush is about here.

I would say an accurate description is pending-nervousness. The call that either gives an update, a paperwork confirmation or a court date will obviously wane this pending state. No news at all...will likely raise our level to "I think it's time to be nervous."

Ahhh, the wait continues. I thought waiting for our referral was going to be the hard part, but heard from families that this part is a bit rougher. Waiting for court has been a much different kind of wait. It has brought a sense of calm because we can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator. He's no longer the 'unknown'. The hard part though? We can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator!

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat