A Candle and a Care Package

A candle was lit last night in honor of Heidi and Mark who we've all showered over the past few days with tips, poems and a potpourri of congratulations as they departed today for Ethiopia. Over the next two weeks they will soak in the country of their twins as they compile their story through images, conversations, tears and much joy. We're all awaiting the image of all four of them together...finally!

Along this journey they will make a pitstop at Baby N's crib to drop a care package, possibly grab a video snippet and steal a quick minute for some much needed little hugs on our behalf. The current care package includes a few items that were chosen based solely on their comfort level. They seem like very soft & cuddly lounge wear which will come in handy for all children after Baby N who will wear them. Once these items go into the care centers, they stay there so we wanted to ensure we sent items that will benefit all. The teething ring is self-explanatory, as each picture of Baby N shows major signs of teething. Hopefully this is good on the gums.

Lastly, the giraffe. This guy is a gift from Nana and has been in our bedroom for months, soaking in our smell. It's now stuffed into a ZipLock baggie and on a plane to Addis where BN will play with it and begin to smell our scent. Nana was especially smart on this purchase by showing up with two giraffes; one for the current trip and one to remain here for BN to have upon his arrival in his new room.



And the bear suit is just, well - adorable.



Another traveling mother offered some hugging for our little guy with a picture. When sending it to us, she described it as 'salve for a waiting mama's heart'...indeed. I couldn't describe it better.

When Kai & I receive these emails from traveling families, my heart races as I see them appear in my inbox. They feel like that missing little bulb in a string of holiday lights that make all the rest light up; like we were a dwindling, twinkle-weakling headed for the end of holiday rubbage. Suddenly, we have more life than ever before and are sparkling our little hearts out.

Hopefully on some level, Baby N understands that two crazy people are here waiting for his arrival and he will know someday that random shots of his chubby little cheeks were the fuel for these crazy people as they waited for him.

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

Yes, she's addressing the elephant in the room folks.

So far, so good - nothing to see here yet.

I'm sure I'll have the required time and energy one needs for a good 'ole fashion meltdown, should we be in this situation a week or two from now.

For those not privy to the FBI list and scratching your heads in wonder, let me fill you in...
There is an unofficial list (the FBI) that approximately 1/2 the families with our agency have volunteered to sign on with that enables us to track each other's progress through the various stages of bringing our children home. It's an amazing tool that gives a small-town feel to this vast nationwide community. You cheer the others on as they finalize their paperwork, receive their referral phone calls and so on. I can't imagine going through this process without this list and the amazing group of women who accompany it. To try and describe the friendships I've made through this little 'ole excel spreadsheet would never do justice, as they are beyond friendships. These women are now sisters and part of our family. What in the world did adopting families do before the internet? (that's for another post, another time)

So yes, that elephant...

Scrolling from the top of this list (chronologically) through to the families who received their referrals a month after us, there is only one empty blank. We are that blank. All other families have had their paperwork submitted and have received court dates. As of Friday, our paperwork still hasn't been submitted. *stomach flipping*

Many have asked how we're doing, while I'm sure others are secretly thinking 'Well, THAT can't be good'. Believe me, if I was on the outside looking in, I would be thinking the same thing! Our caseworker has been awesome and keeping communication open with Belay, who assures us all is fine and within the expected timeframe. This reassures me for a minute, until I view the list again and that lonely little blank morphs into a seizure inducing neon blinking Golden Nugget casino sign flashing "Uh-oh Uh-oh". Yes, a solution would be to stop viewing the list - but I can't. So much is happening so fast with other families right now. These are families we've traveled this journey with from the beginning. I'm not about to miss this part! This is the time to celebrate.

So to recap, we're not nervous yet. We're currently still in a place to beat the clock for the inevitable rainy season. (we need to pass court before the courts close for rainy season in August or we don't travel until they reopen in early October). That's what all the fuss/rush is about here.

I would say an accurate description is pending-nervousness. The call that either gives an update, a paperwork confirmation or a court date will obviously wane this pending state. No news at all...will likely raise our level to "I think it's time to be nervous."

Ahhh, the wait continues. I thought waiting for our referral was going to be the hard part, but heard from families that this part is a bit rougher. Waiting for court has been a much different kind of wait. It has brought a sense of calm because we can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator. He's no longer the 'unknown'. The hard part though? We can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator!

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

You're Invited to a Shower Today...

...and tomorrow and the day after.

Please celebrate with us in sending Heidi off to Addis in style by sharing your advice, tips and lighting a candle. Heidi has been a one-woman support system for so many of us, while enduring her own journey to her wonderful boys. That journey takes it's final turn on Tuesday as Heidi and Mark fly off to Ethiopia.

Please stop by, drop a comment and join the party!
http://celebratingheidi.blogspot.com/

Also celebrating this weekend is this lovely lady who received her referral and has seen the image of her BEAUTIFUL little boy!

Lots of love to my girls!!!

Okay, I'm writing this while traveling and am sure to lose my connection at any moment so off I go.

Baby N, Meet Mommy & Daddy

Our little guy is about to have his first glimpse into the sights and sounds of his mom and dad (scent too, but that's for another post)
caution: unintentional product endorsements follow

The great thing about this community (yes, here I go again - sorry) is how close-knit and supportive complete strangers are with each other in this world of international adoption. Through blogs and online forums, families reach out asking "Who is traveling soon? We just got our referral and would like to send a small package to our child." (and then the traveling family packs your care package and personally delivers it upon landing in Ethiopia)

Okay, they ask a lot of things - this being the most common 'favor' and the one we're about to ask at the end of this week once our care package is ready. The most touching public forum conversation I read was a woman posting that she just received word her child was admitted to the hospital in Ethiopia. She needed/wanted to send some medicine with a traveling family asap. Many families offered, but weren't traveling for another week or two. Then a family wrote that they were leaving in two days; no time for the mother to mail them the medicine. The solution? The traveling mother asked "What medicine is it and what care center is your child in? I can pick it up locally tonight and throw it in our bags. We'll drop it as soon as we land in Addis."

That was something I read many months ago and it impressed me like nothing has impressed me before. I decided right then that I love these people and I want to do the same for another family when we travel.

Yes, back to the Sights & Sounds. Have I mentioned how easily distracted I am lately?

The Sights...
I am loving the Sassy brand. Everything is plastered with bold bright colors & patterns to keep the attention of an infant/toddler. This little number below is a photo album that holds seven 4.25" x 6" photos and a mini shot on the front. Each page is tabbed in a contrasting bold color that encourages the child to interact and use their fine motor skills by flipping the pages. We snagged this at Buy Buy Baby for under $6 and stuffed it full of couple shots and then individual shots of us. It's safe for babies 3+ months. We put a little shot of Baby N on the cover so his caregiver knows it's his book.

The Sounds...
Yes, bedtime stories from afar. Kai will read a book using one side of the tape and I, the other. I read somewhere that this is a great method for your child to slowly become introduced to your voice, making for a smoother recognition/bonding the day he meets (and hears) us as we enter his care center in Addis. Who knows if this helps, but it certainly can't hurt and if anything, it's an entertaining way for him to fall asleep each night. We're hoping his caregiver plays along and will play this for him as he goes to bed each night. I've heard such amazing things about the caregivers and am certain anything that assists the children is something they're game for.

We had to search for this little device. The more common models have all gone digital and start at $100+ at retail. Crazy price for something we'll use once for recording. Staples has the microcassette old school models for $30 (including one cassette & the batteries).

A Vintage Post

Last year at this time, a picture of me under a sea 'o paperwork appeared on our blog.

There have been such little spurts of action, that when we now hit a realistic lull during our wait it just feels like things are dragging. The slow period the call it.


Well, when I look back at some of our first posts I realize how quickly (did I say quickly?) we've reached our current position and the strides made along the way. We've been at this for over a year and I honestly couldn't see it happening any faster for our family.

I'm giving a little shout-out here to our agency, Gladney, for being so __________ (insert all synonyms of absolutely incredible here). Words don't describe how helpful, professional, genuine, proactive and on & on they have been to this point.

We're nowhere near done with our process, having the biggest waits yet to come. However, reaching the unofficial #3 spot is a good time for reflection on the current state of the union. All is good.

And I didn't even mention the amazing ladies I've through this process. Many who will now be lifelong friends. The important stuff in life doesn't happen overnight.

Now, come on court dates & referrals!!!

Happy Friday to all :)

Passing the Time

I just received a fabulous award from an oh-so-fabulous woman.

Upon accepting, it entails answering the below questions with one word answers and passing along. I never realized, but I am a one-word-only challenged lady.

1. Where is your cell phone? Ottoman

2. Your hair? Red

3. Your mother? Strong

4. Your father? Charming

5. Your favorite food? Sushi

6. Your dream last night? Travel

7. Your favorite drink? Malbec

8. Your dream / goal? Motherhood

9. What room are you in? Living

10. Your hobby? Sewing

11. Your fear? Tornado

12. Where do you want to be in six years? Happy

13. Where were you last night? Working

14. Something that you aren't? Pessimist

15. Muffins? Carrot

16. Wish list item? Referral!

17. Where did you grow up? Pennsylvania

18. Last thing you did? Design

19. What are you wearing? Slippers

20. Your TV? BBC

21. Your pets? None

22. Friends? Love!

23. Your life? Rocks

24. Your mood? Goofy

25. Missing someone? Niko

26. Vehicle? Taaaaaxi!

27. Something your not wearing? Make-up

28. Your favorite store? Zappos

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. What was the last time you laughed? Lunch

31. Last time you cried? Hmmmmm…

32. Your best friend? Kai

33. One place that I could go over and over? Spain

34. One person who emails you regularly? Sis

35. Favorite place to eat? Los Gatos

I'm passing this along to the four newest families making the leap over to the Wait List tab on the FBI list.

Welcome Gladney Girls!

Heather

Layla

Anna

Laura

Heidi Got "The Call"

pa⋅tience - /pey-shuhns/:

an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

This is huge. Imagine Breaking News interupting your fave show and then another even bigger Breaking News interupts the first one. Yup.

These folks have been on The Waitlist for 1 Year, 3 Weeks and 4 Days. That doesn't include anything prior to Waitlist such as fingerprinting, applications, homestudy, medicals and so on which can take an average of six months before even reaching the Waitlist stage.

Heidi and Mark requested siblings. There is no reference point for the wait time for siblings, as there is for example the very commonly requested infant 0-12 months - which is now at an estimated 7.5 months. It's not that anything went wrong. The wait is just completely unpredictable for siblings because of everything involved.

Everyone in the Gladney and Ethiopian adoption world knows them. Families they friended from the beginning stages continued to move forward, receive referrals, pass court, travel and bring their children home. Meanwhile, Heidi & Mark waited. and waited. and waited some more.

The flipside for all of us coming through the channels as poor Heidi sat there? We all reaped the benefits of Heidi's wait, as she welcomed each of us with a huge heart and open arms. She's offered all of us so much comfort, advice and warm words of support as we've all faced our own hurdles and have come to know her family's story.

It's now our time to give back some of that support and you can already see the love pouring in. They currently have 69 comments to their blog post announcing their referral. (an average blogger receives 0-10'ish comments)

Heidi is a force and I don't say this lightly. It takes a very special person to remain as focused, as positive and as supportive as she did during her wait.

The best part? Heidi was my first blog friend.
What more could a girl ask for? You couldn't have a more suited mentor for such a rollercoaster journey as international adoption.

The outcome of The Call? They are soon to be the proud parents of TWIN boys - 28 months old!!!!! I can't wait and am so excited to meet them!

read the details here

It's a GREAT referral story and what happens when you get The Call when least expecting it.

On behalf of all your Gladney Girls, we heart YOU Heidi!

The Wait, The Girls, The Gifts and The Gab

Four topics. Can you tell today is a scattered day?

I've read it's part of The Wait. My mind is all over the place. If there was a word holding a stronger meaning than stalker, it would apply to me. The only constant in my scatteredness is the FBI list. I'm now checking multiple times a day to see who is getting court dates, who is passing court and who is getting referrals. That of course segways straight to checking every blog to get updates on all the families. Oh boy.

My heart goes out to the families who have not passed, but I'm hopeful since new dates have been scheduled already. Sometimes when I read these families' posts, I realize how strong they are. It's all of us yet to reach their stage who sound so heartbroken in our comments to them. I think as you reach each stage in this process, you're becoming more and more prepared for your stage, knowing it will all come together. Your eyes are open to the fact there are bumps and nobody is immune to them.

I've mentioned the strong bond of the Gladney Girls (and I don't mean to disregard the men in this equation). It just happens that the majority of those writing are the women. We're all going through such a unique experience together. These are now bonds that will always exist (and all you men will meet each other on the inevitable playdates!).

Another thing during The Wait is you're never really sure what you should be doing. Reading? Decorating? Redecorating? Moving things? Buying things?

Today, I'll address buying things. My mother & sister sent us so much clothing, shoes, bibs, sheets and things along those lines that we decided we're fine. The crib will be in our possession in February. That does it then - we're absolutely fine! We'll just ask for books.

Bad move. You know why? We don't have ANYTHING!!! People kept telling us to register and apparently there is a reason. I've received sample lists from friends trying to gently guide us. Well, I can tell you that after looking at all these things, we are headed for a registry asap. Who knew all this stuff existed? And I'm not talking "stuff" for the sake of having "stuff". (I despise excess) Books are very important and we're not neglecting that thought, but there have been some major developments in the children's department that we will happily be partaking in.

In the meantime, I wait by reading about Ethiopia, Africa and adoption.

Month 3 on the Wait List

Yes, more numbers. Unfortunately, I think all posts from now until travel time will include some form of a count down.

And today's number children, is the number three. We were officially placed on the Wait List three months ago today, on 7/10/09. I say officially because it was documented on paper with our agency on that day.

All this recent bumping up to the next place in line is UNofficial because it has nothing to do with our agency's wait list records. The unofficial numbers are all calculcated by us, the blogging adoption world. And this great database is maintained by an amazing woman who maintains the FBI (Forensic Blogging Initiative); all for the sole purpose of our need to know what everyone else is doing, what position we're currently holding and how we're each handling our current status. It is a wonderful thing!

Tam recently referred to us as The Gladney Girls, which I personally think should stick. Gladney is our agency and we're all following every move the other one makes. Of course there are families without blogs because they want to remain a bit more private. How dare they! (just kidding)

So for the rest of the Gladney Girls letting it all hang out and spilling every neuroses to the world wide web, I tip my hat to you and thank you for making the first three months of our wait that much more bearable.

We are now #12!!!

I gasped yesterday and went into full blog stalking mode as I read Tam's post. It referenced all the referrals & movement on the unofficial Wait List. I had no idea! Normally, I follow the Yahoo Ethiopia/Gladney group to find out about families receiving their referrals. I don't check the FBI (the unofficial list) regularly. That is certainly changing.

Last week I noticed a very long lull on the Yahoo group and wondered if something was up with my computer. How can nobody be posting? It turns out I missed a whole lot...Rebecca & Colin got "The Call" for a 7 week old girl, Robyn received a referral for a 2.5 month old little boy, Shawn accepted their referral of a 2 month old little girl and another family got "The Call" for their 10 month old little girl (they don't have a blog).

I posted their links so everyone else can check out "The Call" posts. They are my absolute favorite of this whole process. "The Call" post is the one that describes the moment the waiting family receives their referral call from their caseworker. No matter who you are, it seems to turn your world upside down with utter bliss. So much so, that it seems most families forget every detail once the caseworker says "I have a referral for you. Are you near a computer?".

We're sending a huge congratulations to all of you who just received your referrals and wishing you a quick court process to get over there and bring your babies home.

Now we just need Heidi & Mark to get their call for their siblings. Siblings can take a little longer, but they've been sitting at the #1 spot for quite some time and we're all rooting for this week to be the one. I can't imagine what we'll be like at that spot, based on how anxious I already am for another family. Between Facebook, her blog and the Yahoo group - we're all checking in daily for their news. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing?

I was Tagged

Before I even start this, I must apologize for taking eons to get around to my tagging replies. Heidi tagged me and then when I fell asleep on the job, Tam re-tagged me. It's a great way for everyone to take their minds off the issues at hand and also get to know each other.

My list consists of seven very light-hearted things about myself rather than anything too deep. I'm sure there will be plenty of time for the deep, dark & crazy side to come out as times get trying along the way. So here goes...

1. I like to keep our Christmas dishes handy all year. They’re a great way to make a humdrum Monday night dinner after a long day at work feel a bit more festive :)

2. I was called Rainbow Bright (among other things) by my oh-so-kind classmates in Jr. High when I dyed my hair orange, pink and purple. I should have listened to my mother and waited for a holiday break in order to get used to it, but instead I insisted on doing it on a Tuesday night after track practice with Beatrice. I was shocked by the response, thinking “How can they not think this is fabulous?” HA! (p.s. We had one red light where I grew up – no McDonalds, no movie theatres, no designer shops. This may help put things in perspective.)

3. I’m still in contact with my three best friends from second grade. We’re all spread out, leading very different lives but last year we made a point of having a girls weekend, which will hopefully continue. I’m also in touch with my first two friends from FIT whom I discovered Europe with for the first time (hence the never-fading travel bug). They’re all friendships that hold a special place, no matter how many more friends you meet later in life.

4. I have an unfortunate habit of getting locked in random places while traveling. To name a few…a fishing boat bathroom in Iceland, a dressing room in Rome, a bathroom in Tokyo and lastly, a bathroom along the Seine in Paris (this rescue mission topped the half hour mark). No idea.

5. A pet peeve: hearing the word literally being used incorrectly.

6. Method Man was filming his ‘Bring tha Pain” video in the courtyard of the apartment building I then shared with three roommates (one who was involved in the shoot). Unbeknownst to me, while I was out my closet became extra storage for the shoot. I awoke the next morning to a man standing at the foot of my bed staring at me. Now, at this time in my life I was NOT a morning person…I not-so-nicely asked “Who are you and what are you doing in my room?” I then stopped short, “Method Man?” He laughed and I continued my tirade as he left. I locked the door behind him and went back to sleep, waking later thinking it was all a dream. I laugh now whenever I hear anything WuTang related.

7. My name was suppose to be StarShine. Thank you dad for stepping in on that one! I still owe you.

And for those I'm tagging...I chose the newer families on the unofficial wait list. Welcome to the group!

Enright Family
Brian & Tracy
Travis & Shannon
Little Hoffman
Road to Adoption
Ted & Lori
Middlerageously