Slow Dance

My ladies-from-the-80s are sure to have at least one flashback moment of awkwardly going around and around in mindnumbing circles while your mind fast-forwards to thoughts of friends, your weekend plans, the next shopping trip or maybe just wondering - Will this dreadful dance ever end?

So, I've created a face for this wait for a court date and it's that of a big, boring slow dance. As I do the small talk and the fake smiles during this dance, with various update versions of 'no news is good news', my mind decides it needs a little more action and has moved forward with a self-created proactive approach. This slow dance is a little too monotonous for my liking and overall, quite the bore.

My proactive approach begins with heeding one's own advice. As I wonder what advice I would give to someone else in this pending stage, it would without a doubt be get busy. Get busy with all things that normally end up on the back burner. Take a deep look and try to envision the little crumbs of spare time in your very near future and...

1. clean the closets, fix the chip on the bookcase, sort & donate unused items that are taking up valuable space, paint that wall the color you love (not necessarily the one that blends), get the A/C tuned, filters changed, put those lingering photos in books with proper labels and on & on. You see where I'm going with this.

2. cooking/recipes
I've started hording recipes that appear to give me more time to play with Baby N when I get home from work and less time focusing on dinner. Kai has been the lucky (*sarcasm*) recipient of my finds. And yes, some have been followed by a quick pizza delivery. But I must say, this is the time to be trying out the new stuff.

3. gym/exercise
a) for the obvious health benefits and...
b) I'm totally serious here...so I can carry this guy around!!!! I was told once that I have 'Rolling Stone arms'. I'm not sure what that means, but it does paint a fairly accurate picture. I'm not a huge fan of the gym but I have ventured into a pretty good place right now and am building up the arms and back strength. The first thing traveling families reference when they report back is Baby N's shockingly large frame. I have taken this report seriously and will be ready :)

4. babybook/lifebook
BN's babybook arrived a couple of weeks ago and with each agency update, we've begun filling in the blanks. Loving this task! I've yet to begin a life book, but am having fun in the planning stage and researching others' ideas online.

5. packing lists for two trips
This is the fun part because it's a task directly related to bringing BN home! and yes, it includes Excel spreadsheets. :)

6. letter
I'm writing a private letter to BN that I'll share with him when he's much older.

7. daycare
We've researched daycare centers in our area, which I think I mentioned awhile ago. This is a great thing to do if you live in an area with various options. It's something that needs to be done if you plan on working and it also relates directly to your child, making you feel a strong sense of accomplishment and a little closer to him/her/them.

8. read
There isn't enough time to read everything out there that I feel I should. I see various books suggested through different sites and also from what others are reading and I want to read them all! Will I be a little more prepared with each book I read? Who knows??? I do know it's a very productive way to pass the time.

I can't think of any moment in my life that created a complete an undetermined halt of action. As we await a phone call that brings things back into motion, I think...What an opportunity this is to clean life's house! If I was ever the organized fool before, watch out now. No nook or cranny is off limits while I go round and round in this slow dance.

Feel free to add your own tips. I would love to add more to my list and I'm sure others would too.

The Power Ballad and You

This is definitely stretching it a bit, but I'm sick of the big loom lingering over all of us with the recent lull. There's nothing we can do about it so let's have a little fun.

What 80s power ballad fits your current state of mind? They're all about angst, waiting and fighting the odds - if it's true that misery loves company, the lyrics to these ballads may actually cheer us up! If you feel like joining in, post a few lyrics to your ballad.

No, this doesn't mean I'm content with the lull. I'm just ready for a non-thinking distraction that will hopefully generate some good replies that we can all laugh at with each other. Okay ladies, bring on your best 80s big-hair ballad...

P.S. If you're playing and didn't grow up in the 80s, please note that 'girl' in any ballad is equivalent to what we are all missing and looming over.

P.P.S. Whoever has the best ballad at the end (determined by other readers) will get a little tee for your kiddie with your band's logo on it. (I make them and have a closet full that need to be cleared out before our kiddie arrives)

Ours would be GnR's Patience...

(1..2...1,2,3,4)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience (inhale)
Patience...Ooh, oh, yeah

A Vintage Post

Last year at this time, a picture of me under a sea 'o paperwork appeared on our blog.

There have been such little spurts of action, that when we now hit a realistic lull during our wait it just feels like things are dragging. The slow period the call it.


Well, when I look back at some of our first posts I realize how quickly (did I say quickly?) we've reached our current position and the strides made along the way. We've been at this for over a year and I honestly couldn't see it happening any faster for our family.

I'm giving a little shout-out here to our agency, Gladney, for being so __________ (insert all synonyms of absolutely incredible here). Words don't describe how helpful, professional, genuine, proactive and on & on they have been to this point.

We're nowhere near done with our process, having the biggest waits yet to come. However, reaching the unofficial #3 spot is a good time for reflection on the current state of the union. All is good.

And I didn't even mention the amazing ladies I've through this process. Many who will now be lifelong friends. The important stuff in life doesn't happen overnight.

Now, come on court dates & referrals!!!

Happy Friday to all :)

Passing the Time

I just received a fabulous award from an oh-so-fabulous woman.

Upon accepting, it entails answering the below questions with one word answers and passing along. I never realized, but I am a one-word-only challenged lady.

1. Where is your cell phone? Ottoman

2. Your hair? Red

3. Your mother? Strong

4. Your father? Charming

5. Your favorite food? Sushi

6. Your dream last night? Travel

7. Your favorite drink? Malbec

8. Your dream / goal? Motherhood

9. What room are you in? Living

10. Your hobby? Sewing

11. Your fear? Tornado

12. Where do you want to be in six years? Happy

13. Where were you last night? Working

14. Something that you aren't? Pessimist

15. Muffins? Carrot

16. Wish list item? Referral!

17. Where did you grow up? Pennsylvania

18. Last thing you did? Design

19. What are you wearing? Slippers

20. Your TV? BBC

21. Your pets? None

22. Friends? Love!

23. Your life? Rocks

24. Your mood? Goofy

25. Missing someone? Niko

26. Vehicle? Taaaaaxi!

27. Something your not wearing? Make-up

28. Your favorite store? Zappos

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. What was the last time you laughed? Lunch

31. Last time you cried? Hmmmmm…

32. Your best friend? Kai

33. One place that I could go over and over? Spain

34. One person who emails you regularly? Sis

35. Favorite place to eat? Los Gatos

I'm passing this along to the four newest families making the leap over to the Wait List tab on the FBI list.

Welcome Gladney Girls!

Heather

Layla

Anna

Laura

Ups & Eccchs

I'm making a conscious effort right now to be a more timely-blogger. Through the rest of our journey, I will make every attempt to not let it slip in excess of a week, like now. It takes a lot of mind-energy to get back in the flow. I feel like I need to list a diary of events in order to catch up for the past week and that's no fun for anyone, especially the reader!

So, to recap I'll simply highlight the ups & not-so-ups; some adoption-related and some not.

Ech: The waitlist crew have all set their sights on a 7.2 month average wait time. That was the trend with our agency at the time of our last conference call prior to the holidays. Well, the new conference call happened this week and we're all back up to an 8 month average wait. Boo.

Up: Our artist, Phoenix, won a Grammy!!!! Yay. Yay. Yay. If you're not familiar with them, I'm sure you've heard them in one of the gazillion Cadillac commercials currently running.

Up: Sticking with the musical theme, Cyndi Lauper was in the office today. I LOOOOVE Ms. Lauper. Who doesn't? Seeing someone like her just makes me smile and makes life seem fun and light. Nice aura to have!

Ech: Not to harp on this conference call business, but...something was mentioned that I wasn't aware of nor have I read about this before (and I have done a TON of research).

Children are available for adoption because they are either a) relinquished - parent(s)/living family member(s) willingly give their child(ren) to the orphanage or b) they are abandoned (self-explanatory). That we knew.

What we didn't know is that abandoned children are named by the police officer who writes up their case when taken into the station. After hearing this a few days ago, it still isn't sitting well with us and has taken us aback. Our intention was to take our son's Ethiopian name as his middle name. The whole purpose was because of its meaning and to keep part of our child's past with him forever. Knowing what we know now, I'm not sure we want that. I'm not sure he would. I don't know. We don't know. My middle name is after my maternal grandmother and it's comforting to know that. I wouldn't want that name if I knew a police officer, aka stranger, selected it. Has anyone else faced this and hesitated? not hesitated at all? Should our son be referred to us as an abandoned case, we may be considering a different Ethiopian name.

I would love to hear others' thoughts/experience on this topic. I already want to protect this little guy whom I've never met and do what's right on his behalf. Hmmmm...

And to end on an Up...our nephew thoroughly enjoying his day at Chelsea Piers. The genuine happiness that bouncing brings to a four year old's world! I'm seriously jealous.

Nursery Ideas

The adoption packet does not come with a timeline of when to start thinking about a nursery. I think we all just follow the other's lead on this one. Cross your fingers that you have a proactive mom-to-be in your newfound sisterhood of the adoptive bloggers! It's not uncommon to receive your referral and have nothing prepared.

It's also something you don't want to rush; seeming over anxious or the horrible feeling of jinxing something. Ours is more of a practical decision at this point. Referrals are flying around like crazy right now. We have family coming in for Christmas. We live in a condo where maximizing the use of space is crucial. So, our plan is to begin the nursery this weekend with a 12/26 eta for completion. "Completion" really means = enough floor space cleared away to throw down an air mattress. (our twin nephews are coming in and want to assist with the final touches)

I'm staying away from a themed nursery and am leaning in the direction of color & pattern. Mixing colors that will stimulate his mind, yet hopefully not keep him awake! Bold patterns to grab his attention will be used in the fabrics. I have an idea of the outcome in my head, but that's never the end result. The little surprises along the way usually work in your favor, changing the final style to one even better than imagined. Here's to hoping that's the case!!!

Our starting point is the black & white bedding and then throwing in some bold patterned fabrics I've picked up along the way. I also saw this great fixture for the ceiling that includes different sized balls in contrasting color and texture. This is perfect for a ceiling focal point for him while in the crib or playing on the floor. I'm definitely looking into recreating this in some way.

In case anyone else needs some inspiration, there are some great bits here...
DesignDazzle and ApartmentTherapy

So many things can be recreated to fit within your own style. Sometimes the hardest bit is the starting point.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving...

It's been awhile since my last post. So long in fact, that many important dates have passed that would have otherwise been addressed...Thanksgiving, World Aids Day, court dates, referrals and recent updates to name a few.

I'll keep it simple by wishing everyone a belated Thanksgiving and give a little recap of our holiday. I say holiday because we took the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving away as our pre-adoption vacation. You all know the one...the one that has more significance than any trip you've ever taken because the next time you board a plane with your passport, it will be to pick up your child(ren).

At the beginning of our paperwork phase, someone (I forget who, but I thank them from the bottom of my heart) suggested planning a trip that would fall in the middle of the "wait list" period. It would serve as a very attractive alternative point of focus from the ritual of stalking blogs and watching the unofficial wait list creep along. They said a getaway would also do wonders for your thought process for the transition and ups & downs that come with international adoption.

hmmm....okay. Who am I to turn down a trip suggestion, considering the benefits we'll reap afterwards? Done. In February, I booked an apartment in Barcelona for Thanksgiving. We only needed to use 3.5 vacation days, yet 10 days of vacation time were ours! Woohoo!

And the best part? Kai's family are big travelers and joined us the second we mentioned it. There may not have been turkey on our table, but there was plenty of family, fun and paella to go around!

Now, as someone who has made it a ritual to blog-stalk and continually press refresh on the unofficial FBI list a bazillion times daily, this trip was therapeutic on many levels. No computers, no blogging and the obvious distractions to real-life when being on vacation made for a wonderful, refreshing break.

It doesn't matter where you go, but a break is a good thing at this stage in the game.

p.s. My friend, Heidi, had the most wonderful post on World Aids Day. I couldn't say it better. Please check it out here.

What to do during The Wait?

Our first two months on the Wait List have passed fairly quickly. I think a lot is due to our timing falling at the end of summer when we both tend to have hearty calendars. So as we move into the fall and winter, we'll be hunkering down with eyes & minds fixated on those ahead of us on the unofficial wait list. It's standard practice for those in the early wait (like us) to root and cheer for those at the top of the list as they receive their referrals, court dates and the best part...travel dates to pick up the kiddies.

It is any day now that our very first blog friend will receive their referral for siblings. ANY day! That means carrying your cell everywhere you go at every moment of the day awaiting the 817 area code to appear. No matter where I am, I will be letting out a joyous scream for them when I read they got 'the call'. Oooo - I have goosebumps already!

In order to not wearout my welcome as a blog-stalker to others, I thought it would be constructive to have a back-up plan. And the list-lover that I am, I jotted down everything that flooded my head when I asked, "What needs to be done before we become a family of three?"

The results...

1. get loose photos into albums
2. create the nursery - slowly to stretch it out
3. move the family office
4. learn to knit (a baby blanket is the goal)
5. begin baby's lifebook
6. build a solidly stocked child's library
7. learn basic Amharic
8. reach out to more NY'ers who have adopted from Ethiopia
9. paint the hallway
10. re-do master bathroom/sink
11. kitchen backsplash installed (tiles are still sitting on the floor)
12. reorganize downstairs storage closet...making room for tricycle, stroller, carseat & all the bits :)
13. find a big fat plush rug for baby's room to cover hardwood floor
14. add a class at the gym (I need to be in shape for this little guy)
15. renew passport
16. maintain regular contact with blog friends (easy peezy!)
17. follow & support new families entering the adoption world
18. continue to assist with the humanitarian division of our agency
19. assist in the launch of a humanitarian project at work
20. read, read, read

Month Two

Yay!

Today is the anniversary of our second month on the wait list. As you can tell, we're still in the excited, naive stage of waiting. Check back on month 8 and you may sense a different tone to our blog!

According to Merriam-Webster, the official meaning of naive is marked by unaffected simplicity. Check. That's currently us.

So let's jump ahead to our anticipated state of being in six month's time. Their definition of stressball... painful uneasiness of mind. Sounds plausible.

And what are we doing on our second anniversary? Well, call us crazy but coincidentally we are meeting with a preschool this morning. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I must preface this by saying we are not doing this to ensure our child is locked into a college prep daycare with yoga and french lessons prior to age two. (That one is already booked...ha!)

The real reason is because things operate a lot differently in the NYC area compared to other parts of the country. Where I grew up, it was very normal to just "sign on" for school during the month or two prior to school starting. Fortunately (and unfortunately) there are a plethora of options where we currently live and if your school of choice is not narrowed down in advance, you will miss the window of opportunity of getting your child on their wait list. (yes, one more wait in this process!) School wait lists can vary from 6 months to 18 months. So when you do the math, we're actually in the window now of creating our short list. And believe me, it feels just as crazy to us. However, it's certainly something that makes our waiting time a bit easier.

Happy Birthday to you...Happy Bithday to you...

Happy Birthday, dear Kaaaa-iiiii. Happy Birthday to you!

We started with a little birthday coffee to get going and are heading out shortly for some birthday croissants on our morning birthday walk. Skipping ahead to the pm, a seafood dinner is in our future which will conclude the birthday celebrations. (and there may be a little birthday US Open squeezed in there too)

I would also like to give a shout out to Poppy, who is turning 90 today! We'll see you next weekend at the festivities. Also, our nephew Ryan is celebrating his big day today. Enjoy!

On this day in history, 9/6/1970, Jimi Hendrix held his last concert.

A few more notes of interest to this decade...

• the Billboard #1 song was "War" by Edwin Starr
• Richard Nixon was President (and met with Elvis in 1970)
• The Mary Tyler Moore show premieres on CBS (9/70)
• Top Box Office Movie was Love Story
• a loaf of bread cost $0.58
• NYC subway fare was $.30
• average college tuition $3,500 (MIT highest at $10k+)
• cost of a new home $26k+
• IBM introduces the "Floppy" disk for storage
• Frank Zappa, Miles Davis and Blood Sweat and Tears are top performers
• New words: preppie, hassle, fast-food, rip-off, Fortran, blahs, put down
• Top Selling Fiction: Love Story, Erich Segal
• Top Selling NonFiction: Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex but Were Afraid To Ask, David Reuben, M.D.
• Fashion/Art: mood rings, string art, leisure suits, bellbottoms, pet rocks and disco

Happy Bday!!!...xoxo

Pocket-size Peppers & Family

Many months ago I posted a note that I was planting vegetables with the hopes of expanding our garden next year to include eggplant, blueberries and grapes, I believe. Well because I'm the person who always finds the silver lining, I will just say that Kai & I grow the cutest vegetables EVER. They may not be the most robust peppers in the group, but they are without a doubt, the most adorable.

I can also say that it's a good thing for Kai that we don't live in an area or time that holds the 'living off the land' platform. Poor thing would be wasting away to nothing if that was the case. I must admit though that our lunch yesterday was THE BEST pizza we've ever made. A whole lot of that had to do with the fact it included all the little guys featured above, who came straight from our balcony. And all were topped with fresh mozzarella.

As good as they were, our tomatoes will never taste as good as my grandparents'. Their garden was bigger than our entire house and backyard combined. My grandpa & I would pick fresh tomatoes and beans, bring them inside to grandma who would then slice, dice & season. All of this on the side of a fresh macaroni salad with sun-brewed ice tea from the yard. OMG - amazing!

In fact, when I told my g-ma that we were growing our own tomato plants, her first question was "Oh, so you're going to start canning?" At which point I burst into immediate laughter. I don't have the heart to show her the size of our tomatoes. I think the fact that we have to include a quarter to show relative size in our photos says it all. It's so much fun though - and the best part is that they're growing like crazy! Not bigger...just a whole slew of them all this size.

On another note, more book reviews coming soon. I finished two more, but have issues with my camera (hence, the vegetable post)

Lastly, I joined a gym and am completely rocking it out. This is the first time (and there have been MANY gyms in my past) that I'm excited when I get there and am already looking forward to the next time as I exit. A huge inspiration was our last visit to Kai's parents. My mother in law is in amazing shape and exudes the healthy glow so many strive for. I realized then that I need to get in gear. If she can fit the gym & dance classes into her schedule, ANYONE can. So...no more excuses.
I'm lovin' it!

One Month on the Wait List

Yesterday, 8/10/09, marked one month on the official Wait List. I still don't know if this term is one word or two. Maybe it's hyphenated. For the purposes of our blog today, I will list it as two with each being capitalized...and for no reason at all, I will use the italic feature.

So the stand-out moment over the past two weeks has to be (free) floor seats to AC/DC and seeing Angus' sweat, smile and talent so up close and personal that I thought my head blew off my body when the techs set off the confetti cannon. Little did I know, it was strategically positioned directly under the stage on our side and programmed loud enough to be heard in the upper deck of Giants Stadium. I think my earplugs landed three seats to my left. A good time was had by all.

Okay, back to the adoption world...my follow up appointment for travel shots was at 8:30am today. When I had my initial Hep A shot in February, I was instructed to make the follow up for sometime in August. Sometime in August?! That's six months away - two full seasons from now!!! That was one of the moments I realized what a long and winding road lies ahead.

So, it's now August. Today's travel shots included: Polio and the second/final Hep A with a prescription for Typhoid. The Typhoid prescription consists of a refrigerated medication taken every other day for 8 days. October brings round three: Yellow Fever, Meningitis and Tetanus. Because Addis Ababa is not a high risk Malaria zone, my doctor suggested having a Malaria prescription on hand but only to take if necessary. You see, if we are fortunate enough to receive any information on the baby's birth village and/or family - we most definitely plan to visit that area and/or family. It's very possible that village is in a remote area far from Addis, which may require the meds.

To note for families reading this for informational purposes for their current or upcoming adoptions...These vaccines are not crucial to do so early in the Wait List process. Some families get their vaccines much closer to their travel dates. On the advice of our doctors, we began our vaccines early. If for no other reason than to simply avoid sore arms and a pile of side effects close to our travel date, should any effects occur at all.

World Football Challenge

Today will be a fun day. I mentioned previously that we are big (B-I-G) football/soccer fans. When we were about a month into the adoption process we heard rumors of The World Football Challenge coming to town - (well, to six lucky towns across the U.S.). The teams: Inter-Milan, AC Milan, Chelsea and Club America were also rumored to be bringing their first-team guys to play. (fyi to the non-soccer fans - that's monumental)

After being advised by multiple reliable sources to do everything adult-friendly possible during Wait List phase to a) pass the time and to b) take our minds off the entire process while we have adult-only time remaining in our lives...we are doing just that! So, as an anniversary gift to each other, we snapped up amazing seats to the game closest to NYC, booked a hotel and took a vacation day from work.

So, this morning we are headed to Inner Harbor Baltimore to see Kai's favorite team (Chelsea) and an ex-Barcelona (my team) player, Ronaldinho. Hopefully we'll have some time to grab some crabs and check out a bit of the area before heading to the game (8pm, I think).

Our soccer-loving twin nephews caught the game in Atlanta on Wedesday and are still talking about it. For the past three years, Kai & I have been buying them jersey/short sets from their favorite players in the Euro leagues, so they were well armed on the wardrobe front for their game. It also took their mom two days to get them out of the little uniforms after the game. Their excitement has now spread to our house!

Tomorrow morning we head to DC where we'll spend the remainder of the weekend with Kai's family. Yes, a very good time is in our very near future.