IT'S THE SISTER AGAIN!!!!

Hello everyone. I just received a message from Tamara. She wanted me to satisfy everyone's curiosity with an update. They officailly have His passport and visa in hand and are ready to head home on Tuesday. He is everything they thought he would be, and more, much, much more!!!!! He is crawling now and pulling himself up at the kitchen table. Tamara said they can tell he is really sensing his freedom and space, and exploring it ALL, FULL SPEED!!!!!

They toured the government orphanages yesterday. It was very emotional and sad for their group to witness such need coming from these tiny babies. The group gathered bottles, diapers, etc. and began feeding, holding, rocking, and talking to the helpless little ones.

They are very sleep deprived right now.....I tried to tell her!!!!!! Tamara and Kai are relishing in the moment and thoroughly enjoying every single second of parenthood. They will be home early next week....and I for one, can't wait....I have waited for YEARS for my sister to become a mother and the moment is finally here....

I will post more as I receive phone calls, messages, and emails....Take care everyone!!!

ZZZzzzzzz...

Niko and the muscle of his 22lb self (not too shabby for a 9 month old) has completely overpowered, conquered and planted his flag in what were previously two fully functioning adults.

We decided to take placement within a few hours of landing, which was Tuesday afternoon. Some suggested we wait a day to at least put a dent in our jetlag but we were too excited and agreed to same day placement. (I now lightly suggest what the others suggested to us!) Niko arrived sound asleep with us waiting in the driveway with the other (AMAZING) families who are also staying at the guesthouse, all armed with videos & cameras. He was trying to take in the new surroundings when things became a bit overwhelming for him and the tears appeared. We spent the rest of the evening in our room walking him, playing, talking, holding but nothing really helped take the fear away that still showed in his face. It was the worst feeling. He just looked so helpless and so very scared. He finally fell asleep in our arms with his bottle and continued hourly cries throughout the night.

And then...in the middle of the chaos he woke up and was ready to ROLL!!! He was smiling and ready to play! Of course we obliged :)

Yesterday, we were all pretty out of it but things are moving in a much more positive direction. After our coffee ceremony where we met Niko's Special Mother, we all came home and took an hour nap together and later had our first bath, which went well. He's now getting wound up again (he's in FULL discovery mode) so I'm going to run but will post more later.

I'll try to do quick updates with full trip details when we return.

Off We Go!

the face that awaits us

As I write this, I'm sipping on the fabulous coffee that only Ethiopia can produce and I hear Kai in the background packing his bags. He just yelled from the bedroom that he would like the bag of diapers we're taking to the orphanage be used on the return trip solely for more coffee, as he plans to bring home as much as possible without raising a red flag at customs upon our return through JFK. Funny, because I was just thinking the same thing. I yell back, "but of course!"

After exploring, trekking and seeing the ins and outs of Addis on trip one, our return trip feels like we're returning to old friends in a way. It's hard to describe, but it's definitely on the warm & fuzzy tip. Almost like a little kid who gets homesick at camp and gets an early exit ticket home. And the best part is knowing what lies ahead on this trip. I can't begin to put it into words, so I'll stick to the logistics.

This is the hunker-down-round with the majority of our time being spent at the guest house with Niko. (that just makes me want to burst) Our plan is to take placement shortly after our Tuesday arrival, meaning someone from the staff will bring Niko to our guest house around 3pm local time on Tuesday. (possibly a little later because I think he takes a 1pm nap)

We're staying at Bejoe which offers sooo much for what a new family needs. All bedrooms have a bathroom, crib if needed, high speed internet on location, laundry, communal kitchen, livingroom, nice yard and the best part? Caregivers are on hand if you need assistance and they are familiar with all the children and the children know them from being in the Gladney care centers. What a great transition for both child and parent.

So, of course Niko's bag was packed first (ours are still works in progress). It wasn't easy packing for him. There were many calls to The Mother who offered greatly needed advice. In addition to the in-country bag, a separate bag is packed for his plane ride home.

the clothes he will wear

Long ago, I read a tip that I printed and stuffed into the "When We Travel" folder. It was from an adoptive mother who also had a long flight home. She created 10 one-gallon size Ziploc bags, each with: a not-fancy outfit (no onesies), socks and a Huggies overnight pamper. They all went in one zipped carry bag with a carry-size packet of wipes. This was in the event her baby faced the very common bout of bad-tummy, to put it mildly. It's a no-thought process now. Grab the wipes and a baggie and head to the bathroom. The new outfit goes on while the dirty one gets sealed in the Ziploc, thrown in the bag and all will get tossed upon departure.

Also packed for the plane are toys, snacks, blankets, a stuffed toy, teethers, food, bottles, formula and a carrier. We've also packed a bundle of earplugs for our neighbors sitting nearby. Another tip from a mother making this journey suggested offering earplugs to fellow passengers. She said it worked like a charm. She let them know her baby may cry (or may not) but in the event he does, this is her little bit of peace to them. All were very respectful, even offering assistance when she needed it.

the place he will dine

So, upon our return I'll let you know what really happened and how these plans all panned out in 'real life'. You can probably tell by now, I'm a bit anxious about the flight home!

Okay, so I must stop yapping now and get back to what's at hand here. We leave tomorrow and our to-list isn't getting done with me blogging and drinking my fabulous coffee! For some reason, I couldn't log onto our blog from Ethiopia on our last trip, but will try to update via Facebook. My sister may jump in again too. (thanks Man!)

The next few days and weeks are going to be ones we will forever remember. On one hand this is so very hard to get one's head around, while it also feels so natural.

I just want to stop anticipating and DO. To be with him and start this journey.

Update: File Has Been Found!!!

There have been a few heroes along our journey and today I'm adding a new one to our list and will simply refer to her as Ms. M.

Ms. M is one of the many employees in one of the many feds' offices we've contacted since hearing the news last Wednesday that we may not travel to pick up our son. Turns out, Ms M is a grandmother of not one, but two, adopted grandchildren. She's in the know. She gets it. And...she's a government official in the very department we need an advocate right now. We bow down to her.

About an hour ago, we received an update from the NH office that our file has been located, is being entered into the U.S. system and will be processed to Addis within the next 24-48 hours.

Ms M,
We thank you and our family thanks you. We are forever grateful.

I am now going to bed and plan to sleep for eight *gasp* hours. Yes, I really am.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Niko turns nine months old today. Instead of cupcakes and sweets, which will be the obvious treat for all future birthdays once his little toes touch down on U.S. soil, I spent most of yesterday with some good 'ole fashioned nuts & bolts for the immune system. We now have enough pureed mango/banana, sweet potatoes and carrots for twenty five meals.

I had hoped this would be the weekend we spent in a giddy-fog as we packed Niko's homecoming bag, our bags, some more donation items for the orphanage and ran the final errands before flying out next Sunday. As more bits came in from various sources this weekend, our odds of flying have significantly dropped. In turn, our personal efforts have spiked in equal value.

I am headed to our congressman's office this morning on my way to work. Should our file not be scanned by end of day today, I'll be heading to New Hampshire either tonight or tomorrow morning to sit in their office and await some personal attention. It was confirmed late Friday that this is where our updated file (remember the lovely Officer? This is where she sent it) is most likely sitting in the mailroom awaiting scan & upload into the National Visa Processing system. Yes, it may be a shot in the dark but we're running out of shots here and I'll take what we can get. The senator's office will also be getting involved today, as they are already in the loop and willingly offered assistance.

I must also say that we've faced zero resistance from anyone who ends up hearing our situation. Everyone is accomodating and onboard to offer whatever help they can. If the person at the front desk of this office follows suit, we may see a positive outcome after all.

To recap, once our file is scanned in the U.S. system it will be cabled (emailed) to the embassy in Addis, Ethiopia for our scheduled embassy appointment (8/5) . We're told this can take from one day to weeks to appear. We don't have weeks.

It's a risk, but at this point it's likely one of us will be flying if our scan makes it into the U.S. system but doesn't reach Ethiopia. The reason...there are still four days it COULD arrive (8/1-8/5) and if we don't get on the plane and our embassy appointment is ready to go, can you imagine the horror if the parents didn't show up???

Thanks again for everyone's support. It really does make a difference and we appreciate it. I know some of you have emailed and asked about our trip, but to be honest I don't have the time nor the energy right now to tell that story with proper attention to do it justice. I will tell it, but not until this is resolved.

Stay tuned as The Drama of The Prints continues...

On a sidenote, the blog design we've been using has changed on the backend and will be updating shortly. In the meantime, you may see some funky things in the layout.

Are You KIDDING Me???

It’s 4:30am and I’m up again, except today isn’t because of jet lag. That’s long gone.

Today I’m up because at 3:30am the double knots in the stomach came back in full force after replaying yesterday’s events in my head. I thought at this point I would be posting pictures from our trip and telling warm & fuzzy stories about how we have the most adorable, perfect son in the world. Not so.

I received a call from our caseworker mid-day yesterday. She wanted to recap all the bits of our trip and asked if I would be interested in being a guest on next week’s conference call with a Q&A style covering any pertinent details for fellow families. Absolutely!
The conversation then turned to one that involved the words...great concern you will not travel as expected.

Our CIS fingerprints have gone missing. They expired on 7/15, so the extension we filed and reprinting we did on 6/29 did not make it into the newly updated USCIS centralized computer system. Once our prints go through the state division, they are then processed through the National Visa Processing Center where they are reviewed and once given the okay, cabled through to the embassy in Ethiopia. (Our embassy date is 8/5)

Six business days remain for the above to occur and nobody has records of our prints to even start this ball rolling. The alternative? To reprint, we’re looking at an estimated two months. Embassy dates in Ethiopia are only every other Thursday. We would have to fit into the next available one, which is anyone’s guess.

This is what caused an eight minute mental breakdown in my boss’ office yesterday, which enabled me to decompress and come back in full force with proper frame of mind to be productive. (she gave the okay to work on this for as long as necessary, ending with “bring that boy home”) I gathered all necessary documents and began emailing and calling anyone who would listen that works in immigration in the U.S. Three hours in, a “live” woman answered her phone. She referred to herself as an Officer. I liked that title for what we needed right now and knew this was our woman.

I think the most productive 30 minutes of my life were spent with my Officer. She willingly engaged all resources on her end after listening to our situation and began recreating our paperwork! Much more to it, but this is the gist…if this works, our file should show in the National Visa Processing Center by Monday of next week, allowing three business days for processing before being transferred to Ethiopia. (I am purely speculating that they need three days, only because that’s what WE need to meet deadline. I’m hoping that’s reasonable.)

If this new scenario works, we will travel next Sunday, 8/1 as planned. If our file is not in Ethiopia by next Friday, we will not travel. We’ll then await word on reprinting or await the appearance of our file and then wait for a new embassy date.

I must also mention (and this is the advice part, should this happen to others) that during those three hours of scouring for officials to listen to me, I had left messages with the NJ senators’ offices. After speaking to my Officer (the one who helped) I did receive a call back from the senator’s office. They listened to our situation and advised to call back Monday if we still need assistance. My advice is to get them on the horn immediately if you see your prints lapsing in the new system, just in case you need them down the line.

I’ll end with this…a new mother recently asked me if she could ask a personal question which was, At what point in the adoption process do you have the attachment feeling of a mother/child bond? (I welcome all questions like this because it makes ME think too.)
My answer was, it’s a gradual process that grows stronger through each phase of the process. I’ve now changed it to…
Meet your son, play with him, hold him, squeeze him, have a federal judge deem you a family by law, get on a plane, leave him behind and then be told you can’t get him because a piece of paper is missing.

You’re far beyond a mother/family. It’s like this little guy has been with us forever now and someone has temporarily taken him away, not that he hasn’t arrived yet.

And on what planet do fingerprints expire?

The Highs & Cries of Trip #1

First Family Photo (Niko is mid-raspberry)

I missed you!!! Thank you to my sis for updating while we were away and thank you all for the support! I didn't realize the power of my virtual circle of friends until I had no access to you.

This post may be a bit scattered, as I'm a bit jetlagged and have only been home a few hours but am forcing myself to stay awake until this evening with hopes of making tomorrow at work a smooth transition. I'll include more details per day in future updates, but wanted to jump right in with a recap of our trip to hopefully offer some insight to the other familes who will be traveling twice. It may be a long one, but I'll try to hit the key points and move on. The focus will be on Wednesday, our court date.

It's important to note that because we were the first family to travel twice, some items here should be taken with a grain of salt because many logistics are a work in progress. For example, we were also the only family in country so cultural events did not happen and will be worked in to our second trip (other families will do cultural events on first trip; bonding on second). Also, we were appearing in court on behalf of an infant adoption. I believe the process (both court plans & Gladney plans) will vary for toddler age & above.

First bit of advice: Take the tissues ladies! I cried each day for a completely different reason; some good, some not so good.

Our Week

Monday: Arrival Day (do our own thing)

Grabbed our driver and started exploring. The sights, sounds and smells of Ethiopia are like no other. Very powerful.

Tuesday: The Niko Meeting!!! (one hour in a.m.) happy tears all around!

I must say, I was more intimidated and anxious to meet our son than I was to meet the judge on the following day. There are no words to describe him. He's perfect! (there's a good word) He warmed to Kai after awhile but is not a big fan of moi. I must say that I liked the way he looked to the caregivers to see if we were 'okay'. He will one day look to me the same way. I'm not worried about it and had to laugh. It means he's on track for proper attachment. However, after 18 months of waiting for this day - yes, a smile would have been nice instead of 'who is this lady & when is she leaving?' looks!!! ha! It's all good :)

Wednesday: court (9am @ Gladney office; 9:30am in court; seen at 10:15'ish)

Court is held in a nondescript room on the second level of a government office building. The waiting room is medium size with approx 10-15 folding chairs lining each wall for adopting parents and birth family members. Along one wall is a door to the judge's office which is much smaller, containing the judge's desk, a table and a few chairs. The various agencys' attorneys stand in line outside this door on behalf of their clients and are called in by the judge's assistant. On this day, there were three other agencies with about 9 families in total awaiting their court dates.

As we waited (30'ish minutes) you couldn't help feeling the tension of extreme emotions in the room; family loss & growth happening with each family's exit of the judge's room. I felt the stare of a woman who I noticed immediately upon entering the waiting room. She appeared to be a grandmother, possibly great-grandmother, of a child being relinquished. Wrapped in a worn blanket and more than worn shoes, she continued a heavy gaze my way. I connected with her and tried to offer my best "OMG woman, I want to run across this room and give you the biggest hug" smile I could muster, considering I was ready to burst into tears. She stared back, smiled and gave me the warmest, most all-knowing 'everything is okay' smile with a nod. That's what put me over the edge. I smiled back humbly with a reply nod, turned to Kai and the tears started to flow. In the background, the other families were passing with happy tears and gentle cheers, while trying to respect all others in the room.

Shortly after that we were called in front of the judge. A very nice woman who asked us the following:

1) Why did you choose to adopt?

2) Why Ethiopia?

3) What preparations have you made?

4) Have you met this child?

5) Have you told your family about your adoption?

6) Have you completed any training?

7) Do you understand this contract can not be undone once approved?

8) I AM APPROVING YOUR CONTRACT!!! (happy tears)

Dressing for Court: biz casual

I saw men in suits & ties and men without ties in nice dress pants. Kai wore a tie (not in pix but he put it on when we got there) with dress pants and no jacket.

Women had a wide range: open toed sandals with casual mid-length skirt and leggings to a skirt/jacket suit with closed toe heels. I wore a full-length cotton dress with scarf & light sweater and closed toe shoes with hair pulled back.

The key is to be respectful.

Thursday: The Niko Meeting Part II (one hour in a.m.)

This went much better. We came a little earlier this morning so we didn't cut into his much-loved naptime. I think this had a lot to do with his energy, which was great. He was a little more curious about who we were, played a little more with us, still warmer to Kai than me but today I offered to feed him the end bit of his bottle. This got me a few little pats on my arm from him as he drank. *heart melted* He is THE BEST!

Following this, we had the priviledge of delivering care packages and meeting with the kiddies of waiting families. Oh my! This was amazing! These kids are thriving, happy, full of energy and in the best possible care while waiting for their moms & dads to arrive. What a program Gladney has put in place and with such care of keeping the child first. Love it.

Friday: more exploring and working on creating Niko's life book

Gained more info into Niko's story. These children have such heartbreaking stories, it just makes the mind spin. How is this okay??? Hearing more details brought out the mama-bear and made me want to run back to the care center, squeeze him and never let go. The children are so much stronger than we can ever imagine.

Saturday: The Niko Meeting Part III (one hour in a.m.)

Wonderful!!! Again, we came earlier to avoid any naptime interference which appeared to be key. This was our best meeting yet. These times are not intended for bonding, so as not to confuse the children once we leave, so a lot of play is involved with other children around. Niko interacted with us so much with loads of smiles, bouncing, clapping, raspberries and the almighty baby-belly-laugh when Kai tickled him. I even got a few smiles from him!!! I want this kid home NOW!

So, this was our final meeting which brought on tears. However, there was so much information from the staff re: our next trip, what to prepare for, how short our turnaround is, etc that I walked out on such a high note, thinking - This was much easier than I ever expected. Maybe it was because we spent three meetings with him, not just one. Maybe it was because our embassy date was so soon that we would be back in country in 16 days. Whatever it was, we left happy - not sobbing the big ugly cry, which I expected.

However...later that evening (still feeling more excited than sad) our hotel shuttle arrived to take us to the airport. There it was. The ugly cry came in full force on the way to the airport. We had two layovers coming home and the same thing happened on each plane as we took off. I think it was knowing we were moving further away from him that did this. It was so fast & furious and then Kai would pull up a few photos of the trip and again say, this is our happy place. It helped a lot.

We even put a photo of Niko in the empty middle seat, with his seat belt securely fastened, on one leg of our trip home. :)

I think the key thing to remember is we've all been in this for 18 mos+ and it sucks beyond words to leave our child there but the positive news is that they are OURS and we are THEIRS, finally!!! You will be leaving as parents!!! And yes, three to six weeks is tough when you've met, played and hugged your baby BUT we're tough and if we can hang in there for a year & a half, we can make it three to six weeks longer.

(so she says. we'll see tomorrow.)