Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ups & Eccchs

I'm making a conscious effort right now to be a more timely-blogger. Through the rest of our journey, I will make every attempt to not let it slip in excess of a week, like now. It takes a lot of mind-energy to get back in the flow. I feel like I need to list a diary of events in order to catch up for the past week and that's no fun for anyone, especially the reader!

So, to recap I'll simply highlight the ups & not-so-ups; some adoption-related and some not.

Ech: The waitlist crew have all set their sights on a 7.2 month average wait time. That was the trend with our agency at the time of our last conference call prior to the holidays. Well, the new conference call happened this week and we're all back up to an 8 month average wait. Boo.

Up: Our artist, Phoenix, won a Grammy!!!! Yay. Yay. Yay. If you're not familiar with them, I'm sure you've heard them in one of the gazillion Cadillac commercials currently running.

Up: Sticking with the musical theme, Cyndi Lauper was in the office today. I LOOOOVE Ms. Lauper. Who doesn't? Seeing someone like her just makes me smile and makes life seem fun and light. Nice aura to have!

Ech: Not to harp on this conference call business, but...something was mentioned that I wasn't aware of nor have I read about this before (and I have done a TON of research).
Children are available for adoption because they are either a) relinquished - parent(s)/living family member(s) willingly give their child(ren) to the orphanage or b) they are abandoned (self-explanatory). That we knew.

What we didn't know is that abandoned children are named by the police officer who writes up their case when taken into the station. After hearing this a few days ago, it still isn't sitting well with us and has taken us aback. Our intention was to take our son's Ethiopian name as his middle name. The whole purpose was because of its meaning and to keep part of our child's past with him forever. Knowing what we know now, I'm not sure we want that. I'm not sure he would. I don't know. We don't know. My middle name is after my maternal grandmother and it's comforting to know that. I wouldn't want that name if I knew a police officer, aka stranger, selected it. Has anyone else faced this and hesitated? not hesitated at all? Should our son be referred to us as an abandoned case, we may be considering a different Ethiopian name.

I would love to hear others' thoughts/experience on this topic. I already want to protect this little guy whom I've never met and do what's right on his behalf. Hmmmm...

And to end on an Up...our nephew thoroughly enjoying his day at Chelsea Piers. The genuine happiness that bouncing brings to a four year old's world! I'm seriously jealous.


  1. Don't despair, remember there were two families who got referrals this past month who waited an unusually long time which would skew the average. Still probably better to set your expectations longer but things will start moving again soon! You are ALMOST THERE!

    As for the abandoned name situation, I agree that there is no need to keep the name given by the police officer if it doesn't feel right. I haven't seen many abandonment cases but this has definitely been a consideration for those who have been in the situation. Keep an open mind and trust your instincts - you'll know what to do when you learn his history and see his little face.

    I miss you! Hoping to find a way to get into the city soon!! Leaving for three days in PA today, blah!

  2. wow. I missed the last conference call but have not heard that before. I think I would have the same reservations as you. Maybe giving him the name of his Gladney nanny would make more sense in that case? The person that loved and doted on your boy until you could come to Ethiopia.
    Food for thought for sure. Thank you.

    Cyndi Lauper! GIRL. love love love her! That is awesome. I remember seeing her in concert back in the 80s. I made myself a skirt out of a black trash bag and had tights I altered so one leg was green neon and the other pink neon. My parents thought I was seriously crazy.:)

  3. I agree on not necessarily keeping it, but I think he could still find comfort in that name. I think there will be more than one part of our babes' story that someone could paint as negative, and this is just another thing that you would have to make a positive. Not named by a stranger, but by someone who was able to give him help and comfort when he needed it. And it will still be the name that all his loving caregivers called him with affection.

    Maybe you could use the name of the place he was born or something?

    Ultimately feel like Heidi said...you'll know what to do when you see him and know his story!

  4. Such a good discussion going on here! Thanks for bringing up the topic because I had wondered about that as well. I have been thinking about names a lot actually and the best way to incorporate their Ethiopian name. Heidi, in her infinite wisdom, is probably right about once you hear their story then the direction you need to go will probably become more clear. I know people who have picked a name for their child and then met him/her and changed their mind or felt they were so attached to the Ethiopian name that they didn't change it. I LOVE Heather's idea of incorporating their Gladney caregiver's name. So sweet. C'mon boy referrals!!! Hugs, Emily
    PS - So jealous you met Cyndi Lauper. I was rockin out to True Colors the other day on the way to work. love her.

  5. Tam,
    Once you hear their name and I agree with Heidi, you'll know if it feels right...Trust me!!! It doesn't matter if a police officer or a caregiver names them...We were set on Jordyn for our little girl. Once we heard her first and middle name and the meaning, we knew that God had named her...We just added Jordyn to the end of her name...When your call comes and you hear the name you will know...It will all fall into place...

  6. Sorry for skewing the average!

    As far as the name goes, we were faced with that decision. It came as a surprise to me too that they are named by the police and not a caregiver. I never really thought of that scenario and I'm a little saddened by it. I really have grown to like our little girl's name quite a bit, but we do not want her having to explain her whole life how she got her unique name. I feel like we just can't use it as her first name so we are keeping it as her middle name. It's part of her history, and when I see her, the name just fits. We will be giving her another first name that is used in Ethiopia.

  7. I don't think that a name being given by a police officer necessarily has to be a negative - I know that often a lot of thought goes into those names! Forgive me if this comes out wrong (v tired!) but if a child is abandoned, then being found and processed *IS* a part of their history. It's a painful part, but not one that we can make go away by renaming. (I'm really sorry if that sounds snarky - it's not meant to! I know you already know this!) But it's something that baby will have to face at some point as he grows up and while it's not as 'nice' as the caregiver part of their story, it's equally real. Deciding to rename *just* because the name was given as part of an abandonment history could possibly be seen as trying to rewrite the story. I'm not saying you need to keep the name! For us ... we decided that if a name was given by a birthparent, we would definitely keep it as a first name, and if given by someone else, we would just use our judgement when the time came - based on the name rather than the namer. Worked for us. Good luck - naming is really, really tough!! There are no easy answers.

  8. I love this community.
    Thank you all for responding so honestly and sharing your opinions, personal experiences and for just being genuine. Much appreciated!