Sunday, May 16, 2010

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat


Yes, she's addressing the elephant in the room folks.

So far, so good - nothing to see here yet.

I'm sure I'll have the required time and energy one needs for a good 'ole fashion meltdown, should we be in this situation a week or two from now.

For those not privy to the FBI list and scratching your heads in wonder, let me fill you in...
There is an unofficial list (the FBI) that approximately 1/2 the families with our agency have volunteered to sign on with that enables us to track each other's progress through the various stages of bringing our children home. It's an amazing tool that gives a small-town feel to this vast nationwide community. You cheer the others on as they finalize their paperwork, receive their referral phone calls and so on. I can't imagine going through this process without this list and the amazing group of women who accompany it. To try and describe the friendships I've made through this little 'ole excel spreadsheet would never do justice, as they are beyond friendships. These women are now sisters and part of our family. What in the world did adopting families do before the internet? (that's for another post, another time)

So yes, that elephant...

Scrolling from the top of this list (chronologically) through to the families who received their referrals a month after us, there is only one empty blank. We are that blank. All other families have had their paperwork submitted and have received court dates. As of Friday, our paperwork still hasn't been submitted. *stomach flipping*

Many have asked how we're doing, while I'm sure others are secretly thinking 'Well, THAT can't be good'. Believe me, if I was on the outside looking in, I would be thinking the same thing! Our caseworker has been awesome and keeping communication open with Belay, who assures us all is fine and within the expected timeframe. This reassures me for a minute, until I view the list again and that lonely little blank morphs into a seizure inducing neon blinking Golden Nugget casino sign flashing "Uh-oh Uh-oh". Yes, a solution would be to stop viewing the list - but I can't. So much is happening so fast with other families right now. These are families we've traveled this journey with from the beginning. I'm not about to miss this part! This is the time to celebrate.

So to recap, we're not nervous yet. We're currently still in a place to beat the clock for the inevitable rainy season. (we need to pass court before the courts close for rainy season in August or we don't travel until they reopen in early October). That's what all the fuss/rush is about here.

I would say an accurate description is pending-nervousness. The call that either gives an update, a paperwork confirmation or a court date will obviously wane this pending state. No news at all...will likely raise our level to "I think it's time to be nervous."

Ahhh, the wait continues. I thought waiting for our referral was going to be the hard part, but heard from families that this part is a bit rougher. Waiting for court has been a much different kind of wait. It has brought a sense of calm because we can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator. He's no longer the 'unknown'. The hard part though? We can now see our little guy each day on our refrigerator!

Inhale...Exhale; Repeat

16 comments:

  1. Yes, inhales, exhale, repeat! This is the hardest part, my friend. Getting your referral does bring a sense of peace, but only for a while, and then the going gets a bit rough. It will be even worse if you experience delays passing court. Just remember, you are almost there, you will get through this, and CALL ME if you need an ear or someone to talk you off the cliff! Oh, and I know I have said this before but it bears repeating -- last year even people who got referrals the first week of July passed court before the rainy season, so I don't think you have to worry about that.

    Love you!!!
    Heidi

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  2. Yep. In through the nose....out through the mouth. Repeat. I can't imagine that the next step is worse...but I believe you. Something to look forward to!!! :) Anyway...thanks again for your great insight. You are one of my favorite Mommy blogger's and I'm pulling for you over here in Texas! :)

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  3. We were where you are not too long ago. I understand. It stinks beyond words. We really did have issues with our paperwork, so if Belay is saying that all's good, I'm sure it really is. This part is really difficult...I'm so sorry you all are having to go through this!

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  4. in... out....in....out.... you can do it!!

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  5. You've been in my thoughts more often than usual this week, and I'm hoping that lonely little blank spots fills in soon.

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  6. Tamara and Kai,
    Due to quirky computer, this is first time in days I have read your blog. And as I do I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. I know you and your brother and sister never considered me to be on the "optimistic" side of life, but I am trying like crazy to be that way for you now. But as your mom, it hurts me so much to know what a great mother and father you and Kai will be and I just want that precious baby to be in your arms now. He is already loved by me and I just love the little gleam in his eyes that show he will be giving you two the "dickens" when he does arrive. I'm already looking forward to your phone calls of "Mom, please come up here and help!" And you know I will be there ASAP. I am so proud of how "up" you can stay Tam, even in the worst of times. I will try to follow your mood until the end of this journey and keep my tears to myself. You and Kai are such a wonderful match for each other and I am glad he is the one you are going through this journey with, hand in hand. You two compliment each other so well and N is getting a great mommy and daddy. Hang in there, he will be here soon and your wonderful family will be complete. I love you so much, you are a great daughter/woman/aunt/friend.

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  7. It's true! This is the SUCKY part! I could've waited forever for a referral. In fact, that call kinda came as a surprise. Then the court date - GEES!!! The crickets were chirping. Then we saw people who got referrals after us get their court dates, then travel dates. All the while, our baby was growing WITHOUT us!

    I feel your pain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's glorious!!!!

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  8. oh tam, that's got to be so hard. sending you a big hug and sending up a prayer, too.

    xo

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  9. step away from the list. find your happy place and dwell there. if you can't relax, then do! get things organized for when you will never have time or want to use your time to organize ever again! and please, call me. i would love to talk to you!!!!!!!!

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  10. Oh my goodness, your mom's comment has me in tears. I can't remember who said it but I was reading another blog and she suggested a trans continent deep breath-a-thon. I TOTALLY need to take part in that as well. Everytime I look at the FBI my heart hurts for you and Kai. I am taking comfort in that this week Heidi will meet our boys and kiss them and hug them and tell them how much their mamas love them!! You know I am here for you ANYTIME!! Sending you buckets and buckets of love!!!

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  11. i was actually looking at that blank on Friday. sigh. i'm sorry girl. but you have it right...deeeeeeep breaths and keep on keepin' on.
    it WILL happen. i am keeping everything crossed that the "happen" is SOON. like, um, now, please.
    xoxoxoxox

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  12. As N's aunt, I must say this process is entirely too long and arduous. This waiting game is insane. I give kudos to all of you for taking on such a journey. I endured 16 hours of natural childbirth with twins.....and ladies, it was a walk in the park compared to what you guys are put through. I give you all so much credit for taking on this responsibility and rolling with the punches.

    Tamara, the end is near. The wait, the ups and downs, the anger, the dissapointment, fears, hopes, dreams, and unknown are approaching quicker than you realize....this is only the beginning of your journey.....the real trip begins when N is in your arms!!!!!!!

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  13. I say, why wait? Just book a flight and hotel and when the call comes, you're there! It's gonna happen any minute now! I can feel it.

    Lucy

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  14. Hang in there girl! Hoping and praying!!!

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  15. Court date wait so sucks! Not knowing when you are going to travel and see that sweet little face...Urgh! Hang in there! We are with a different agency but are also playing the waiting game.

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